[sky dancer]

in ourselves and others?

I am considering this. How do I offer and recieive honest feedback that is not judging, blaming or shaming?

Any thoughts?

This is extremely difficult for me to recieve positive feedback. I am very attuned and expect harsh criticism, punishment, betrayal and anger from others.

It is the loveable part that is most challenging for me.

I had a recent experience with three chat buddies who attended me in a difficult time. I felt their non-judging and kind presence and was able to utilize the suggestons they offered.

When I recieved some feedback recently from another source I was not able to benefit from it. I experienced it as a replay--a re-enactment of the humiliation and abuse I had as a young child.

Your thoughts on the matter?

It's a topic of interest to me.

Another is why do I continually try and get everyone to like me? Why can't I accept that some people will see me demonically and others will see me as a loving and kind person?

I'm the same person, I'm just seen through the lens of someone else's judgment. My friends exaggerate my positive qualities and my enemies exaggerate my negative qualities. Both ignore oppositie evidence.

Consequently, I must find myself, and accept myself, all parts of myself, even the ones that are disturbing to others as wholesome and important parts of how I survived a lifetime of trauma.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

[phoenix7]

[quote=sky dancer;1012179]in ourselves and others?

I am considering this. How do I offer and recieive honest feedback that is not judging, blaming or shaming?

Speak from your heart - listen with your heart - take what feels right -m understand that we all have our own views and have a right to them - dont take offence when someone differs from your view - dont take it personally - its just their view - we are all here to help one another


This is extremely difficult for me to recieve positive feedback. I am very attuned and expect harsh criticism, punishment, betrayal and anger from others.

The hardest part I found was just saying thankyou if someone said somthig nice to me - instead of downplaying it - like gee thats a nice skirt - oh its old and shows off how fat I am !! I just say thankyou

It is the loveable part that is most challenging for me.

Me too!!!

I had a recent experience with three chat buddies who attended me in a difficult time. I felt their non-judging and kind presence and was able to utilize the suggestons they offered.

thats great

When I recieved some feedback recently from another source I was not able to benefit from it. I experienced it as a replay--a re-enactment of the humiliation and abuse I had as a young child.

Im sorry that happened - maybe you took it personally? if they were rude you should report them - this is a place for support

Another is why do I continually try and get everyone to like me? Why can't I accept that some people will see me demonically and others will see me as a loving and kind person?

I think you answer this in the next paragraph

Consequently, I must find myself, and accept myself, all parts of myself, even the ones that are disturbing to others as wholesome and important parts of how I survived a lifetime of trauma.

that is a brilliant statement

take care -

[sky dancer]

[quote=phoenix7;1012913][quote=sky dancer;1012179]in ourselves and others?


Speak from your heart - listen with your heart - take what feels right -m understand that we all have our own views and have a right to them - dont take offence when someone differs from your view - dont take it personally - its just their view - we are all here to help one another

It's difficult not not take it personally when it is directed at me personally.

The hardest part I found was just saying thankyou if someone said somthig nice to me - instead of downplaying it - like gee thats a nice skirt - oh its old and shows off how fat I am !! I just say thankyou

It is the loveable part that is most challenging for me.

Me too!!!

Im sorry that happened - maybe you took it personally? if they were rude you should report them - this is a place for support

I will never report another's behavior. I will only work on my own.

Thank you for responding.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by sky dancer

It's difficult not not take it personally when it is directed at me personally.

Maybe this is a boundary thing? Remind yourself where the boundary is and that everyone is seperate?

[luckylucille]

Originally Posted by sky dancer

in ourselves and others?

I am considering this. How do I offer and recieive honest feedback that is not judging, blaming or shaming?

Any thoughts?

I always speak from the heart..but I ask myself if I'm in the space to do that b/c I am not sometimes. If I am not I dont respond and let the other person know that now is not a good time.

This is extremely difficult for me to recieve positive feedback. I am very attuned and expect harsh criticism, punishment, betrayal and anger from others.

It is the loveable part that is most challenging for me.

This can be for me too. I have a bad tendancy to go to people that cant support me emotionally. I set myself up. Getting to know people that I am able to take risks with means I am vulnerable. Right now I too, feel like I am in the middle but know its my responsibility to make changes.

I had a recent experience with three chat buddies who attended me in a difficult time. I felt their non-judging and kind presence and was able to utilize the suggestons they offered.

When I recieved some feedback recently from another source I was not able to benefit from it. I experienced it as a replay--a re-enactment of the humiliation and abuse I had as a young child.

Your thoughts on the matter?

It's a topic of interest to me.

Another is why do I continually try and get everyone to like me? Why can't I accept that some people will see me demonically and others will see me as a loving and kind person?

I have some experience with this but different. I know someone that likes who I am as a person and she continually asks me to reassure her that I dont think she is weird or "out there". It isn't my job to reassure her. And right now I have seperated myself from her b/c I have so much conflict going on in my life that I dont have the energy to constantly reassure anyone of anything. It is draining. I understand the process she is going through though b/c I had to go through that too.

She seeks me out when she spots me in some of the same social circles I am in. Sometimes I think people are just trying to deal with their own issues. It's not personal and I know for me...i had to go through every bit of everything I did to become who I am today. Some days are tougher than others and I attempt to look for support that is healthy...not always succesfully though. I honor the process that others have to go through but let them do it on their own...unless I have the energy myself to help.
I'm the same person, I'm just seen through the lens of someone else's judgment. My friends exaggerate my positive qualities and my enemies exaggerate my negative qualities. Both ignore oppositie evidence.

Consequently, I must find myself, and accept myself, all parts of myself, even the ones that are disturbing to others as wholesome and important parts of how I survived a lifetime of trauma.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

I dont know if this helped and rest assured their is no judgement...just my experience.

[Mouse_]

I think if your looking for non-judgemental threatning support via feedback on a web site, thats not always going to be possible as everyone is at a different stage of their journey.

It sounds like perhaps you need one on one with a professional at this point in your life until you can manage the sometimes "way out there" feedback that is possible on web sites.

Then you will not be effected by others judgements because you will feel secure enought inside and can just say "ok I hear you, but thats not right for me right now".