Am I being too picky?

I've realized something about myself. I prefer male therapists. I also prefer PhD's.

My preference for men is not erotic or sexual. Not at all. My best guess is that I am more reassured by the thought of a man caring for me than a woman. It's more protective and paternal... stronger, like a thick blanket, if that makes any sense. The only reason I can think of for this is that my dad left the family about 10 years ago when I was sixteen... so maybe I'm craving a fatherly figure. I dunno.

As per the degree, I have only ever worked with PhD's in the past, and my landlord is actually a PhD psychologist, who does not have the greatest trust in social workers... So, I would prefer to see a PhD.

However, my psychiatrist just referred me to a female LCSW, who I met this afternoon. She seems nice enough, but given what I've just told you, she isn't who I would have picked, and I have some reservations about it.

What should I do? I'm tempted to bring it up with the psychiatrist who gave me the referral, but at the same time, I'm embarrassed about being so picky, especially over something like gender. Should I bring it up because it does matter to me and I don't want any extra barriers in the therapeutic relationship, or do I need to swallow my pride, open my mind, and take this as a learning experience?

This is silly... and yet, it really isn't.

Has anyone else dealt with this issue? What did you do?

Medicated, is there some reason why you need to do therapy with the person the pdoc suggested? If you decided to go see a different person from the person your pdoc recommended, are you worried pdoc would not like it? You could get recommendations from other people too, as well as additional (male) names from pdoc.

I don't think you're being too picky, I just think you haven't investigated what's out there yet. You've had an initial interview with the female CBT counselor. Perhaps interview a couple of others and choose the one who is the best fit.

As for PhD vs. MSW, I would suggest visiting the therapist if they sound good in other ways, despite the degree they have, and just see how they are in person. I think sometimes the personal connection is more important than the degree. Can you work with this person? Do you connect? Also, there are more choices than PhD and MSW. (My T, for example, has an MA in Psychology.)

personally, i wouldn't get too hung up on degrees. i think a lot more goes into being a good therapist than one's degree as sunny is saying. i've had Ts that had phds who were pretty lousy and Ts that were very good social workers.

I was looking round here about how to pick a therapist and the length of time they had been practising was more relevant than their degree - http://psychcentral.com/therapst.htm

But you should certainly go with your instinct about what you would prefer. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Hi medicated,

I think you should have a therapist you feel safe and comfortable with -- whether it's gender or credentials you desire. Personally, I think I would do better with a male therapist as well and I have been in T with both. My T now is a male and I have made much more progress with him than with my prior T, who was a female. However, T is an LCSW and MSW with tons and tons of training. So to me, I dont' think you can tell by the degree. However, you should feel comfortable!!!! (And I do not think it's picky.

Best of luck to you.

Thanks everyone. I re-read my post now, and I still feel like such a whiner. I think you're all right, though... I should try to not worry so much about the degree.

Sunrise - yes, I'm afraid that if I wanted to see someone else, the psychiatrist wouldn't like it... not necessarily because he referred me to this particular person so much as that he wants to see me committing to something and making progress. If I choose to try a couple other people, it will just delay things even more, and I don't see that going over too well with him. Even though I had his approval, I did just drop out of DBT after only four weeks, so I don't want to create a pattern or image of being noncommittal and flaky. But still, I will try to bring this issue up when I see him on Thursday.

Also, I have this complex - The CBT therapist didn't do anything to make me want to leave, and I know that she's putting in time to work out the insurance, talk to the psychiatrist, and get my discharge summary from the hospital, so I'd feel really guilty suddenly walking out for no good reason, thus making her time and efforts totally wasted. It seems rude to me... so I feel somewhat obligated to stay. For whatever reason, it's like I can't leave unless I'm sure she's okay with it and has no hard feelings.

I feel trapped. Part of me says to give her a solid chance, and part of me says to pull out and find a male therapist before I get in too deep. Whatever I do, I feel like I'm letting someone down.

((Medicated))

Is it possible that pdoc suggested this person in part because she *is* female?

When I first started therapy, I absolutely wanted a male T. I was not at all comfortable with the idea of a female T. So, I don't blame you for feeling that way, or think there is anything wrong with feeling that way.

How you feel about the person (therapist) is the most important factor, but the gender does play a large role because it IS a big deal in our society and how we were raised. For me, I knew it was because of issues and mistrust of my mother. There were several experiences in my life that made trusting women difficult. So, having a male T, I think, made it easier for me to initially establish trust. And we have worked on my trust issues and my relationships with women have been transformed.

Whatever you decide to do, exploring this issue is a really positive step. It is not being picky or whiney, it is speaking up about how you feel and that is a very good thing!

you didnt sound like a whiner to me . i think things work differently in australia - to be a clinical psychologist you need a Masters. and then PhDs are kind of an optional extra - probably get to charge more because you're a "doctor".

i am very particular that the person i see in a clinical psychologist. not a counselling psychologist, not a social worker, not a counsellor. but it's got a lot to do with how things are regulated in australia - you're really only guaranteed a certain amount of training if you see a clinical psych.

re: the guy thing. i'm like that too. i've been to women therapists in the past, but i've found it really difficult to connect (because of my own issues). it's got to the point that i dont want to see a female therapist, and that's ok. however, i also understand that there's a good opportunity to correct my perceptions if i did engage with a female therapist. but that would be a lot of hard work, and i dont have that type of money .

i see a female GP now. she's pretty cool. and given that i'm female too it's also nice sometimes to just have someone who has had the same experiences.

if you can kind of see yourself working with this female T, then maybe it's worth a try? you could always bring up your hesitancy in the first session - so she would understand if you chose to stop later on. and also it could be a good thing to talk about.

on the other hand, i have this gut reaction "NO!" type feeling whenever my pdoc has suggested a female therapist in the past. i've never told him that, just make up other reasons, but i reckon if you're kind of on that end of the spectrum then there's no real point forcing yourself, yknow?

The psychiatrist does not know that I feel this way. I think he would have been willing to refer me to a male, if I had made him aware... but I'm a bit embarrassed by it. I'm kinda weird, I guess. I actually have trust issues with/fear of men. I can't talk to them without a large degree of anxiety EXCEPT for in therapy, where it's okay. Perhaps I'm heaping all the trust I have left into whatever poor, unsuspecting guy ends up with me as a client (historically).

I agree that it is an issue worth exploring... I just can't decide if I want to explore it with a female or a male therapist, and I don't know that I want this to be the first issue on the table... there are probably other things that should be addressed first. I think for now, it would probably be best to see the woman again, tell her that I feel this way, and ask what she would recommend. I'm sure she can understand issues like this.

Deliquesce - I think the training differences are similar here. Clinical psychs are in school considerably longer, and I don't think the Master's level social workers, etc. are required to take the same certification exams. I might be wrong, but that's my understanding... that PhDs are more educated and better qualified.

I totally understand the preference for a male therapist. I'm like that too. The degree thing doesn't really bother me much. I've seen a LPC (licensed practical counselor); a PC (pastoral counselor); and currently a PhD (psychologist). They were all good. I've also tried a few others that I didn't like (mostly female).

You've been bouncing around the psych system for a couple of months though, so it might be good to sit still for awhile. Give it a few sessions and see how it goes. You can always change later.

First of all, please do NOT feel like you are a whiner!!

Secondly, I too absolutely prefer a male T instead of a female T. Yet, I find myself having difficulty in addressing some really important issues (mostly relating to CSA, intimacy, etc.)...and wonder if it's because he's a male T and not female. And did I subconsciously prefer a male T so that I wouldn't address the CSA? Hmm. Something to ponder!

Anyway, you are not alone!

Hey,

I prefer male therapists also. In fact, I won't see a female therapist. And I also don't think it's an erotic attachment. I'm pretty sure it's because my mom was somewhat overbearing -- I feel like I'm safer trying to connect with a male (yeah, I tend to cast the therapist in a parental role). I stated flat-out that I would ONLY see a male therapist when I asked for a recommendation. :-) That's just what works for me. If it's what works for you, I see nothing wrong with that.

I'm not sure so much on the therapist credentials. My therapist has a PhD, but I picked him based on a recommendation from a friend. I would have tried him regardless of what type of degree he had. I think the connection is what's important. You'll probably know fairly soon if the fit isn't right, and it'll be what's between you and the therapist rather than anything to do with their degree. Or at least I strongly suspect so.

Sidony