I've triggered myself.

<font color="purple">Another year, and another scheduled hearing (in April.) I wasn't able to pull documentation for my MD for her deposition last year, nor for my attorney ! before the hearing last year. Well, as many of you know, there was no hearing.

So here I am trying to research all of my ailments ...on the internet and document them from as many sources as prudent. And all that stuff... well... it's caused me to remember all that is wrong with me. Goodness knows if I dwelt on everything all the time I couldn't go on at all. Denial is a daily process. I have to focus on which dx is needing managing at the time (Pain, TMD, Meniere's, etc) and well.. focus.

This researching is causing so much memory to come forth and I have also begun having flashbacks. I thought I was handling it ok, but then this morning when I flashbacked to the actual accident, and what I recall from it... well, I shared it with my T.

Using my "marble" to help calm and remember, like T says, it isn't happening now, and even though I still have many symptoms from the accident... the injury isn't happening now. I've struggled just writing this... the trauma continues to rear it's head.

keep using the marble and keep repeating that wisdom..........the injury isn't happening now........the injury isn't happening now

PTSD just makes it seem obdurately real.

Glad you made it through this post to share what you are experiencing. Also glad you shared this with your T. Both show tremendous courage. Be proud you were able to type this up and share it with the board.

The marble idea sounds pretty good. I'm glad Ozzie asked about it, as I was just assuming that the marble meant using your head and trying to think about it rationally. I understand that it's not so easy to do, as all those memories don't get processed as past memories and filed away the way they are supposed to, so you keep running into them and reliving them when you aren't even looking for them, and it isn't happening to you now.

Wishing you peace,
Rap

LOL Rap. Gee, if I knew how to keep my brain in my pant's pocket, that would be a coup, eh?

Ok. Today (Thursday) was NOT a good day either. Sigh.. sigh...sigh..
I drove down early for my physical therapy (why not, I was awake anyway...) and immediately began sneezing as soon as I drove into the parking lot... which was unusual.. and drove around for a spot (none) and waited in the drive lane... later "found" a spot in front of me.. and then "woke up" when the pt's office called me nearly an hour later: I had sat in the car the whole time, missed my pt!

Guess the researching all this stuff has triggered me so, I majorly dissociated and really didn't want to do PT today. Anyway, good thing they called me, I was then on time for my psychologist. sigh. Needless to say, I've put a hold on my researching all the injury stuff, for now.

{{{{{{{{{{Sky}}}}}}}}}}}

Sounds like time to take a break from that research. Maybe you and I should trade, since I'm triggering myself too. I wrote to my T a few weeks ago about not SI-ing for 4 weeks, even including using pins (which I don't necessarily count as SI, since it doesn't do significant damage). Then when I read what I had written a couple of days later, I had to get the pins out again. Well, I don't know how we could trade issues to research - I wasn't even researching, but I understand about triggering yourself in your effort to get better. In the long run, maybe you need to get that stuff processed and it will probably happen sooner or later anyway, and it's a good thing for you to learn about it and understand it. Just try to know when you need to set it aside. And yes, it still sneaks up on you when you least expect it, doesn't it?

Yeah, you are sooooo right! Tks Rap. I'll trade, but you have to take the pain too... I'll take pin scratching and reasons for a while. SO HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY???? hehehehe

I've been trying to change my avatar here too... all I ended up with is Charlie Brown. sigh.

I've lost my glasses... been a few days. They quit working well which is why I wasn't using them to read... and lost them. GONE. I have an optometrist appt Monday am (gads) and will have to foot it myself if they can't get authorization again. sigh. I'm already owed $900 for eye care ...ins. co!

I wasn't going to give you the pin stuff, just the writing about it and thinking about it, since I bet you wouldn't be triggered as much by my issues as by yours, and vice versa. As much as I really don't want chronic pain (I can deal with short-term pain that I'm in control of quite well, but long-term pain that doesn't go away would drive me nuts - tooth aches contributed to making me suicidal at one point), if I could just take your pain for a day or so to give you a break from it, I would.

I've been so unproductive today. Don't know what to do with two days off in a row. But I have 36 1/2 hours to work in the next 3 days though. Oh, and my T asked me how I feel about her feedback over the last few weeks, and I'm avoiding answering that one. It's pushed away to a back corner somewhere and I'll see if I have anything to say after this weekend. So, I'm doing ok.

Bummer about your glasses, and I think I've told you before what I think of your insurance company!

Hang in there, and remember to come talk to us when you need to. ((((((((hugs)))))))))

tks for support in chat... certainly wasn't a support chat for hardly anyone. sigh. gee a whole day with out this pain? wow. I remember the fleeting seconds from the first jaw surgery 15 years ago... when the demerol went into veins I had time to say "OH this is GOOOD" and I was gone but I still recall those seconds of no pain.