Has your T ever said ...

I'm almost afraid to ask this, but here goes:

About my 3d or 4th visit, my T said something like "wow, I thought after another 4 or 5 visits you'd be done and on your way" My first thought was sorry, I'm more F'd up than you originally thought, but I didn't say anything.

Has anybody had this experience before and if so, how did you handle it?

For some background, my 9th visit is coming up and I'm seeing T for depression.

Thanks in advance for your responses.

What is your T's orientation? Does your T provide "short term" treatment?
I think this is something very important to talk about in depth: what expectations each of you have as well as why the comment was made, and how the comment makes you feel.

If T provides short term therapy, and you are looking for longer or more in depth therapy, it's good to find out so you can look elsewhere for what you need.

Sounds a bit insensitive,

But perhaps your T has more of a CBT orientation? Generally, CBT is used for short term therapy - changing thought patterns, and then out you go into the "real world" without therapy. Some people find it useful for dealing with minor (uncomplicated) life issues.

Have you ever talked about that comment they made with them?

I'm sure there's a discussion waiting to happen there, which will hopefully be easier for you.

Hmmmm.......it is possible that you seem at first like there really arent too many deeper issues and you came for a certain reason and then when that is resolved you'd be fine. He didnt realize you had deeper issues b/c you present so "together."

Unless, as Echoes and Christina said, he does only short term therapy.

Im saying that b/c that is what happened to me. I came to my t to discuss fasmily stuff with my kids and H. Was going for a short while every other week, then deeper issues and behviors came up and she diagnosed me with bpd and we are doing completely different work. But I was seeing her for 8 mos already when that happened. She said I was functioning so well she didnt realize. Maybe your t doesnt realize, no matter what you have said, that there are deeper issues to get to.

I didnt handle it in any particular way. But since he said that, why not ask him if there are deeper things to get to can you still come to him even it takes a while? That is, if you like him and want to continue with him.

Yeah, that comment sure wouldn't make me feel welcome at therapy. Maybe you need to check-in with your T and see where she feels like your sessions are going and where you think your sessions should be going. It sounds like maybe you two aren't on the same page at this time??? Just a thought.

I know for me, I am always worried that I've been in therapy too long. I worry that my T thinks I'm needy or whatever. I bring it up from time to time because we often start in on a session doing work and we don't really talk about where this is going. My T says there is no right or wrong with length of therapy. She says sometimes people with similar problems take very different lengths of time in therapy and it's fine. It doesn't mean the person who went through faster is better or whatever. If I were you I would just ask your T where she feels your progress is. See where it lines up with your perception of how you're progressing and then go from there. If it doesn't match up, maybe you need to see if there is someone else you can see. Good luck with this. Take your time through therapy no matter what your T says!

((((((((((((((((((( D & F ))))))))))))))))))

Nope. Never. Quite the contrary. In fact, last time I saw T I reminded her that a year ago, she proposed hypnosis to try to clear some of the questions about my early life; and that she had said at the time, "of course you'd have to have a relationship of trust with the hypnotist," and had laughed at the impossibility of that.

When I reminded her of this, she lauged again. I have a feeling she sees me being in T for some time to come.

D&F, this is just my $0.02, but maybe your T is a CBT or some other short term type of T, and you need someone else. Either that or maybe yr T jumped to conclusions before knowing you well enough to say such a thing. sorry

I often feel that t is trying to get rid of me (he's not- we have talked about this at length- one of my many issues!!). He's a CBT and when I initially presented he gave me an estimate of 16 sessions... 40 sessions on and I'm still there, with no end in sight. I dont think he saw me and my issues coming!

He does occassioanlly say "Confused, we are on session 39 and you are *still* worrying about me discharging you", but he appreciates that I have a complex mix of problems (including BPD), and is incredibly patient and understanding but i still feel like every session he wants to get rid of me, despite him telling me that he has no intention of discharging me. People change/get better at different rates- there can't be a set amount of time for everyone.

If you can I would talk to T about how this comment made you feel- sometimes they say things and it comes out wrong- just like us. COuld there have been a misunderstanding in what T was trying to say?

Just the opposite - my T told me in my first session, after I asked, that she thought I'd need more than 20 sessions. In my last session (#17), we discussed this more - my T told me that she thinks it takes about a year to really develop a secure and trusting relationship. That's bad from a financial standpoint, but now that I'm trusting my T more, the prospect of spending at least 8 more months with her is rather appealing.

Don't let your T rush you, Dazed & Confused - I went to a T for depression several years ago, and she cut me off after 9 sessions. I just let it happen, I figured that I was feeling better, and that was that. But in reality, my depression had lifted enough for me to function in a more normal fashion, but we never got into the issues of why I was depressed in the first place.

Nope...I have ALWAYS had the worry that I've been going for too long. If she had said this at any point it would have freaked me out and started the closing process.

Thanks. I might be brave and ask her what she meant.

My therapist has told me from day one that it will be me who makes the decision as to when my therapy is done. She is old school - not into the short term therapy because she deals mainly with abuse and trauma and that can't taken care of in a couple of sessions (although try telling that to an insurance company).

((((((Dazed))))))) -
Yeah, you might have to ask. It takes as long as it takes, no shorter, no longer=) Keep us posted.

Update -

Sorry to revive this ancient thread, but I wanted to give some feedback. You guys were right on! I asked and T said she was trying to remember (because it was a bit ago) and she said she was thinking my comment indicated I wanted to go "deeper" than what she initially thought. I am a reluctant client and also ambivalent at times as to whether I even want to continue, etc. so undoubtedly, I send mixed signals.

Thanks again for the wisdom.

Yes, my first T was kind of like that. Fairly early on, we were talking about number of sessions that would be covered by insurance (I think it was 15), and she said, don't worry, you won't need that many. But I did use more than that, so she did have to revise her estimate. At some point I quit because she was no longer helping me. I think I could have gone to her for 100 sessions and never made the kind of progress I was capable of. She was CBT, and later I took her inaccurate estimate to mean that she really didn't know me well, or the extent of the problems I was dealing with; that I present well, as BlueMoon said; and also that she overestimated her skills as a therapist. Dazed, I think it is good your T is recognizing quite early on that you will probably need more than 10 sessions. Do you think you could talk with him about his comment and how it made you feel?

My t started out asking for 4 sessions at a time and would always say after that, we'd decide if she needed to request further sessions. About 2 years into therapy, she told me that she hadn't realized, when i started seeing her, how deep my issues go. Since then, she's had to get alot more training to help me, and I've been in t for several years now.

My T never mentioned anything about how many sessions I would need or any type of time line. If she had, I would have taken it literally and would have had trouble.I remember being confused after my first few sessions because my T really did immediately whip out her schedule book. I wasn't sure if she wanted or thought it would be good for me to come in again. NOW I see this as her leaving the decison to return totally up to me-- she provided no external influence. Since I had no idea what the authentic me wanted at that point it was really hard. But I think it was important for me to know that I was the one who was in control.

Thanks for your comment. I'm just now figuring out that my T doesn't hate me and might even like me okay. I've always seen her every 2, 3, or 4 weeks based on her suggestions like when would like to come back...2 or 3 wks? Which I always say okay. My last visit I learned that she would like to see me more often, but didn't think I would go for it. I just assumed she didn't want to see me more frequently and I think she was assuming I wouldn't agree to see her more frequently. Something to discuss with her in a couple of weeks! Funny, huh, how easily miscommunication occurs.

theres a possibility that how you presented at that first session didnt really convey the entirety of your suffering *hugs* that said, i i dont think i would actually say that to the client. although, ive had clients say that to me because they didnt fully grasp how things were connected in their lives. i dont know your therapist, but i would hope it wasnt meant in a negative way (not that it matters, since it still hurt your feelings)

as a therapist i really like clients like you! the ones who force me to grow and learn and think outside the box to really truly help them. i dont want to end up like that 70 year old psychiatrist that i know who is still prescribing tricyclics and doesnt believe in communicating with the patient's therapist! thats all he knows and all he cares to know...its like pulling teeth to get him to consider something even moderately new.

Thanks Dr. Muffin. That makes me feel good. I worry about being a giant pain in the butt and feel guilty frequently because i know i take more than the usual effort! My t has told me that she has learned alot from me, and that what she has learned from me has enabled her to help other people better. So i help her help others better. But she still sometimes struggles with how to best help me.

Wow peaches! That must really make you feel good! You have enabled her to grow as a therapist and person. And you challenge her. That isnt a bad thing. Not at all.
(((((Peaches )))))

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm supposed to answer this question, as I have accidentally logged myself out twice in the effort. If third time really IS the charm: If I were seeing someone for depression, I would know from the get-go that 4-5 visits were not going to be enough. If, in fact, you are more ------up than he/she thought, that is T's problem, not yours. T should do an assessment on day one, to learn just how depressed you are and should have some idea as to how much therapy you will need. I would not worry about it, but by the same token, I would not be afraid to ask just what T meant by the statement. In the meantime, if you would care to ventilate, I am here, for what that is worth. I know about depression from inside and out, but I still don't have a lot of answers. What I do have is time! billieJ