comfortable with your T?

(((((((((((sitting)))))))))))))))
Well, I don't know for sure of course, but just going by what you wrote about her reactions here, and to me, I had a different impression entirely. I understand why you think it wouldn't help to ask her what she was thinking b/c she would just deny it...but I will say many of my most difficult times in therapy have come from misunderstandings, from me thinking my T was thinking one thing and her saying she wasn't. The only way we've resolved them has been to address what I'm thinking she's thinking. For me, and it seems for a lot of others who have posted in this thread, confronting misunderstandings and working through them has ultimately led to increasing the relationship and comfort level and, I think, been therapeutic. Of course, you have to choose when you're ready to do this, because confronting some of the expectations you have about what someone else thinks about you can be really really challenging in the moment, but it may pay off in the end. Good luck, sitting.

I completely agree with this - I wouldn't be where I am already if I hadn't worked through misunderstandings with my T. And at last week's session, T told me how important it is for us to keep working through those misunderstandings (that's even the word she used!).

I have told T a few things that have brought up a reaction in her. I think sometimes, she was empathizing - like clucking her tongue when I was griping about something my mother had said that made me feel awful. One time, I told her of a violent childhood memory, and I caught a flash of a horrified look on her face - that kinda threw me, because I didn't think the memory was that bad, but apparently she did if she had that kind of reaction. And then another time, I was extremely low and told her of some sui thoughts I'd had - we were doing EMDR, so we continued with it, but I heard her inhale sharply. So I think T's are human, and they will definitely react to what we tell them.

SAWE, I hope you can bring up with your T her reactions, especially if they are negatively affecting you.

It's seems that even though most of you that have replied have felt comfortable with their T's early on that it still can be difficult to share feelings and thoughts with them. To know that in the future, if I'm struggling, that it's okay to feel that way. It's normal. Knowing how I am, I'm sure that I would read wayyyy to much into it. Thinking oh, if I can't talk to him about it, then something is wrong.

So thank you everyone for putting my mind at ease. This forum has been truely wonderful. Thank you for being so open. It's been helpful.

I think this is a great point that I personally need to remember more often. When I feel uncomfortable or unable to discuss something with my T, I immediately think "SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME!" In reality...often the fact that I am uncomfortable talking about something indicates that NOTHING is wrong with me. "Normal" people would have trouble saying or talking about some of the stuff I've talked about...because they shouldn't have happened, I shouldn't have had those childhood experiences. IDK..I for one need to stop attacking myself for struggling with therapy.

OMG. This just hit me right between the eyes when I read it. It took my breath away. This has never ever ever occurred to me before, and it makes so much sense.

wow.

I never feel unsafe with my T. Trust comes on many levels, so I guess it depends on what you mean when you say "safe" or "trust". I would say it depends on my level of comfort. If I don't feel comfortable with a subject, I go at my own pace. Some topics I've only touched on, and others I've never breached at all. When I feel comfortable or like taking what I consider an emotional risk, I'll open up about a subject.

I've been with my T now for... 3 years in November. I have to say I think there is a difference in LIKING someone, and trusting them to help you and give you advice with your painful emotions. I would have to say that in my opinion, it appears that a person would have to LIKE their therapist and find common ground with them in order to trust them with deeper and deeper layers of your inner self. I don't think it's like a light switch really. I think the mistake a lot of people make is that they don't get a chance to know if they LIKE their therapist, as a lot of mental health professionals ask very sensitive and pointed questions. Some even do it on the first visit without bothering to be sensitive (or unknowingly aren't sensitive enough). The comfort level and the trust with the T on the subject/problem is extremely important, and it doesn't mean you aren't a good match or that you are somehow "failing" therapy if you can't open up on it quite yet.

I always liked my T, right from the beginning, even though I was and still tend to be a bit guarded with revealing information. I've observed that my T has a constant modus operandi that appears to be that he always checks himself to make sure that he isn't bringing in his stress and discomfort (over either what I am saying or even something he brought with him from home) to ensure that he isn't allowing that to interfere with quality therapy. In my experience (and I've had terrible ones with various mental health professionals), I REALLY got lucky with my T. I have to say though that if I didn't take that leap of faith and touch on the bare minimum of what was disturbing me and what brought me there on day one, then I might have never known that he was really quite sensitive and good at his job.

I have had some "ah-ha!" moments though, I guess mini-breakthroughs of a sort, where I felt super comfortable and in sync with my T. Once, earlier in our therapy relationship, it was over a college soccer match that we had unknowingly both watched just before session. It turns out that he liked soccer too, and had watched the same game. It was awesome because we talked about how exciting the game was, and I saw him as a human with a full range of emotions. It was sorta like bonding through similar experiences, thoughts, and feelings.

Maybe your T likes soccer . Nothing ventured, nothing gained, but don't be hard on yourself if you feel as though you are doing badly because you don't open up on demand. Trust and comfort takes time.

thanks!! I really needed to hear this Simcha.