Stress and Loopiness

Do you find that extra stress causes you to become somewhat more loopy than normal? We just celebrated Thanksgiving here in Canada, and it was very stressful for me to get together with my family. I was at my family home, surrounded by my dreams for the future as a child, and the successes of my family in the present. My life is a total mess, and I don't have the means to change that.

Anyways, I found that being in that environment was so stressful for me that it left me pretty darn loopy. Reality and fantasy get confused. I have "hallucinatory" desires to do weird stuff....like to stay up for days on end without sleep, to stop eating, to sit out in the rain with my arm bleeding. I have an actual physical sensation of being high....I feel loopy both physically and mentally. My thought-process is definately out of whack. And even knowing that to be so, I still want to go along with these weird sensations and thoughts. I'm definately not very safe right now.

Have you had this happen? How long does it last? What are some of the ways you've helped yourself get grounded again? Because I'm about to comitt a mass murder or paint polka dots on my walls or start talking to the refrigerator!!

I see my therapist on Friday morning. I hope I'm more stable by that time. Help!

Sandy

Hi Sandy

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} if you want them

Yes, stress intensifies everything! One thing builds on another, and what you were handling ok before just becomes too much until someting becomes the straw that breaks the camel's back.

It's interesting that you hope you are more stable by the time you see your therapist on Friday. I've felt that way too. I didn't like going to therapy when I was the most symptomatic - I didn't get much out of it at those times. But, I also thought maybe it was good that he did see me when I was at close to my worst too, since the rest of the time I minimize it, so he really had no way to know how bad it got.

Most importantly, your therapist's job is to help you through this stuff. When you feel like you are right now, this is the time to call your therapist and ask for help getting through the current crisis. You don't have to struggle through it by yourself. Your therapist will appreciate it if you give him/her the chance to help you work it out before you do something that you will regret later on.

Ways to get grounded could include:
-talking to someone about it (your therapist, a friend, ... - keeping in regular contact with a friend is helping me a great deal to stay grounded)
-separating yourself from the situation, taking time out for yourself (you could take a long bubble bath, read a book, go for a walk, etc.)
- exercise
-making a list of the things that are stressing you out so that they are contained in one place and not flying wildly through your head at random intervals
-making a plan for addressing those things and getting them taken care of
- doing something just for fun
-starting on your list, and getting something done
- asking somebody to help you with the things that may feel overwhelming to you

Take care of yourself, and call your therapist.
Wendy

Sounds a touch manic to me, Sandy. Are you bipolar? You might ask for a med adjustment, if so!

Oh Rapunzel, thank you so much for writing back with your wonderful words of wisdom! I was concerned that I would sound like a freak. Thank you, thank you for helping me through this.

I guess I'm like you in that I want to be stable when I visit my therapist. I have to be in control, and I don't want anyone to see that something may be bothering me. When I was in the hospital once, they said that I fought so hard not to cry in sessions.....they thought that it may be some sort of value that I hold that I can't cry in front of people. And I guess the same goes for appearing in control and stable. Even though I would LIKE for my therapist to see how whacked-out I can become, I put on a real nice presentation of normalcy when I'm sitting in her office. That is why noone sees that I'm worse than they think. Sigh. We must be CRAZY!!

I've never called a therapist out of the blue, so I don't think I'll be doing that. I'll just ride this out and hope for the best. But I'm pretty "buzzed" right now....both physically and mentally. It gets worse as the day wears on. I'm usually okay when I get up in the morning, but then I start going weird throughout the day. Ugh! I feel like I'm a hundred different people, and I can't even begin to get them all organized so that my brain can slow down. Darn Thanksgiving!! I knew that I didn't want to place myself in that situation. I guess I should have listened and acted upon my little voice.

Thank you so much for all the suggestions for grounding myself!!! I think that staying in contact with someone is the best. I find that just sitting and typing a message to someone, daily, helps me get the crazies out a bit. The recipient of the messages may be freaked (!!)....and I may be embarrassed when I'm stable again....but it's better than bouncing around in my apartment thinking of acting upon the weird thoughts!!!!

Again, thank you so much for all your ideas. I really appreciate that you accepted my message. As you might be able to tell, I'm flying a little bit right now! LOL! But I don't know how to stop it...so I have to find a way to live with it...for now. How long do these episodes last?? I feel like I'm doing something bad.

Take care of yourself!!

Love,
Sandy

Hi Candybear,

Thank you for your reply!! I'm so glad no one has yelled at me for being wack-o!!

Yes, I guess I feel manic a bit right now. But I've never been diagnosed as Bipolar. I've been diagnosed with Social Anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress. I don't really know what happened to cause this "trip". It was just a lot of stress.....the stress of seeing in front of your face how you've utterly failed in your life and knowing that all your dreams are gone....that there's nothing left. And it really hurt to be back in my family home...where I was once an innocent little girl with dreams for the future and the whole world still wide open to her. And now.....I receive Welfare and I've run out of options to do anything.

I don't like feeling this way. Even my eyesight is blurry and I have to keep looking away to readjust my vision. And I feel buzzed! My whole body is BUZZING. And I don't feel like I'm connected at all. What the heck happened? I'm not usually this way.

Thank you for caring. I wish you all the best!!

Hugs,
Sandy

(((((((Sandy)))))))

I'm so glad that it helped. Your post rang a bell with me - I've felt some of the same things. And, yeah, it sounds manic to me. There is no set time on how long it lasts, but it sounds like you are settling down a little now? When I have been manic, it has been about a week, but in my case it has always been related to taking too much St. John's Wort, so part of the duration has to do with how long it takes for me to notice that I'm manic and quit overdosing. I never did crisis calls to therapists either, but I have an easier time writing them a note or e-mailing them. Maybe you could try that. One of the things that I hope to be able to do myself is to start to be able to recognize when I am in a crisis, and ask for help then rather than waiting, so I'm encouraging you to do that also. Tomorrow you will see her though, and it sounds like you'll make it just fine.

You are not doing something bad. It's called having symptoms. It makes you uncomfortable, so you want to work on it, but you don't need to feel bad about it, ok?

Take Care!
Wendy (or Rap)

I've never been manic. But I just wanted to pipe in and say that when I started therapy, I couldn't recognize when I was in a crisis either. I think that's been a recent development for me. And I think for some of us, we grow up having to be at least partially numb in order to survive our childhoods, because there is too much pain. I think when we start therapy, many of us don't really know how to rely on someone or how to receive their soothing and care. I for one didn't know how to be comforted by or how to need my therapist.

I've only recently learned how to identify when I'm slipping, and started to learn the art of leaning on my T, and it isn't easy to do.

So yeah, I can relate to that a lot. And I think for some it is just a normal part of therapy.

(((((hugs))))))
Angela

sounds kinda like dissociation to me

I hope you are working with professionals to get the help you need SandyWeb

take care

Hi Wendy, AKA Rap. I'm Sandy, AKA Sandy!

I feel like my brain was fried those past couple of days! Everything was too speedy, too buzzy, too tempting. I probably lost 500 million brain cells during that experience!! Good thing I have some to spare!!

You mentioned recognizing when you are in crisis. I'm not sure. Is what I went through a "crisis"? I mean, I certainly wasn't doing well....but I guess it's easier to look back when it's over...rather like childbirth. It wasn't that bad, you know?

I think I'm dealing okay with the plane crash today. I flashed back some when I saw the news report this evening, but I think it's just a short-term "freak". But having it happen so close to home again, and then seeing the wreckage....it just brought back some memories.

Yes, I think I get what you're saying about "feeling bad". I think I felt that way because my speedy experience felt like I was on a drug trip! I was so buzzed around my children....my body and my mind. It was just so not right!!! So I guess that's why I felt like I was bad. But it really wasn't my fault, right? I didn't have any control over my body deciding to express it's stress through me in that manner. But I sure didn't feel safe. It was too close to crossing over the line and acting upon those ideas. Scary stuff.

I hope you are doing well. Stay away from that St. John's Wart!!

Have a wonderful day!

Hugs,
Sandy

Hi Angela, AKA SweetCrusader!!

I love what you said. You sound like me. I'm sure I don't recognize when I'm heading into or directly involved in a crisis. It seems life has been one right after another, so it's something you train yourself (consciously or unconsciously) to deal with it and downplay it. I have no idea how to rely on a therapist, either. That requires opening up too much...becoming too vulnerable to that one person....and that sends up red danger flags to me. So, I guess it takes time to become comfortable enough to expose oneself.

I am so proud of you for learning that you can lean on your therapist!!!! You're way ahead of the game from me! It's difficult to lean on someone because it feels like you are showing a weakness. And I am woman, I am strong!!

Thanks so much for writing back! I wish you all the best!

Hugs,
Sandy

Hi Zen,

Thanks for your message. I hope you are doing well in your little community. What do you think of the temperature? Suppose to have rain for the next 4 days, huh? Ugh!

I don't know what I went through. I felt dissociated, yes. But....that was only part of the whole experience. I guess my brain just decided to do a little short-circuit dance on me. At least I made it through without acting on the impulses. When you don't really feel altogether connected to your body and mind, it makes it real real easy to act on your thoughts. Yippee! I was a good girl all the way through it!

I see my therapist tomorrow morning. I'll have to tell her about Thanksgiving, the "trip", and now about the plane crash. I think as long as I stay away from the news (papers, tv), I should be okay. I can't allow myself to fixate on that crash or I'll be in trouble. So I'll be sure to tell my therapist about that.

I'm glad you are around!

Hugs,
Sandy

Hi Sandy,

It's nice to meet you. Maybe someone could tell us a definition of being "in crisis." None of my previous therapists ever even used that term, and it still sounds strange to me. I would say, though, that you you don't feel safe, that is probably a crisis. Or if you are afraid that you are going to do something that you don't want to do. It's really hard for me to apply it to myself. I guess I rely on Angela to tell me if I am in a crisis - we talk to each other frequently, and I'm much more likely to call her than a therapist.

No, the experience you had the last couple of days was not your fault, so you don't need to feel like you did anything bad. In fact, you stayed in control even though you felt like acting out. That's good!

I'm doing ok right now. Can't stay away from the St. John's Wort though - not taking it is a whole lot worse than taking too much. I'll try to keep it at the right level though. I know what the right amount is, but I'm a stinker about experimenting, I guess.

Have a great day, and let us know how it goes tomorrow! I hope you stay around the forums - I can always use another friend.

{{{hugs}}},
Wendy

I just replied in the other thread about the plane.

I fully support a TOTAL news fast for you for the next week or so!!!

Please continue taking care so that it is easier to control those scary impulses.

Thank you for the update.

Yeah the weather has thrown my warm soul into a tizzy. I'm bundled up half the time and had to go buy warm clothes the first week I was here! lol (pathetic Californian I am!)

gotta run......getting glares from librarians which means my time is nearly up.

news fast... yeah that's what is needed!