[Kumid]

Hi. My name is Jenn and at a T session today i was diagnosed as having PTSD.

Before i left my appointment today she said to me that next week we will be going over a treatment plan... I didn't have time to ask her but maybe you all will have an idea....

Will part of the treatment consist of talking out the things that created this disorder? ( I'm assuming it is and hoping its not )

I have had more than one instance that has brought me to this point and have been under others care before; however this is the first counselor that has said she is very positive that i suffer from PTSD.

I'm afraid of confronting all these issues head on. Some of them i have spent years and years trying to forget. The thought of bringing them back to the surface scares the crap out of me. I suppose that is why i am asking if this is a part of the treatment. I guess I'm trying to be as prepared as i can be if this is something that has to be done.

On a final thought, sorry if this has all sounded choppy, I'm kind of racing tonight... not sure what to think.

Thanks all

[gimmeice]

Hello kumid, it's nice to meet you. Welcome to psych central.
I think that you treatment plan will depend on your Ts style of therapy, regardless though you should be taking a baby steps, I don't think you should have to tackle it all at once or anything. The T that does my group therapy does exposure therapy for ptsd and that involves taking small steps towards discussing you trauma.
Again welcome to pc, if you have any questions will navigating the site please feel free to private message any community liaison or moderator, here is a link to a list of forum leaders.
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showgroups.php

[splitimage]

Welcome to psych central. The good news about PTSD is that it is treatable, although it usually takes a while. And yes it usually does involve talking about the trauma. But a good T will work with you slowly, builiding up trust and your own coping strategies, so it's very unlikely on the first session that you'd just plunge head first into the trauma right away. When my T put together my treatment plan, we were doing EMDR, it kind of involved laying out my life story and included things like key relationships with my parents, that we could work through. We didn't always work linearly, although overal we did work in a linear fashion, but I always got to chose the next target to work on, and we did lots of work on staying grounded in between hard targets too which kept me feeling safe.

Hope it goes well for you.
--splitimage

[Sannah]

Hi Kumid, welcome! Remember, this is your therapy. If you take ownership of it this will help in many ways. For one, it will empower you and this is so important to getting better. You are in control here so tell the therapist your fears so that you two can discuss them and if you don't want to discuss something if it is too early this is your right (all of this is you acting in an empowered way). The other good thing about you taking ownership of your therapy is that you will make better progress. Successful therapy is you enlisting the help of your therapist to get better. Therapy is not the therapist making you better.

[phoenix7]

Hi Kumid and ,

As everyone has said - the important thing is to take it at your own pace - let your T know about how you feel and that will help them to help you through this

With my first T i said about the whole event/events that led to my ptsd - and that actually helped get things out into the open - with my 2nd T we never went through the whole event/events - we just dealt with things as they came up and if something was too hard we would back off and talk about other things till I felt ok enough to discuss it

I hope things go well for you - dont forget we are here if you want to vent or ask questions or just talk - take care P7

[susie2009]

Hi.
I think the treatment plan is just what your goals are. At least that is what mine is made up of. I am also in group, that is okay. I still don't like to talk to people and want to stay in my own hole. I am usually allowed to at group, we all only have to say what we feel comfortable being public knowledge, and everything is supposed to be kept confidential. I am glad to know that they can get rid of the ptsd, but I was hoping it was after a few sessions. I have had it sense July, and been having help since October, when my temper got the best of me.

[Kumid]

I want to thank all who have responded to my post. It does help to know that ppl are listening thats for sure. I guess at this point i needto just cool my jets, so to speak, until my next appointment. I have a feeling the time in between will seem like forever, but i am thinking it is WELL worth the time.
Thanks again all and I will be here and checking in daily thank you all and happy well being

[Kumid]

I want to thank all of you that posted to me today. It means a lot to know that there are others who understand.

I guess the one good thing about this diagnosis is that it is something that can change. For years I have been mis-diagnosed with something they said i could never beat, something that was life long. Now that i can look at this as something i can get over through a lot of fighting and hard work it feels as tho a sentence has been lifted.

I can see a future ahead where as i could not before. So this indeed is a step forward.

I will be checking in here once a day and reading posts, I do believe this will be one of many outlets that will help me on this journey.

Thank you all for being so welcome and I hope our paths will cross more often

Be well ~~ Jenn

[Kumid]

I have been sitting down every night and writing in my journal. I used to sit and write about daily events or feelings however now I have been writing about the past. It seems the more I write the more i tend to remember about it all. The dreams that come with it are very hectic and range through all sorts of wacky things some okay some not.

I think one thing that may help a bit is I am 34 and right now I am writing about things that happened when i was under the age of ten. I have so many questions about everything at this point. I think my biggest frustration at this point is why those that knew it was going on did Nothing to "treat" it? Why wasn't i taken in when it all came out to talk to some one? It was all just sat down talked about once then swept under a rug. ~~ I think the only thing that my mind can come up with is the adult involved did only what they knew to do? Maybe she thought she had handled it? Maybe she had HOPED she handled it? Ugh is all i can say at this point.

I think back and keep thinking God I was so young...how can someone do things like that to a child? It makes me sick. I find as I write in my journal i have to stop because it upsets my stomach. Thats when i know its time to put down the pen and take a walk. I do a lot of walking and driving alone. I drift off into thought of the past years and all its events...they just replay and replay in a vicsious circle... Will this circle ever stop? does treatment tend to ease this? I hope that someday it will because im tired of reliving the past. Im tired of the ghosts.

For years and years i was diagnoses with bi-polar... hence i was treated for the wrong thing... nothing ever seemed to change. lol now i know why... Ya cant treat a broken toe with and ice pack on the wrist.

I'm not sure what i expect to get out of this post except for maybe getting this off my chest before i start a long day. I think it may help.

I dont know any of you persay but i can say the feeling of knowing that you are all here and can understand the insanity feeling that comes with this is very helpful indeed.

I hope that each of you have a bright and healthy day ~~ Jenn

[phoenix7]

"will this cycle ever stop " yes I hope so - therapy has made it easier for me to survive - I hope it does for you too

[skeksi]

Why wasn't i taken in when it all came out to talk to some one? It was all just sat down talked about once then swept under a rug.

I have asked the same questions, many times. Like you, the best I can figure is, the adults did the best they can--AND, it wasn't good enough. Being able to hold both ideas in my heart has made it easier to cope. But it takes time to find a way to interpret things in a way that feels right to you.

I'm glad you're getting treatment for the trauma now.

[sunrise]

Kumid, don't be too upset by the diagnosis. You're still you. You are not a diagnosis. If "PTSD" seems too scary and clinical to comtemplate, you can think of yourself as someone who experienced some traumatic events in your past and now you are going to work on healing. I find it less scary when my therapist and I talk about "trauma" rather than "PTSD." We used EMDR and talk therapy to treat the trauma. Your therapist will probably talk to you about different ways trauma can be treated and you will have a big say on what route you want to take. Your therapist will not force you to do anything you are not comfortable with or that you are not ready for. If she seems to be going too fast, you can tell her you need to slow down or that you need a break from the trauma work.

The first therapist I went to worked on depression with me and did not have any idea that a root problem for me was trauma. She never mentioned trauma to me at all. My next therapist figured out trauma at about our first meeting. I just think sometimes they look for a diagnosis that is within their expertise. If they don't know much about trauma, they may focus on other simultaneous conditions. Trauma is often complexed with depression, anxiety, etc. So I think it is not unusual you may have gone to professionals who didn't figure out the trauma.

I am glad you are now with someone who knows how to treat trauma.

Good luck. Remember, you are the one in control, and you can tell your therapist what is and is not working for you. You don't have to do anything that you find too scary. You also need to build up a lot of trust with your therapist to do this work, and the trust building itself can take time.

[Kumid]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Kumid, don't be too upset by the diagnosis.

Actually as weird as this may sound after years of being treated for something I thought would never have an end this diagnosis kind of left me with a feeling of relief. I am doing my best to see it like this : after years and years of walking around with anxiety, panic attacks, anger and explosion i Finally have a reason of Why. I finally have someone who is willing and i feel very able to help me over come much of this. I believe the hardest part of being wrongly diagnosed with bi-polar was i felt trapped by something that would never ever go away...this i feel is something i can conquer with time, patients and hard work. I feel as though i have been given a light at the end of what has been a very long and dark tunnel. I am under no preconception that this is an easy road, but i am more than willing to put on my seat belt and tackle it head on.

I must say that knowing that you all are here giving feed back as well as reading your personal posts makes this seem not so scary. It gives me some place to vent, understand and direct some of the questions i have while i wait for my treatment to begin.

You have all been very kind and i hope in time i will be able to return the favor to each of you.

Be Safe and Be well ~~Jenn

[phoenix7]

you sound very positive and thats a great help in getting through this - when I was diagnosed with ptsd it was a bit of a relief too - at least I knew there was somthing wrong and I wasnt just completely losing my mind

[Kumid]

I find that the more time goes by and the closer my appointment gets the more i am worried about digging everything out of its "box".

It took me a long long time to bury everything and be able to live a some what normal day.

Geesh a normal day?? A day spent biting my tongue when something happens and it triggers my anger and i want to break everything in sight... a normal day ... when i get in the shower and have to fight off thoughts of my bio father and just get through the shower as fast as i can ... normal day ... finding music that is harsh enough to give me the sense that my mind really isnt racing as fast as it is .. a normal day .. going to bed wondering what memories or terrors will find its way into my sleep .. a normal day ... inside wanting to find a male i can share life with while all the while chasing away any that come any where close to wanting to "be" with me .. a Normal day?? .... This ... This is the closest i have ever become to a normal day. This cant be normal. It is insane...

So if by digging out the memories that have caused all this insanity... things will get worse i imagine before they get better.... that is not something i look forward to ... It took me so long to dull it to the point it is now ... But I cant keep living like this..

For years and years i was told I have bi-polar and these emotions where just a part of that... Now they say that its not and I can conquer all of this with a lot of hard work ... For so long i thought i had reached the peak of what my life could be ... That i could control the bi-polar in a managable way ... I stopped beating the hell out of my house ... I stopped the ranting and the screaming .... But never once did I ever imagine that i could make it all "better"... (I dont know how else to explain what im trying to discribe)... ....... Now the script has been flipped. I am told i have a problem that can be worked on and a "better normal" life is out there. I have issues that can be worked through not just worked with. (if that makes any sense)

I guess I can say that I am looking forward to that day when a better tomorrow is in reach but i will admitt i am scared as hell to trudge through what brought me to this point. Scared of the memories that keep appearing. Maybe not scared of them directly so to speak but scared of the anger that I know is there. The anger is so dark and decievingly helpful when it appears. Thats what i am affraid of, not the past but of what the past brings out in me.

[phoenix7]

and your T can help you through that - deal with those emotions and let them go - yes its a hard road - but its better thant the alternative of living with the trauma unresolved

and dont forget us here at pc - we are here to give support when needed and when we are able

[Kumid]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

and your T can help you through that - deal with those emotions and let them go - yes its a hard road - but its better thant the alternative of living with the trauma unresolved

and dont forget us here at pc - we are here to give support when needed and when we are able

I woke up in a great mood today... i have a few more hours until my appointment. I have been writing down a lot of what i can remember and i think i'll have her copy what i have written so that next time we can discuss some of it. Im think maybe it may be easier that way. So many things i've never told anyone and i think saying it out load would be difficult. Maybe this approach will make it easier for me to talk about. Well at least im hoping.

Well, I'll have to let ya know how it goes, i think today will just be going over a treatment plan but i have it embedded into my head that it is MY T as you all have said and if I want to alter the plan i will deff speak up and say so.

I want to thank you all again for all the suport and ideas i have found on this site so far.

Be Strong and Be Well ~~ Jenn

[Sannah]

Kumid, you are very wise! You will do well working through all of this.....

[phoenix7]

Hope it goes well for you

[Kumid]

Well, yesterday went well. She is going to break everything into two parts. My T will work with me with the depression and severe anxiety and she has a partner who will work with me on Trauma Therapy. She explained that this approach will give each of them an opportunity to address each issue fully. I guess from my point of view it will help because I will know when I go in who i am going to be seeing and that will give me time to prepare for what will be discussed. My T explained that there are so many things that have bled into everyday life that she wants to be sure that those issues are tended to while the trauma is also being dealt with. I think it should work out ok. I hope lol.

She also gave the okay for me to work with my family doctor for any type of anti depressants to ensure that nothing counteracts with any meds I am already taking.

I feel safe with her. She is very easy to talk to and is a very positive person. I explained to her about this group and how it was very helpful getting me through the two week wait and how many of the topics you all have written helped bring to light things that are associated with PTSD.

All in all I feel good about the whole plan and am eager to get it started. And as ALWAYS THANK YOU ALL for being here !

Be Safe and Be Well ~~ Jenn

[Sannah]

Sounds like you are in good hands! (Your own and your T's!)

[phoenix7]

What a great session I am glad you feel safe with your T good luck on the healing road