[MINIME]

I dont seem to fit in anywhere. I dont even know who I am. Its like one day I woke up andI had PTSD. All I did my whole life was try and live. Now I have hardly any friends. I am constantly puking from stress. The only people that understand me are my therapists. I dont know how to fit in anywhere. Even with people who have the same dx as me. Real people scare me and on line I dont feel like people like me either. For three hours a week I am with people who understand me, but make me work hard. SO even if they get me they still have a job to do. I would very much like to sit by someone who just lets me be. I hate myself today. I dont know why. I think its because I cant seem to connect to anyone. You may think I wrote this to have people say hang in there. However dont bother. I guess u can say I am feeling sorry for myself but thats not true I am feeling hatred for myself and its toxic. Does anyone understand what I am saying?

[gimmeice]

((((((((((( minime ))))))))))))))))))))
I understand what it is like to have a lot of hatred for yourself. I deal with this a lot, I hope it passes for you soon.

[MINIME]

Thanks Gimme. I hope it passes to. It just seems to be so big.

[(JD)]

You aren't allowed to hate yourself. You may hate the disorder though. PTSD is a beast of a diagnosis.

[vetswife]

Do you have any hobbies? Try to get interested in doing something. I don't know if you are religious or not but there is a saying "idle hands are the devils advocate". I don't like to sit and do nothing, I crochet when I'm completely board. I know you may think that's an old person thing. Well I'm 33 and have been crocheting since I was 12. It's nice to see your accomplishments. I'm not trying to push crocheting, I have lots of hobbies I hate sitting idle, it leaves to much time to think and dwell. Plus once you find your hobby you will have things in common with other people, makes making friends easier. Just a thought. Keep your head up, and hope you feel better soon.

I completely understand what you're saying.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
MINIME said:
I would very much like to sit by someone who just lets me be.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I'll sit with you.

[MINIME]

Thanks sky. That really really helped. ((HUG)). I do hate PTSD. I hate it so much. Did I say that really really really helped?

Vetswife thanks for the ideas. I have tried to join clubs and stuff, I just get so jumpy and people dont understand. I need to find a place to meet people. I need friends. My best friend lives in newMexico and I miss her alot. SHe is a therapist so she isnt bothered by my PTSD. I spend my days with my neices I adopted and it keeps me busy but no time to make friends. I need to find a way to make some.

Everyone else I am sorry for the dramatic post. I just was about to loose it

[MINIME]

Thanks earth........I dont know what I was thinking. Im not alone.

[MINIME]

Its the fireworks!!!! I am being triggered by the dang fireworks. Its not even dark yet and people have been out setting them off. I am grinding my teeth and my stomach is hurting and I am jumpy. Thats what is really setting me to this state of hating myself. Im not very good at untangling my emotions. This will be the first year that I am not on meds. How the heck am I going to do this?

[(JD)]

Well.... turn on lights and loud tv or radio... something with lots of bass. Drink calming tea and sniff lavender?


Now that you know what is triggering you... you can process it differently (or begin to) remind yourself that's fireworks, and can be enjoyable at some time in the future. Fireworks won't hurt you. This is now, that was then.

[RozG]

(((((((((MINIME))))))))) you DO fit in, it's just the ptsd talking.

I agree with Roz .... you do fit in and you're so supportive towards so many. I will sit with you too and we can both just be ..... i know the feeling of self hatred, tho i am getting help now ...... gentle hugs sweetie, love Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo

[MINIME]

Thanks guys. Im just trying to get through this. The fireworks and the flashbacks. I have a hard time eating and when I do I usually puke. The smell of food makes me sick. Hopefully therapy will have the magic answers today. (sigh)

((((((((((((((MINIME))))))))))))))))

Good luck hon .... let us know how it goes ... Jin xoxoxoxoxo

[crazy1]

When I first started on this journey I also had no one. This web site helps but also out of no where i found a friend who has the same thing as I do but has done some work on it. I hope this happens for you soon.

[1oxbowgirl]

Just being here on this site will help you a lot. I have PTSD, and I understand that fear. I get really stressed with other people around, if they are talking loud or swearing. I like being by my self. As for things to do try visiting your local library. I have a computer at home, but sometimes visit the library just to look at books and use their computers. As for making money, can you do housecleaning? It is one job where you generally work alone and can do it at your own pace. I did it for 16 years.
Anyways, I get fears of hurricanes ( I am in Florida), trees falling on house, and mostly of angry people. I too grit my teeth and get bad pain in stomach. Often I play my favorite music, watch a movie, eat my favorite comfort food, call a good friend, do some gardening. Anything that takes my mind off my worries and anything that I can let my mind go blank so I do not have to think. My favorite thing to do is going for long walks. Hope this helps you. 1Girl