[rainbow8]

My other thread is heading off the board so I'll start this one.

I did it! I am SO proud of myself. I made the appointment yesterday with the EMDR specialist but after looking at her photo and thinking about her voice, I got this awful, sinking feeling. I may be totally wrong about her, but I had such a strong feeling of distaste and fear,and a feeling that I wanted to run far away from her. That is an unusual reaction for me.

I only saw the T who does IFS once, but I already feel close to her. I've called her twice and she's emailed me twice. She told me to go with my gut feeling of which T to see. So, I called her again and told her I feel safe with her and that I want to try it out with her first. I have an appointment next week! I don't feel scared to be with her. Well, maybe a little, but I am so relieved I am not going to waste an appointment with the other T. She sounds experienced, but I don't she's what I want in a T right now. Something seems weird about her....

So, I can't believe I'm going to see a new T! I'm not sure I'm going to like IFS therapy, but I know the child part of me will have a safe place to be, and that's what I want right now. This T was interested in my writing and artwork, genuinely interested. I like her office; it's my style of comfort. She told me if it doesn't work out after a few sessions, I can stop. She's reassuring me on all levels. I need to ask her if it's okay to talk about anything. I'm sure it is, but I like it when a T tells me that in her words. I already told her a lot about my issues, even the hard stuff. I do that easily in the beginning, when the T is still a stranger. I'm sure it won't be so easy when we really get into the nitty-gritty.

Thanks again for everyone's advice to me.

Congrats! Trust your gut.

I wish I had and I would not have seen those T's I saw that were horrible. Sometimes those inner voices are the best judge.

I hope it works out. I want to say more about IFS, but I will wait.

Good luck!

((((((((rainbow)))))))) you have done such a great job thru all this! i totally get your discomfort with the emdr T. the T you picked sounds so caring. yes, you'll have to tell us more about the IFS once you try it. when i finally get the courage up to go back to my T i'm going to tell her i'd like to do more of the inner child work. it really was some of the most helpful sessions i had. congrats rainbow!

[Fartraveler]

Good for you!! That's so great! It really sounds like you made a good choice, and that this will totally work for you!

-Far

[peaches100]

It sounds like you've made a reasonable choice. I'll be curious to know how things progress.

[rainbow8]

Thanks for the replies. I wish Tuesday were here already! I'm anxious to get started, but a little scared too. I rambled on about all my hardest issues in the first session, but it was easy because I didn't know the T yet. Now it will be harder. I'm reading about IFS but I don't know if the T follows any kind of plan, or just lets me talk. She's eclectic too, she's not going to force me to use the IFS model. Her specialties are trauma and PTSD, and grief. Is it normal to think a lot about how therapy is going to work with a new T?

[chaotic13]

Raindow, sounds like you made a good choice. Try to stay on the positive swing of things...Don't let doubts seep back in. When I started therapy I kept having doubts about my T and the whole process. I started keeping a list of the little things I liked about my T, things she did that reinforced my belief that I was working with the right person and that she cared. I would look at this list when when the noise in my head started to distort things.

[writingwithink]

I'm glad you found someone to work with.

I'd like to just say something about the "gut" reaction. When I was interviewing Ts, there was a conflict inside because a lot wanted to go to one and maybe two wanted to go to my current T. "My" gut told me that the T I'm seeing now would be a hard *** and not good to work with. In fact, one T I interviewed over the phone said to listen to the "gut." But I'm so glad I didn't. She's been very good and I trust her expertise completely, so much so that I've ceased all reading about dissociation. It's been such a relief, and had the decision been made based on the "gut," I think it would have been a disaster with the other T.

Here's to your new T! Thanks for letting me rant.

[Brightheart]

I hope everything goes well for you, Rainbow, with your new therapist.

[peaches100]

Hi Rainbow,

Yes, I think it's normal to wonder how your therapy is going to go with this new t. One thing i would caution you about though, based on my experience: I'm sort of a control freak, in the sense that i want/need to know ahead of time what's going to happen in therapy/life and then prepare myself for it. It helps me feel safe and in control of what's happening to me. The problem with that is (1) it's not possible to control everything and (2) I spent so much time reading about therapy and trying to be prepared for it that i could not really just let go and allow the therapy process to unfold on it's own. Does that make sense?

In the attempt to know the process and have the answers about what therapy was like, i wasn't able to just "do it." I was trying to be intellectually prepared, but it prevented me from being able to go in to the therapy room with a fresh open mind and just experience the therapy sessions as they were.

So while it's normal and fine to think about what your therapy will be like with this new t, try not to plan/control/expect things to be a certain way to the point where you can't relax and allow things to unfold on their own. I've stopped alot of my reading, planning, analyzing my therapy now and am trying to experience my sessions more in-the-moment. It feels less "safe" to me, but it also enables me to be more spontaneous and real in my sessions.