[thelionkinglives]

If you are triggered by domestic violence reference , please don't read any further.

I just made a simple trip to the dollar store to get a couple batteries...
3 blocks from my house I saw a young black man in his early to mid-20's pulling a white woman out of her house by her hair, down her stairs & half a block IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!! No one did a damn thing but watch...
I pulled over, went for my cell phone & realized I forgot it.....

He let her go, then some friends came out & helped her out....

I had about 5 seconds where I thought about getting out of the car but I didn't this time either

I have in the past & just get frustrated when the women go back to them.....

Just another day & another trigger in this town

I heard the Tea party spokes man, say that Obama is implimenting "social justice" economics.......what's wrong with that? He said it like it's a bad thing? Isn't it time we subsidized people instead of corperations

I would love for that man to live here for one month...GRRRRRR

[KathyM]

Is there any particular reason why you mention his race? Domestic violence is not race specific. I'm a white woman who was married to a black man, with him for a total of ten years. We had our share of disputes, but he was NEVER physically or emotionally abusive. After 30 years, we are still friends and I'm still very close with my ex-inlaws. They are good people.

When we were married, it was strangers on the street who attacked us and threatened to kill us. You're right - no one stepped up to protect us. In fact, they thought it was funny.

Prior to this marriage I almost married a white man, but he became abusive and physically violent and vowed to kill me. He even attacked my father.

I'm sorry you feel this way.

[thelionkinglives]

Originally Posted by KathyM

Is there any particular reason why you mention his race? Domestic violence is not race specific. I'm a white woman who was married to a black man, with him for a total of ten years. We had our share of disputes, but he was NEVER physically or emotionally abusive. After 30 years, we are still friends and I'm still very close with my ex-inlaws. They are good people.

When we were married, it was strangers on the street who attacked us and threatened to kill us. You're right - no one stepped up to protect us. In fact, they thought it was funny.

Prior to this marriage I almost married a white man, but he became abusive and physically violent and vowed to kill me. He even attacked my father.

I'm sorry you feel this way.

The reason for the race reference was just as a descriptive thing...I mentioned her race too.
There was nothing underlying in it. When I have something that's triggering me I'm doing kind of a journaling thing as soon as I can.

Reading back, I do see why that would concern you. I've got this wierd thing going on right now where when I encounter something like that.I sometimes vividly remember an incident from my own childhood or past...but not what I just saw...so it mostly so I could read back later to recollect what I just saw.

I feel compelled to share a little bit of my past right now because of this.
My mom was in plenty of abusive relationships...& every single one of them was white.
I lived in the projects for a while where I was the only white kid....I was jumped & beaten often. Once hit over the head with a 2 X 4 with a nail in it & watched my mom get stabbed in the back by the mother of one of the kid's mother the next day.
My mom eventually married into an ultra racist family...I'm talking KKK garb wearing & the whole 9 yards. To be honest, I bought into when I was about 10. But then when I was 12, I was jumped by many of them when I started dating a couple hispanic girls. So I learned then they were no better than the black kids that jumped me.
Just to then turn around & be jumped by the brothers of the hispanic girls because I was white & they wanted into the Latin Kings.
I intentionally chose the area that I moved into because it is culturally diverse. My step dad never came over her...oh well. We have many Asians in the area to. So I get accustomed when talking to neighbors or when you report something to police, that I use descriptive language. Skin color is a descriptive trait, nothing more...the "asian kids down the street....the heavy set black guy next door..The white biker dude with the long beard.
Maybe it's my math nature to be descriptive, I don't know. I made a reference earlier that all the "Tea Party" people were older white men.
Just a discriptive trait of the participants. I in no way ment to imply that it was because of his color...he just happened to be black...so when I tell somebody, like the police...then I'm giving them something to go on.
I also know his hight, the fact that he had cornrolls & a gold ear ring. Just so they could make sure they I.D. The right chump that did it.

I was absolutly drivin back on how he did this right in the middle of the street.

[MyBestKids2]

Hi thelionkinglives

I had something very similar happen tonight (posted in PTSD). The cops asked me if he had any weapons, I had no idea. They were upstairs in the apartment. I knocked and knocked, no one would answer. I had to call the cops. Now I feel like the bad guy...

I think deep down I know I did the right thing!

Dee

[thelionkinglives]

Originally Posted by MyBestKids2

Hi thelionkinglives

I had something very similar happen tonight (posted in PTSD). The cops asked me if he had any weapons, I had no idea. They were upstairs in the apartment. I knocked and knocked, no one would answer. I had to call the cops. Now I feel like the bad guy...

I think deep down I know I did the right thing!

Dee

You did all you could at that point....was he o.k.?
Did he hurt himself? Did he get arrrested or something

[MyBestKids2]

He didn't hurt himself, he was throwing his girl friend up against the wall. It was horrible and very scary for my kids (13 and 10). The officers said there was nothing they could do, since there is no visible marks. She was screaming for about an hour!

[SeptemberMorn]

I don't understand why the race sensitivity. The mention of color, to me, is just a means of identification.

I don't understand prejudice, either. Maybe that's why I'm not sensitive to the mention of race.

There is good and bad in every single person and every single race and every single community and every single family. I accept each person on their own merit, not by their race, color or creed. Wouldn't it be a wonderful place if everyone was like that?

[thelionkinglives]

Originally Posted by SeptemberMorn

I don't understand why the race sensitivity. The mention of color, to me, is just a means of identification.

I don't understand prejudice, either. Maybe that's why I'm not sensitive to the mention of race.

There is good and bad in every single person and every single race and every single community and every single family. I accept each person on their own merit, not by their race, color or creed. Wouldn't it be a wonderful place if everyone was like that?

Thank you. To be fair to her, I understood why it stuck out to her at first. She's been in an interatial marriage, as are many people I know. They are always on gaurd for hidden meaning behind statements because of what history has showed them.

She rightfully so mentioned that his race had no barring on what happened. She's right it was independent of.
That's why I felt the need to fill her in on my background & make a point of saying I also told the race of the girl too, white. We have about 6 different ethnicities here. We do not know them all by 1st names so you use phases like..."that Mexican chick" That "white biker dude with the beard. , the fat bald black guy next door, the asian kid down the street.
I'm sure we are "those white people" & that's cool by me. But that comes out when I type sometimes because it's the way I talk.

I referenced the Tea party as mostly older white guys...they were

[darkpurplesecrets]

thelionkinglives

I can understand as I remember so many times in my life the domestic abuse I watched both at the hands of men and women. Color and race doesn't matter--what happened --happened. What is triggered is triggered and we have to deal with what comes back. I am sorry you had to see that. I have seen things like that and it terrifies me also to a point that I just shake within as though I am so cold.

PTSD is hard to live with without all the other stuff that goes with it. You did right to try to reach for your phone. I understand how the descriptive words used are how you deal with it. How one might be able to describe to someone for help. I remember things happening right in broad daylight and nothing happening also. Our windows being opened and the yelling and screaming, and the nieghbors sitting outside, yet no-one came to help.

thelionkinglives--I understand how you feel, and I hope you feel a little better sharing and getting it out. I know it was hard. Thank you for trusting us to share.

dps

[thelionkinglives]

Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets

thelionkinglives

I can understand as I remember so many times in my life the domestic abuse I watched both at the hands of men and women. Color and race doesn't matter--what happened --happened. What is triggered is triggered and we have to deal with what comes back. I am sorry you had to see that. I have seen things like that and it terrifies me also to a point that I just shake within as though I am so cold.

PTSD is hard to live with without all the other stuff that goes with it. You did right to try to reach for your phone. I understand how the descriptive words used are how you deal with it. How one might be able to describe to someone for help. I remember things happening right in broad daylight and nothing happening also. Our windows being opened and the yelling and screaming, and the nieghbors sitting outside, yet no-one came to help.

thelionkinglives--I understand how you feel, and I hope you feel a little better sharing and getting it out. I know it was hard. Thank you for trusting us to share.

dps

Thank you guys for letting me. Because I'm immediately typing as soon as i can to keep it fresh. By her asking that question allows me to go back & analyze why did I say it that way...In this case I'm comfortable with the words I chose....I would have been conserned more if it was only HIS race I referenced. Because then maybe that mean's it's triggering feelings from the time I was jumped by the black guys.

This is 2 in 2 days & starting new meds. The thing I'm the most embarrassed about is for some reason I didn't get out of the care...I have in the past but past deeds don't excuse me from not doing it this time

So I sat live part of the heard watching basically. I don't usually do that, it was pretty brutal

[KathyM]

LionKing

I found it strange because race wasn't relevant in your story. You were referring to domestic violence between a man and a woman. If it had been a white couple fighting, would you have made a point to state their race? You went on to describe the hairstyle of the black man, but said nothing about the physical appearance of the white woman.

It's a thorn in my side because people often like to portray black men as dangerous - feeding the stereotype. They also like to portray white women who date black men as either weak or unlovable. It wasn't necessary for you to mention either race because we are not the police and can do nothing about the crime.

How would it sound if I said: "I saw a man with a big nose pulling a red-haired woman out of her house. I get frustrated when the women go back to them. Maybe I should become a hermit." Wouldn't it sound a little confusing? Don't you think someone would question my use of the word "them" - i.e., men in general, or just men with big noses / women in general, or just those with red hair?

Just trying to help you understand the other side of the coin.

[thelionkinglives]

Originally Posted by KathyM

LionKing

I found it strange because race wasn't relevant in your story. You were referring to domestic violence between a man and a woman. If it had been a white couple fighting, would you have made a point to state their race? You went on to describe the hairstyle of the black man, but said nothing about the physical appearance of the white woman.

It's a thorn in my side because people often like to portray black men as dangerous - feeding the stereotype. They also like to portray white women who date black men as either weak or unlovable. It wasn't necessary for you to mention either race because we are not the police and can do nothing about the crime.

How would it sound if I said: "I saw a man with a big nose pulling a red-haired woman out of her house. I get frustrated when the women go back to them. Maybe I should become a hermit." Wouldn't it sound a little confusing? Don't you think someone would question my use of the word "them" - i.e., men in general, or just men with big noses / women in general, or just those with red hair?

Just trying to help you understand the other side of the coin.

At this point, I've acknowledge I understood your sensitivity with it & could see the initial reaction.
I have adequately explained in great detail my precise reason for what & why I posted it the way I posted it.
I live my life understanding the other side of the coin.
I tutor & coach young boys & girls in a poor area, where I am the minority.
I am a person who is always pointing out injustices in defense of these particular groups of kids.

I wasn't going to go here but you keep pushing a little. I did not go into describing her 1. because she wasn't the assailant 2. Because her face was facing down toward the cement dripping blood & she was being dragged by her hair down the street. Since she wasn't on her feet I could not see how tall she was, I could not see what color her eyes were, etc.

As for the big nose thing...I get where your going but if the man's nose is large enough to be a distinguishing feature then it's relevant.

One last time, I did acknokledge immediately I could see "your side of the coin' by pointing out the issues I'm aware you face.

if it's an apology your looking for, it won't happen I did nothing wrong. It's simply 2 different perspectives from each of our own realities.

If you still feel as though there was stereotyping in the post in anyway & still feel that way after my coherient, logical explanation then it's simply you mis-projecting your grievances on to me personally, which I'm not willing to absorb.

[bearchic34]

KathyM~ Is there a particular reason you are trying to put words in LionKings mouth? Seriously? You completely missed the entire point of what happened and why it bothered him. For a man, ANY MAN to have the balls to do that in broad day light is what got under his skin, and for everyone out there to just ignore it and not help the VICTIM! Black is descriptive...as if someone were describing me they would say short and fat/plump/overweight whatever. i do not see it as an insult in anyway. It was just helping to tell the story. it is people like YOU that are overly sensitive and that are not comfortable with their own choices that make 'race' an issue. You have no need to feel guilty for falling in love with and marrying a colored man. So don't over react and make it seem like people are still treating you like the 1960's when you wouldn't be allowed in some places because of your choices. Projecting your issues on other does nothing to help the situation. oh and I wanna point out JUST to be clear when LK said "women going back to them" with the context of the story and what is general knowledge about abuse he was obviously saying going back to their ABUSER not a black man..........This is just really frusteraing that someone can come talk because they had a trigger moment and get jumped on by some insecure person trying to find a reason to complain. There are plenty, pick one that is real

[KathyM]

Lionking - I wasn't asking for an apology. I apologize for upsetting you.

Bearchic - I wasn't trying to put words in his mouth. I felt my words were being misunderstood and was trying to explain where I was coming from in my original post. I'll no longer post in this thread.

Again, I'm sorry Lionking.

[thelionkinglives]

Originally Posted by KathyM

Lionking - I wasn't asking for an apology. I apologize for upsetting you.

Bearchic - I wasn't trying to put words in his mouth. I felt my words were being misunderstood and was trying to explain where I was coming from in my original post. I'll no longer post in this thread.

Again, I'm sorry Lionking.

No problem, believe me if an honest misunderstanding on a forum is the worse thing that happens to me I'm living a good life.

In these tough economic times we all need to make sure we don't turn on each other.

Perhaps, I should have originally posted it in the PTSD forum to begin with.

BTW, I have not forgotten your sons situation & while I do not subscribe to a traditional religion I continue to send thoughts & positive energy his way & yours. We are all adults here. No harm, no foul.

As for Bearchic34, in the interest of full disclosure she is my wife. I'm very lucky to have such a loving caring woman at my side & her claws came out a little.

All is good on this end

[phoenix7]

I'm sorry you were triggered by that - it must have been horrible - you did do somthing - you reached for your phone - then her friends came - it probably wasnt a long time inbetween - you did the best you could with what you had at the time -

[thelionkinglives]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

I'm sorry you were triggered by that - it must have been horrible - you did do somthing - you reached for your phone - then her friends came - it probably wasnt a long time inbetween - you did the best you could with what you had at the time -

thanks phoenix, it was bad, it did trigger me, but it's nothing I can't get passed. I hope the woman is doing o.k.
When I've seen these situations in the past or other things that trigger me. There's a pattrn I usually follow...I get really angry about it.....then I start recalling something from my past for about a 48 hour period, then my short term memory of the recent event gets "spotty".
Today, I noticed I couldn't recall if it was 3 blocks or 4 blocks away....I had to drive back buy the house to remember...seems minor maybe but it's only been 24 hours. Since the NIU shootings last year, my short term memory hasn't been working for crap...I'm just trying to figure out why & fix it.

[phoenix7]

Stress makes your memory worse - so does ptsd - take care P7

Though many-a-time I've had to live in the same apartments as drug addicts, criminals. etc. I've oddly enough never witnessed...as in actually seeing DV (Unless you count my step brother punching out his room mate in front of everyone...and would have probably escalated into the two beating on each other if my step dad wasn't there ...but given his track record it wasn't surprising). Though, I can imagine what it would be like.