T is gone

on vacation like many other T's in the universe. I saw him today and won't see him again for three weeks. Ugh.

We recorded him doing a guided imagery relaxation for me. I have it on my Ipod.
It was weird because I was a bit wired today but I really wanted to have this recording for when he is gone. So I reminded him about this, and asked him if we could do it and he was fine with it. We have done relaxation once before so I was anticipating a particular guided imagery but he did a different one and I'm like, . But it was wonderful and he incorporated breathing, body relaxation, feelings of calm and safety to "take with me." Sigh. I will really miss him but I am accepting and not as freaked out as I have been in prior years. He said I was getting to be an expert in T vacations and I told him that I was no longer afraid to discuss it, but that I was still worried and sad. (Couldn't let him off the hook completely-you know?) Yeah--I know--ask me in two weeks and I'll tell a different story. But today I know he needs a break, some R & R.

I will keep myself busy with back to school stuff.

(((((((((((((((((((Miss C))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so glad you have T's voice on your ipod to listen to while he is gone. I hope that makes the break a little more bearable for you

And we are REALLY GOOD at commiserating about T vacations on this board, so come and vent to us

Lots of to you, dear friend!

Love this

I love that T made you a g.i. and you have it on your ipod!! Oh to have T's voice right "there" would be wonderful.

(((MissC))) I'm so glad you are feeling good with this.
My how you have grown

Yes Echoes, I'm a big girl now!

Miss C- Yes- to have yor t's voice on your ipod to take with you everywhere! That sounds very soothing. Dont they call it a "transitional object"? You have a transitional voice!

3 weeks IS a long time I laughed when you said you werent going to completely let him off the hook....there will probably be a lot of posts abou t vacationers

My t is going away for a week the first wk in sept. What a great time for our family to take a vacation! So I made reservations. When I told my t that I think she was a little shocked!
(I should have told her I was going where SHE was going....just kidding....)

Miss C

That's great that you have your T's voice on your iPod - so cool! My T is on a 3-week vacation, so that's actually 4 weeks in between T sessions instead of the usual week. I'm not even halfway through, and I'm really starting to miss talking to T. But I'm still in the mindset that I'm glad T can get away for some R&R. My concern is that it will be very difficult for me to reconnect with T once her vacation is over - I don't trust easily, and I wonder if it will take me awhile to start trusting T all over again. But I have over 2 weeks to think about that!

We'll get through this, Miss C! And then no more vacations for our T's for awhile!

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the good wishes. (clk, echoes, dreemseeker, Tree

HAHAHA -- like the movie, "What About Bob?"

My breaks from T go like this: Week one: I miss him, but justify it by saying he needs a vacation. Week two: I am beginning to get anxious and think that he has some nerve taking this long of a vacation. He must be rich or something. Week three: I hate him. He shouldn't take vacation, T who?

Yeah--the absolute worst is the first appointment after break. I will walk in and stare at him like he's a stranger. I will not be able to connect. He will chat about general things to help me. He might talk a little about his vacation. Eventually, I begin to thaw and I talk to him slightly. OR I get really mad at him because I need that defense. Ugh.

((dreamseeker)) Hang in there. We'll miss T together.

This is SO true (hence my summer from hell!). When I read this, I thought...we should have some kind of "reconnecting plan" with our Ts. Like, for me, it would probably feel really reconnecting to play, so we could always play dots or Uno or color mandalas after a break. I bet that would make me feel safe, and like T is still T, and like T and I are still "us". Hmmm.

I think I'm seriously on to something here....

Tree, while I love your plan, T and I don't play together. Maybe I will just tell her what I've been doing while she was on vacation. But right now, I'm feeling very blah, like I don't even want to talk to T. Of course, I may feel differently in two weeks.

(((((((((((dreamseeker)))))))))))))

Oh, I know, I was thinking of a plan that makes sense for ME. And then wondering if other people have something that feels connecting that they could plan with their Ts after a break.

Breaks are hard. I'm sorry you're feeling blah

((((((((((((((MC)))))))))))))) Can you make a tracker until T comes back????

Yes that 1st session after T returns, even if I have held up very well (Denial is so handy), is usually just awful. I feel like the kid who played and had fun with the other kids and then when Mom reappeared.. suddenly realized Mom had been gone... and there is Hell to pay. lol

HA! That's awesome! You sound just like me.

Yeah I'm begining to contemplate my first session back in september and know I will be all quite and the excitement I am feeling now at therapy resuming will feel like a lie...

(((((((((((((((Miss))))))))))))))))
Sitting with you!

((Melba, kiya, tumnus echoes, coco,))

Melba, I wonder why it will feel like a lie? I know exactly what you mean. I wonder if the idea of an intimate relationship dissolves into a lie quickly because our internalized experience with family of origin dictates that.

I really wonder if we can ever really truly heal from this? I mean, it feels like it is at a cellular level. You know, if someone is anemic for a long time, the shape of their cells changes. I think this might be true for infants and children who are neglected. I imagine that the level of knowing what to expect is at a shape-changing cellular level. So we have to use our intellect to carry what we learn at an emotional level in therapy. And we carry it with us and remind ourselves on a cognitive level, that we are not alone, it just FEELS like that. Oy, what a task for us!



Echoes, the denial is a learned skill and these are the times I know my mother did at least SOMETHING valuable. She taught me DENIAL--and I don't mean the river!

*runs to nearest lab!!!*

I still have over 2 weeks to go, but I find myself not even wanting to talk to T. I think it's a trust issue for me - I feel like we were really building that trust, and now we'll have 4 weeks off. Boo. I warned T that I'd clam up, and that's exactly what I feel like doing.

((((Miss C)))) I loved this post. It is so true- our idea of an intimate relationship dissolves so quickly into a lie. It becomes what we have always expected.

And speaking of denial...this thursday is my last t appt for 12 days. OK- what do I have to complain about? Your t is gone for 3 weeks! But Im tellin' ya- its enough time for me to completely lose it. I I dont need much. Im in a state of denial. Imagining her on vacation.....having fun without me in her life.....

Yes- Just like that movie "What About Bob" I'll stalk her and go on our family vacation where she is going...can you imagine?
I havent even gotten up the courage to ask her where she is going. I feel like I dont even want to do work this week- she is leaving anyway.....

((((((MissC)))))))) --

I love your stages of T vacation grief! You should publish it=) I also am in the midst of a T vacation but right now I have the defense of, "I'm glad he's gone, I don't care!" Take care of YOU while T is gone.

My therapist is on vacation and I will not see her until sept 5. I have a letter she wrote to me that is filled with positive things to focus on and she signed it love, T. And I have a photo that she let me take of her. She told me I can leave her voice messages if I need to (she checks messages even while on vacation and will call back if I request but I won't do that because she really needs her time away) and I can write letters also because sometimes writing helps me. It has been a week and I am doing OK. The letter and the photo are working well for me.

Miss C, I think why it will feel like a lie is because my "wash setting" is primed to go to phantasy as soon as I realise someone has gone, and in phantasy I am getting all my empty places filled, and then when I actually see T again, the phantasy goes back to zero and the real relationship has to continue and sometimes within a real relationship versus phantasy there are little pockets where instant gratification desires are not met, because the other person is real and its not just me anymore, where I am completely in control of how my phantasy goes, and haven't got that same amount of control over T or who ever...so its a bit of a pleasure and pain feeling I think. T does give me what I need, but I still need to grow emotionally and work on the instant gratification desires.

So yesterday was my last day with T before her four week vacation and my five week break. So far I'm thinking, Week one: I hate her. Needless to say, I was thinking about you today, MissCharlotte.

Seriously, I'm picking through every tiny thing she said yesterday to find stupid things to be mad at her for and hanging on to those things. I tried to take a nap today but I kept getting mad an had to try to relax again. Grrrr...

Part of me is thinking that maybe I just need this break and it's good for me. But that leaves me stuck with pdoc, which isn't bad, but not the same.

((((((((((((((((((((Tumnus))))))))))))))))))