So I'm wondering if anyone else out there has conversations with your T in your head in between sessions? And if you do this, have you told your T about it?

I've been having talks with my T in my head from the beginning, rehearsing what I would say to her in my next session. Only lately have these talks turned more into fantasies of how I would like my T to react to something I tell her, or of how I want to show intense emotion that I have thus far been unable to show in therapy. I have NOT told my T about this, but I think I may ask her if she considers it normal for me to have a convo with her in my head. But then I know she'll ask for more details, and I also know that she'll know if I'm holding back about the fantasies part! I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about having that conversation with T!

I really hope that this is a rather 'normal' part of therapy and that it only means that my relationship with my T is strengthening.

[deliquesce]

it's completely normal for me, but i have conversations with everyone in my head, so pdoc is no exception.

i think he thinks it is pretty normal too, because he has often tried to help me out by saying "just pretend i'm sitting with you and cracking a whip to keep you going" (in reference to me procrastinating uni assignments all the time). and then he'll ask me the following week if i am sick of his voice yet, or tell me that he started arguing with me when i started getting stubborn about it (aha! he does it too, then ).

seriously, i think it's no biggie. i remember telling this to my ex once, however, and she was kinda like "WTF?! you crazy person!!" and that was the first time i realised that maybe not everyone does it. she thought it was so bizarre, but whatever, i find it useful.

i know my pdoc would be really chuffed that i have convos with him during the week. he'd see it as an important counterbalance to the negative stuff i'd otherwise tell myself, and he'd also feel honoured that i value his opinion so much that he's someone i turn to have a chat with anyway.

[thinker22]

Haha. I hate to admit it, but a year before I joined this site I totally got into In Treatment on HBO. There was a patient of his during the second season that said she talked to the therapist (played by Gabriel Byrne) in her head in between sessions. He said, "And what did I say?" She tells him and he says, "Well that's some pretty good advice I gave you."

[mightaswelllive]

haha thinker i remember that episode...

I talk to T in my head. It helps prepare for sessions. She tells me that when I need her and she's not available to try and figure out what she would say to me to get me to understand the issue or help me through it. It must be normal if she's telling me to do it.

I did that....
Before I even had a T
I had an imaginary one in my head
That gave all sorts of wisdom

[Elysium]

I do it ALL the time. I find myself keeping T in the back of my mind....almost like she had a vacation home there or something...LOL

And yes, I have had convos in my head were I have imagined breaking down and her being there for me to help me cope. This has served very useful at times when I don't feel like I can come right out, in person, with something. Even though I know I could tell T anything and she would not judge me, sometimes it just hard to let it out.

Yeah....I think it's more the norm.

[ECHOES]

I have told my T of my fantasy conversations. Not the content but that I have them. She wants me to talk about the content but I don't.
We have talked about "preparing" as if there is a right way to talk in therapy. T would rather I not add that stress onto myself and just come in and talk about whatever comes to mind, as it comes to mind, and how it comes to mind at that moment.

My fantasizing is about that I idealize people, and especially T. As she becomes more 'real' to me and I become more comfortable with her--trust and comfort don't seem to come at the same time for me--I fantasize less (sometimes I feel sad about that) and I'm able to talk more freely in therapy. But I also feel better because I don't have to deal with the disappointments and disconnects and all the things that get stirred up when the reality didn't match my fantasizing.

I wish I could tell her more about the fantasizing but I can't.

I do have conversations with T in my head. Sometimes before a session, I will think about the things I want to say to him, and how he might react.

I mainly do it between sessions when I want to call/e-mail. If I need his viewpoint/advice/support, I can usually imagine pretty clearly what he will say in response to what I need to say. And then I don't need to call. If I just need to *connect*, I'll still call/e-mail.

I do it IN session a bit too. I'll think "well, I'm going to say x and T will say y" so I'll tell him "x" and then add "DON'T say y!" Gotta keep him on his toes, you know!

[chaotic13]

I have all kinds of conversations in my head.

[pegasus]

Yes, it's all good! Getting your own internal therapist!

Originally Posted by thinker22

Haha. I hate to admit it, but a year before I joined this site I totally got into In Treatment on HBO. There was a patient of his during the second season that said she talked to the therapist (played by Gabriel Byrne) in her head in between sessions. He said, "And what did I say?" She tells him and he says, "Well that's some pretty good advice I gave you."

I watch that show, too - I had to LOL when the therapist said that some studies have shown that having imaginary conversations in your head is the mark of a highly intelligent person. And then April, the patient, asked what the other studies show...

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

And yes, I have had convos in my head were I have imagined breaking down and her being there for me to help me cope. This has served very useful at times when I don't feel like I can come right out, in person, with something. Even though I know I could tell T anything and she would not judge me, sometimes it just hard to let it out.

Oh, that's SO right where I am now! I imagine telling T something in my head, and I'm able to tell her that in session, but my reaction is never as emotional as I imagined it to be. But I really want to let that emotion out, and I've even told my T that. So it sounds like it's a good coping strategy to continue with the fantasies. Maybe one day, fantasy will become reality!

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I have told my T of my fantasy conversations. Not the content but that I have them. She wants me to talk about the content but I don't.
> ECHOES - you're brave!
We have talked about "preparing" as if there is a right way to talk in therapy. T would rather I not add that stress onto myself and just come in and talk about whatever comes to mind, as it comes to mind, and how it comes to mind at that moment.
> My T is the exact same way - once, when we were first starting out, I brought in a list of things to discuss. My T wanted me to not prepare so much but just come into the room and be present, and see what emotions came up in my mind. As much as I want to do that, I'm a planner, and I feel better after rehearsing conversations with her in my head. But I can't help wondering if it does take away from the therapy, since I'm not being spontaneous much of the time. T has a way of throwing me off my game, though, questioning things that I've never considered, or gently pushing me to tell her more on a subject (I haven't rehearsed that part yet, T! ). So I know that it's good for me to get off my ingrained story and to explore deeper.

My fantasizing is about that I idealize people, and especially T. As she becomes more 'real' to me and I become more comfortable with her--trust and comfort don't seem to come at the same time for me--I fantasize less (sometimes I feel sad about that) and I'm able to talk more freely in therapy. But I also feel better because I don't have to deal with the disappointments and disconnects and all the things that get stirred up when the reality didn't match my fantasizing.
> Oh, ECHOES - how did you get inside my head? I also have a habit of idealizing people, especially ones I put into that maternal role (Hello, T!). And while I feel my trust for T growing, I'm still struggling with being comfortable enough to be completely open and vulnerable with her. I don't know what I'm afraid will happen. I tell myself that I am being very open with her, as far as telling her just about everything I can, but it's that 'just about' that's getting me. And I'm not letting the emotions through, either - T says I talk more with my adult self, but the emotions are with my child self. I'm not sure how to access that child self, but I suppose I can fantasize about it some and see what I come up with. And of course, I can talk about it with my T!

Thanks, ECHOES!

[ECHOES]

As much as I want to do that, I'm a planner, and I feel better after rehearsing conversations with her in my head.

Have you explored this? Do you think it is connected to wanting to feel in control? Or worrying about how you 'sound'? Or some negative reaction/feeling T might have? What is it about 'rehearsing' that makes you feel better? What does thinking about *not* planning and *not* rehearsing bring up.. about you, about T?

So much to explore!

I tell myself that I am being very open with her, as far as telling her just about everything I can, but it's that 'just about' that's getting me.

Yes! Me too. I think, in session, that I'm being open and honest and then when I leave and chuck off my armor (that I didn't know I had on) I sometimes am very aggravated with myself for fooling myself into thinking I was being open and honest. Often on the way home I get repeatedly poked by my thoughts that I held back. .... Holding back. she knows I do, she sees it as it happens.. I know it too, but it seems to be beyond my ability to stop doing it and I often don't even know what it is I'm holding back.

And, yes yes yes to the idealizing mother figures and especially T!!

Have you explored this? Do you think it is connected to wanting to feel in control? Or worrying about how you 'sound'? Or some negative reaction/feeling T might have? What is it about 'rehearsing' that makes you feel better? What does thinking about *not* planning and *not* rehearsing bring up.. about you, about T?

I haven't explored the 'rehearsing' with my T outright, since I haven't told her about the rehearsing I do in my head. But wow, just thinking about having that convo with T makes my stomach do flips! I think I have a fear of the unknown - if I walk into my session and don't know right away what I will talk about, then what? I want to know where we'll start out in the session, even if that isn't where we end up. Yes, it's a major control issue I have.

I always seem to come up with issues in between sessions that I really want to discuss in my next session, so I completely overthink them, and then it's almost a letdown after T and I discuss the issues, and they seem so simple compared to what I drummed up in my head. T knows, she once called me out on it before I even realized that's how I was feeling. I swear, my T is more inside my head than I am sometimes!

I have expressed to my T my need for being in control... more of my emotions in front of her than anything else that is happening in a session. So in that respect, I suppose it is about worrying how I look or sound. I have told T a few things that I was afraid I'd get a negative reaction, that she'd judge me, and of course she didn't.

So much to explore indeed - oy!

I think, in session, that I'm being open and honest and then when I leave and chuck off my armor (that I didn't know I had on) I sometimes am very aggravated with myself for fooling myself into thinking I was being open and honest.

That must be hard! Usually, I don't realize that I've held back until I'm journaling about my session, and I'll remember something that I should've added to our convo. One time, I told my T a dream that I had, and she proposed an interpretation that was spot-on - the dream symbolized that I was pretending like I didn't know the answers to all the questions, when in fact I did, deep down. I about fell off my chair when T asked if that could possibly be the case for me in therapy. After a minute of stunned silence, I realized that my own unconscious had brought this something out that I hadn't even realized, that a lof of the answers do lie within me, and that I was indeed holding back some things that, if I shared them with my T, would help me on my journey - wild!

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by mightaswelllive

It must be normal if she's telling me to do it.

Why couldn't it be a notch or two better than normal? I figure "normal" must represent the middle of the scale, not the top.

-------------------------------
Hi mighty, our paths cross again! con permiso

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by dreamseeker9

I think I have a fear of the unknown - if I walk into my session and don't know right away what I will talk about, then what? I want to know where we'll start out in the session, even if that isn't where we end up. Yes, it's a major control issue I have.

It may actually be a control issue for you but there's another way I can picture it, too. Suppose when you walk into a session you're still juggling a whole lot of bits and pieces in your head, not sure how/if they'll turn out to fit together or which one to start looking at first. You'd probably prefer to begin at the beginning, but which part is the beginning? If you started in some places you might have to do a lot of backtracking, have a harder time pulling the story together, and maybe get left with a lot of loose ends. You and your T would be doing a delicate dance, encouraging you to go for it and get all it out, but also not to be afraid to back up and start over if necessary the better to get it all out.

I figure that creative control in saying your say isn't necessarily a bad thing.

[(JD)]

I would it would be in your best interest, when you and your T talk "in your head" that you only have T say those things that she has said to you, good therapy and support. Otherwise, you may be stalemating one of the better elements of therapy: the relationship.

I don't think it is always a control issue ref that... therapy can be fraught with fear at the beginning, until the trust is built. You may want to know what the session is about and where it will go because of the need to feel safe. That's ok.

Originally Posted by _Sky

I would it would be in your best interest, when you and your T talk "in your head" that you only have T say those things that she has said to you, good therapy and support. Otherwise, you may be stalemating one of the better elements of therapy: the relationship.

I don't think it is always a control issue ref that... therapy can be fraught with fear at the beginning, until the trust is built. You may want to know what the session is about and where it will go because of the need to feel safe. That's ok.

Yeah, I agree - T is always very positive and supportive in my head, the same as she's been so far in sessions. And I think there is still a part of me that's building the trust, that doesn't want to let it all hang out there quite yet, that still wants to feel safe in that room. All things I should discuss with my T!

[rainbow8]

Dreamseeker and ECHOES: I so, so relate to what you said about planning sessions and fantasizing about them ahead of time. I used to do that all the time! The problem is, like you've said, that when I'd have my session, it would never be as good as my fantasy session. I never cry in therapy, and in a lot of my fantasy sessions I would cry and then my T would comfort me. Or I would have some sort of breakdown or break through, or something very emotional would happen. But, I never let that happen during my actual session. I was too controlled.

As far as having an agenda, my T said it was okay to have notes but she always told me that it would be better just to see where the session goes, not to plan it. That was scary for me, but it was productive sometimes. Other times I felt I had to stick to my agenda.

When I did this "rehearsing" ahead of time, I would try to be realistic, but most of the time it would end up in some "soap opera" type fantasy anyway! That made for some disappointing sessions. Sometimes, though, when I least expected it, a session would turn out to be as good as my fantasy, even though it never involved crying or being comforted by my T.

Now that I see my T only a few times a year, I still talk to her in my head. I think about what she would say to me if I called her, or had a session. I read my notes to see her words to me. I try not to fantasize about sessions that will never happen, as it's too painful for me. Instead, I think about the good, connected sessions where I felt close to my T and where we accomplished a lot. Since I don't have has as much in person, it's GOT to be in my head.

[fallenangel337]

I do this, too. I feel like it is a completely normal thing to do.

It helps me get from session to session, I think. It really helps me relive the connection that I feel in T, so that helps bring me to a more relaxed and comfortable state. Also, if I'm going through a difficult situation, I imagine how T would coach me through it, and what she would say. Doing that really helps me a lot.

However, I've never talked to T about this. I'm not opposed to it, but right now, there are more pressing issues to deal with for me.

[thinker22]

Originally Posted by Fool Zero

Why couldn't it be a notch or two better than normal? I figure "normal" must represent the middle of the scale, not the top.

-------------------------------
Hi mighty, our paths cross again! con permiso

I'm with you on that Fool Zero. Come on, who wants normal anyway? It's the lowest common donominator.

Instead of worrying about normal, we should see our conditions as making us elite in a way. Like, instead of saying only 2% of people have my problems, think "I'm in the top 2 percentile." I'm just plain weird in every category...vegetarian, non-believer in the supernatural, scientist, bipolar, artist, center-brained, etc.

[skeksi]

I think it's a really good sign that I talk to my T in my head. It has cut way down on me verbally abusing myself in my head I hear his voice much more often than my abuser's voice or my family's unhelpful voices. I think it's proof that I am internalizing his healthy perspective on things.

Originally Posted by skeksi

I think it's a really good sign that I talk to my T in my head. It has cut way down on me verbally abusing myself in my head I hear his voice much more often than my abuser's voice or my family's unhelpful voices. I think it's proof that I am internalizing his healthy perspective on things.

(((((((((((((((skeksi)))))))))))))))))

Wow - thanks for pointing this out. I think this is true for me too, but I hadn't thought about it that way...

[fallenangel337]

Originally Posted by skeksi

I think it's a really good sign that I talk to my T in my head. It has cut way down on me verbally abusing myself in my head I hear his voice much more often than my abuser's voice or my family's unhelpful voices. I think it's proof that I am internalizing his healthy perspective on things.

This is the same for me. Instead of hearing all of the people putting me down and telling me I won't make it, I hear T telling me that I don't give myself enough credit, and that I can do anything that I set my mind to.