cant trust pdoc

I want old T back.

I cant trust pdoc, she lies to me.

I want to get better, but how can I? I CAN'T trust her.

Why can't you trust your pdoc? Can you explain?

Crystalrose,

I know you are really missing your old t, and it hurts. I really feel for you. What did your pdoc lie about?

((Crystal
Did Pdoc say anything to you that might have led to these feelings? What do you think Pdoc lied about?

I can't trust pdoc because she lied to me. It was a new medication and i said i wanted to start at a low dose, it is tegretol and she wanted to start me on 400mg she said it was a low dose. But it was the highest dose it comes in. I am trying to find the right meds at the moment. I have just started talking to pdoc about some personal things and i think this makes me more sensitive to things that she says or does cos the meds thing is not really a huge thing when it comes to trust. I'm super sensitive to things that screw trust up. Do you all think that i'm making a big deal out of it. Idk. Tell me what u think.

I think you should point blank say to her exactly what you just said here. That may be a low dose in her eyes depending on how many of those pills she has others take at one time.

I am on tegretol. 400mg is a low dose, probably not even therapeudic. Just because it is the highest dose the pill comes in does not mean it is a high dose for the med. I take 800mg to be at a therapeudic dose. 400 IS a low dose. She is NOT lying to you. She will probably have blood work done at some point to see if you are even within the therapeudic range. There is a blood range they look for. Again, she is NOT lying to you.

like farmergirl said, depends on what a low dose is for *you*. pdoc started me on 125mg of lithium last year and it made my blood work come back as toxic, whereas i know many people go on 10x that amount.

talk to your pdoc about this. she's the only one who can explain what her reasons are for putting you on the dose she started off with.

I didn't take the new meds. I didn't want to because i was angry and scared. I'v actually messed a bit with the meds by accident and am getting tiny tremors. I think that if someone says a low dose it would be one of the first doses. But thats just me. I am very sensitive when it comes to trust. Anyway do you think its an issue that i should be worried about?

No, I really don't think you need to worry about this. 400mg is a pretty typical starting dose. She may need to raise it based on your bloodwork down the road. With mood stabilizers, finding a therapeudic dose is a very individual thing. You are going to have to let the doctor do the doctor thing. Someone else was saying how they how on lithium, they were toxic at 125mg (very unusual). My dose of lithium was 900mg. My husband's dose of lithium is 1200mg. It's all based on bloodwork. If the 400mg does really give you problems, call your pdoc and let her know, she can adjust the dose as needed.

I'm not taking the new meds now and I'm not going to take the new meds in the future.

I can't trust her.

I'm not going to turn into some conformer who idolises pdocs every desicion and I'm not going to let her turn me into a zombie so that I dont care what meds I'm on.

Some people are on that many meds, and that makes the true essence of who they are vanish.

I'm not gonna let that happen to me cos I can't deal with that and its not my destiny.

Are you going to see a different doctor for meds or are you stopping meds altogether?

well, that's your choice, crystal. no one is going to stop you. but it sounds as if you are struggling a lot and i wonder if that is your destiny instead?

((((( crystal )))) you do have to do what is best for your own healing.

I'm still seeing Pdoc
I'm still on the mood stabilisers and anti depressants, I am just not happy about taking the new meds so I'm going to need to be reassured by pdoc before I take them,


I dont know what you mean by this Deli, but its not sounding very supportive to me, I don't know if thats your intention, but it feels like a curse..

sorry, poppet, my wording kind of sucks at the moment. too tired to know if it's coming out properly. i meant more like...
1) it sounds like you are struggling at the moment (hence the reason for looking at more meds).
2) you have decided to not take more meds.
3) ergo, you will continue to struggle - unless you have another alternative you would like to pursue.

you just said something about it not being your destiny to be on meds, so i was wondering if that meant not being on meds(and being happy) or not being on meds(and continuing to struggle because you'd prefer to struggle than be on meds).

for what it's worth, i've been on up to 6 different meds at one point, and that was what was required for me to keep functioning. i've already mentioned how i got toxic on a tiny dose of lithium, but the 6-drug-cocktail didn't turn me into a zombie at all. in fact, it was the first time i even passed uni subjects and started getting prizes (after 2 years of straight fails).

maybe i should just stick to sending safe hugs at the moment, my brain really is frazzled and i don't want to unintentionally hurt anyone. i'm sorry i was a poo-brain.

ok i get it now.
Thanks for explaining.
I'm just afraid of being zombied by meds, and I don't trust pdoc enough.
I would be on the same amount of meds because pdoc was changing the mood stabiliser one.

IDK I am just so crap at trusting people.
don't know why. .

I think if I can get reassurance from pdoc and discuss it a bit more I could consider doing what she thinks will help me.

I don't want to be struggling or not compliant with meds, but I think that I need to have my anxiety about things reduced so that I can feel well.

any way I see pdoc in about 16 hours so I can talk to her then.

you are not a poo brain I'm just super sensitive at the moment and thought you were attacking me..

Crystalrose, I've been taking several meds for several years. I haven't turned into a zombie. I haven't lost the essence of who I am. If anything, I'm back to being who I really am because those crazy bipolar symptoms are under control. I'm not a conformer. I just value my mental health. It is SO much better to have some control over the depression. It doesn't solve everything, but it does make the path a bit clearer.

Thanks farmer and deli i'm feeling a lot more reassured now. I think if pdoc tells me the same things it will really help me and i probably will think about giving the tablets a try. I don't trust pdoc but i know she doesn't want to make things harder for me.

I know being on meds is no fun. I know it feels like you are giving up control to the meds. I think this is particularly an issue for people with our diagnosis because it often takes a combination of meds to work, and often it takes trial and error to find that right combination. I also know the med she is putting you on. I take it myself. Personally I haven't had any problems with it. That doesn't mean you won't. We're all different, but hopefully it will also work for you. You won't know until you try.

Maybe knowing that your pdoc doesn't want to make things harder for you is a kind of trust. She's trying to help you, not hurt you. You seem to know that. Remember, you can call her up if you are having problems with a med. Meds can be adjusted or something else can be tried. Your communication with her is your control.

oh yeah - i just wanted to throw in - if it doesn't work for you, you can always stop it again!!! this is not a "forever" decision you're making, crystal.

Ok. Its sorted out now. Pdoc said that she prefers to work with people with the least amount of medication possible. She said she wouldn't be doing her job if she didn't prescribe what she thought would help. She said she sorry she didn't discuss it more so i understood. She said that 400mg is a therapeutic dose but its actually a low dose compared to other doses of the same drug. Pdoc promised that she wasn't trying to zombify me. Which is a comfort to know that my well being is looked after. So as always crystal is overreacting. and i think i do actually trust pdoc but its a different kind of trust and its a process.

Oh I'm glad you feel better about this.