[Can't Remember]

For whatever reason its very hard for me to ask for time off, especially when its to see a therapist. then I worry my boss will think I'm crazy or something or really that I just don't deserve to be off. so I went today and sat in the waiting room for 40 mins, slowly going crazy wondering if I came on the right day or whatever and then I finally found my card and my appt was at 3 and not 3:30. I realized this at 4. so now I can't go back for a week and a half and of course the only appt she has is at noon. why does everything have to be so hard???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why can't I remember anything! I wonder sometimes how much longer I can keep this up. My husband is not very supportive, especially since I can't even be intimate with him anymore (because of fear and panic at yet another "memory" I can't really remember). I don't know what to do really. Just feeling very panicky and worthless and alone.

[madisgram]

if my T was running that late, and they do have emergencies, but he'd make sure i was given a heads up as a common courtesy to his client! having said that when you go back for your next appt. i'd share with him how his running that late puts you in a precarious situation at work unless he opts to reschedule you so you can leave. doesn't he have any evening hours? i'd ask about this too. a lot of people have some difficulty going for appts. during the work day.
does your workplace offer you personal days for this type of thing? do you have sick/vacation days you can use for the appt. day? these are just other suggestions in case you have not already considered them.
sounds like your T may be heavy booking which isn't fair to his clients that do show up. just thinking out loud...
the other thing that caught my eye...why do you feel guilty asking for this time off (so you can get better)? for us, it's the same as for some people that go see a specialist for a medical condition. it's important for our mental health. you don't need to feel guilty, you're helping yourself. that's a good thing.

[Can't Remember]

i should have been clearer. I thought my appt was at 3:30 but it was really at 3 and I didn't realize it until I finally found my appt card at 4. so i was frustrated because I couldn't remember the right time and also because my t is the only person I have to talk to and now I have to wait another week and a half. yes, I do have some pto but I work in accounting and there are so many deadlines, etc that I feel guilty for asking for time. I know I shouldn't but its another instance of it would be okay for anyone but me. why don't I think I'm worth it?

[phoenix7]

probably things in your life have made you think you are not worhtwhile or that you should put the needs of others above your own - but you are worthwhile and your needs need to be met just the same as anyone elses

Im sorry things got messed up with T, I know its hard but you can get through this - talk to us - we'll listen the forgetting things - its a pain - I have reminders on my phone now and on a (dont laugh) a whiteboard that is on the wall by my front door - because I cant keep track of what day it is at the moment let alone what time LOL

the more stressed you are the harder it is to remember these things - try not to be so hard on yourself - unfortuantely just like our T's and everyone else her you are only human ! try to give yourself a break - I hope the week and a half flies by for you P7

[Can't Remember]

I hope so too. I'm just so tired.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Can't Remember

i should have been clearer. I thought my appt was at 3:30 but it was really at 3 and I didn't realize it until I finally found my appt card at 4. so i was frustrated because I couldn't remember the right time and also because my t is the only person I have to talk to and now I have to wait another week and a half. yes, I do have some pto but I work in accounting and there are so many deadlines, etc that I feel guilty for asking for time. I know I shouldn't but its another instance of it would be okay for anyone but me. why don't I think I'm worth it?

as for not feeling worth it, i'd definitely bring this up in your next session and you can use your feeling guiilty about taking time off for that last appt. as an example.
depression often times makes us distracted about appt. times,etc. i get that way too sometimes.
your pto is for exactly what you were doing, taking per. time off....you must be a conscientious worker to be concerned about deadlines but if you don't use therapy time you will end up perhaps not being able to be a good worker. be kind to yourself and know you are of value to yourself and others. if you had another medical condition of a serious sort you wouldn't feel guilty then,would you? just because we can't "see' our illness doesn't make it any less important.

[Can't Remember]

That's so true. I just hate to inconvenience anyone, except me. thanks everyone for your support. you're my only friends. and I don't even have to pay you a co-pay.

[stella01]

hi your not the only 1 with no memory i have to ring 3 or 4 times to check my app times lol

[phoenix7]

Hope you had a bit of a rest and that you are feeling better - somthing my T told me lately - when the oxygen masks come down in a plane you are supposed to put your own mask on before seeing if your family or friends/people sitting next to you are ok - if you dont look after you - then you wont have the strength to look after someone else - please take care of you Your needs are every bit as important as everyone elses.

I think a lot of us were brought up to put everyones needs before our own - this is a hard habit to break but its one we must try to break - please try to put your needs first - speak to your T about this and take care P7

[Can't Remember]

I'm trying p7, but it sure ain't easy. Sometimes it feels like there are two of me. One in the daytime and one at night. The one during the day is much more head in the sand pretend everything is ok. But night me is not like that at all. So frustrating. Constant struggle between I want to be fine but I know I'm not.

[phoenix7]

my T said that fighting is not the answer - acceptance is - hmmm easily said - harder to do - take care p7