I did it.....

That (along with raising your nieces and nephew) is very admirable, MINIME!

(((((Mini))))))) you don't have to convince me how valuable you are. You are valuable all by yourself without doing anything. You have a heart of gold, you are smart and you get things done! (These are just icing on the cake, however, you have value anyway). I remember struggling with these same issues of worth. People used to look down on our family because we were so darn dysfunctional. I have moved beyond all of that and I will never, ever forget where I came from, never..... I see value in every human being.....

((sannah)) thanks

Actually, even before you posted telling us how tremendous you were (which we all knew ), I was already in awe of and taking in all that about you myself. I was amazed how with all your own stuff you're trying to save your nieces & nephew & I too was wondering how you'd know what to do for them since no one ever was a good parent to you. And I had no doubt even in the midst of all that, they were probably the safest they'd be with you because you'd take the best care possible of them and vigilantly protect them from all the evil crap you had to go through.

As for deciding to keep a shut mouth again about your past, I've struggled with that too after getting into a so-called therapeutic setting thinking it would be okay to open up a little bit more to professionals, but the medically ones especially can't handle it and aren't trained to deal with it. They will treat any ailment like a psychiatric one if they know that about you (in my opinion), so I think it would be best not to tell them. Therapy screws us up about being open and revealing and honest. I feel over-exposed if I even tell someone my favorite color, but I did notice that therapy would mess me up over who and what to tell people.

I hope your doctor apologizes for the way she treated you. You don't need more crap, tell her that won't help you get better any.

Thanks life. My dr did not call and say sorry. i feel kinda sad. Your post helps me though. You guys are such good support. ((HUG))

Not surprising because she doesn't sound like the type to own up to a mistake. That's awful though. It would be saddening, it's a loss. And it's so hard to gather up the courage to get help or to open up and tell someone what really happened. To seek out help and get hurt by the so-called professionals who are supposed to help you, well it hurts even more. Trust me, I know.

Im sorry life. If i was a professional and u called me i would be nice to you. i wish that there was a way to make these people feel what they do to us. So they will think twice before doing it again. Have you had any luck locating a new therapist?

Just dropping by and looking at this thread again. I really cannot believe how comprehending and supportive people here on Psych Central are. It is just about beyond my experience. It is hard to believe. I don't know what else to say.

I know pach they are very sweet and supportive. I am happy because I really need this.

Hi guys. I had emdr yesterday and I went over something I never had ever talked about. The traumatic exam in the er after the rape. It was a really bad experience and it added to the nights trauma. I heard from my T that they have new procedures for rape exams on kids because of the truamatic experience it had been for the kids in the past. To late for me but not to late for other kids. I went though periods of having my whol body numb today and pain. I have a new dr sorta new and I have an appt today and i will ask for pain pills but not be honest of why I need them, I know its bad but I have learned. My reg T called and she wants me to wrap myself in a blanket make some soup and take childrens tyleonol and have hot water bottles. I laughed cus I have an image to keep but really when she said that she wishes she was here to do that for me It made the nine year old gut feel a little better. Like she was heard and comforted and loved. I know it sounds retarded and stuff but I am telling you this truama stuff just is almost unbearable and the weirdest things help. So i am probably going to get pain pills and see that they do not in fact help and i can concentrate my energy else where. But my T's are so awesome a little goofy and stuff but they try so hard and stuff. They know I have an image to keep and they understand when I say there ideas are stupid because usually that means that a good idea.

I went to the old new dr and told her the truth. I told my T before i went what I was up to and she talked to me about it. So i went in and told the truth. She was nice. I didnt get any pain pills. She gave me a shot of an anti inflamatory. I dont know. I think my T has the idea. When she talks to that 9 year old part of me and comforts her it settles her down and she sleeps for a while/ I wish that could have been helped alot sooner. I wish that when I was a kid I had help. This is way to hard and it would have been better when I was a kid. Sigh.

I myself did emdr and I won't ever say it was easy, as a matter of fact it was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it helped me more than anything past or present, and I am grateful that I had such a wonder t and that she kept me safe even when I didn't feel safe. I guess what I am saying is you are a warrior for hitting this head on, DON'T STOP till you're done. You will feel much better when you do finish.

Thanks blame, it is so hard. I think that its frustrating because how long it takes for one thing. The same thing keeps coming up over and over and trying to break through it is hard. I keep trying and trying and it is hard. I think i am starting to see more clearly though. I see that there are many peices of me. Not multiple personality just fragmented parts. There is a kid part and a seperate 9 year old part and me. I know it sounds crazy but its like with the nine year old part of me I have places stuck back at that age. She is the one that causes the physicl pain as flashbacks and she screams alot. I know she is me but she has her own seperatness. Does that make sense? I wonder if trauma does this to other people?

I do understand, trust me I found there were many, many, many parts of me that are me but they aren't so, yes this does happen to others with trauma. EMDR worked wonderfully for me for a few years, breaking through was hard, remember to allow yourself to feel what you feel in that moment and allow your self to delve into all of those places where you are stuck. You must break through all of these places or they will come back with avengance one day--TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!! There were some parts that I just couldn't allow myself to go into and now 5 years later the flashbacks and nightmares are back and you know what they are, the incidences I would not allow myself to break through. Keep up the good work. YOU WILL FEEL BETTER FOR IT.

Hi MM , I'm catching up. Did the anti-inflammatory help? I keep thinking of your phantom pains and wondering what to do for help. My psychological ailments often end up manifesting themselves as physical ones or actually cause me physical pain or damage. But the bad, scuzzy stuff often leaves me with feelings on my body or like someone is touching me or doing something to me even when they're not. It's awful. And I know it's fake but I can't get the feelings and scuzzyness off of me. I have to put my underwear or clothes on a certain way or ten times but it still feels weird. Or I have to cover my entire body with lotion and have polish on my nails to serve as a protective barrier against all the dirtiness.

Completely retarded, I know. It would even make me late to work. How do you explain to your irate boss you had to put on five of the same pairs of pants ten times or different underwear until you found the one that felt right because you couldn't stand anything touching your body because you felt weird, riled up, gross & dirty & like the clothes were someone touching you??? I loooove being a nutjob.

> I loooove being a nutjob.

We love you too

Thanks Pachy, you always know how to make me laugh. I needed it.

Hey no fair i spit my coffee out laughing when I read that last part. Nut job!!!!!LOL Yeah I am a nut job ha ha ha ha ha laugh world at least i am employed I have a job as a nut. Ok that sounds funny never mind. LOL

LOL, wait a minute, you're right, now when someone asks what I do for a living, I can honestly say I'm full-time employed, er no 24-7 employed as a nut. It's a very demanding & time consuming job you know. Requires your constant presence, never allowed to leave.

Yeah and dont forget about the benifiets...lol

I just love this place it so funny. lol

Who is it on here who has the sig of "I'm just a nut looking for a squirrel"?

Oooh, that's a good one, always makes me laugh. Tuliptorn's. Also love, is it Miss Charlotte's?, counter about how many days until Xmas is over.

You know, I realized something later. I shouldn't have applauded you for saying that the Oregon St. Beavers suck like a vacuum. I think that would be generalizing about Beavers and against the forum rules. I think perhaps we need to just pinpoint a few players like maybe a QB, tight end, defensive back, or punter who suck, not the whole team. That would be Beaver bashing and I'm afraid I'd be forced to report it.

P.S. You know I'm just kidding, right? Couldn't resist.

Oh crap ur right. That made me almost spit out my coffee again. I gotta learn not to take a sip of coffee when i read your posts. LOL Ok well I can say this I only think that beavers who play football suck. Im not sure about the beaver clan as a whole they seem ok they dont bother me and stuff and as long as they dont build dams in my bath tub we are cool. But the min. they get into organized sports and my ex dr likes them then its a fight we have on our hands.

ps u dont have to tell me your kidding I have a wild sense of humor and I love a good laugh. So even if you were not kidding which i would have known you were, I would have loved you more cus that was so funny.

You cracked me up again. You're right, it's when the beavers start getting into organized sports that it's a problem. And when they garner support from ex-evil doctors, well then it's all over. Clearly a bad situation on hand.

Yeah, I know you'd get it and I love your sense of humor , so that kidding part wasn't directed as much for you. Was mainly for anyone else who might read it, the Beaver-type supporters say, that wouldn't get I was freaking KIDDING and get their hineys in an uproar. Not that there's anyone like that on here. Beaver fans are GREAT! Best EVER! Blah, blah, blah.