I went to bed early and had a bad dream so I got out of bed and got on the computer for a minute and found this e-mail from T:

Hey (Tree) - I've gotten your messages and email over the weekend, and hope that Saturday and Sunday went well. I had a little accident this evening, I'm okay, and have just returned from the ER. I was prescribed some pretty heavy duty pain medication and was told to take it easy for at least a day. So, unfortunately, I'll have to cancel for tomorrow. We'll connect on Tuesday to see if there are any other options for this week. Again, I'd just like to emphasize that I'm okay and I'll connect up with you as soon as I can.

OH my gosh! I know that he is okay, but it feels scary Maybe my younger parts are scared. Actually, I don't even think T typed that - his e-mails are full of crazy typos and misspellings - I bet his wife typed it. I wish we didn't have such a big old e-mail relationship going, because then he would have to have called me. I want to HEAR HIM and see if he is really okay.

I don't mind that my appointment is cancelled, and I know T said he is okay, but the whole thing just makes me feels scared. Ugh.

[sw628]

Oh, i'm sorry Tree What a scary thing to happen on such short notice. Do you think you can email T and ask if you can give him a ring? Just to connect with him and see if he is alright?
Many hugs and prayers for your T

[BlueMoon6]

That IS scary! And that his wife typed it. Well, he could be very groggy from pain meds and couldnt type. I really do hope he is OK and Im sure he will connect with you on tues and you can hear his voice.

Maybe leave him a feel better phone message? Then maybe he will be more likely to call?

Anyway, Im sure he is OK, or at least will be more OK by tuesday. I can imagine how scary and unnerving a meesage like that would be. OMG!

A million hugs to you and a speedy recovery to T

((((((((((tree)))))))))) ohhh, i'm sorry to hear T had an accident, but i'm very glad to hear he is ok even if a bit banged up. he'll be ok tree. hope you can reschedule asap.

[googley]

(((((Tree))))))
I'm so sorry this happens. I'm sure your T is going to be okay. I had a similar thing happen once. I was on my way to T and checked my phone to see what time it was when I got there because she wasn't there yet and I got a voicemail from her telling me she had been in an accident on the way there. She didn't sound okay when she called (or sounded like she was trying to sound okay but was not achieving it.) Then she called me that night to let me know that she was okay (to my relief). He probably just needs to sleep tomorrow. I know those paid drugs just knock me out. Take care of yourself.

[rainbow8]

(((((tree))))),

I'm sorry your T had an accident. When people we care about (Ts or family or friends) get into an accident, it makes us (well, I'll speak for myself, not anyone else) remember that nothing is permanent. It puts things into perspective, and is scary. Sometimes I can get depressed with all the "what ifs" so it is better not to go there at all. Each day we wake up and are healthy is a miracle and we should cherish it.

I know that has nothing to do with your T. I hope you will be able to speak to him and reschedule for this week. He (or his wife) said he's okay so you have to trust that. He just needs the 1 day of rest and he'll be fine!

[sunrise]

I'm sorry treehouse--I hope he feels better soon. I know it is hard not to worry. I hope on Tueday you will get to hear his voice. ((((treehouse))))

[zooropa]

(((tree))) that would definitely freak me out, too! I called my T once last summer when I was having a crisis and she said that she could talk but she wanted to let me know that she was at the urgent care waiting for a doctor so she might have to get off the phone. I felt pretty scared, even though she said she was fine. It made me realize that part of me wants my T to be strong and not a mere mortal at all, lol!

I imagine this is how young children feel about their parents.

Anyway, I'm sure your T really is fine and I hope you are able to get to see and/or talk to him this week so you can know that for yourself.

i hope your T is ok and that you get to talk to him.

its pretty neat that you knew that your T did not type the email because of the spelling problems and typos.. sort-of funny

just think of this, if it was real serious, they would not have released him from the hospital and he probably has (a) pain from the accident, (b) stress from being in the ER, and (c) confusion from the meds. he probably needs sleep

hang in there.

I hate that he is hurt. And it makes him seem so VULNERABLE, you know?

I used to worry when I wouldn't hear back from him over a weekend or whatever that something had happened to him. I finally let that go, and then something happened to him! I guess the good thing is that he told me right away, so I know if something happens to him, I'll hear about it. I've always wondered about that.

I am just going to lay low and wait for him to call me, hopefully on Tuesday. I sent him a really short "wow, that is so scary, hope you feel better" e-mail so he would know that I got his e-mail about canceling, but I don't want him to feel like he has to take care of me or deal with my needs while he is hurt. He knows me really well and I know he knows I am freaking out...hopefully, he will call on Tues. I think he will.

I smiled a little when I came back to this thread and read that he said he had a "little" accident. I can so see him re-reading what he wrote before he sent the e-mail and adding the "little" so I would freak out less. It didn't work though. Ack.

I REALLY wish I was on the phone call list instead of the e-mail list. I want him to be okay.

I'm going back to bed in a minute, but I'm kind of spiraly.

I went away this weekend for the first time - I've never been away from my kids and my H before. I think because no one kept me safe when I was little, keeping my kids safe is a HUGE DEAL to me. I try to give them freedom, but I ALWAYS have an eye on them, even if it's from afar. I mean, I homeschool (for other reasons than the safety, but it helps), so we are always together. It's terrifying for me to leave them for any reason, so it was a huge, giant deal that I did this this weekend. I LEFT TOWN! I was able to go and have fun and not worry and it felt (feels) like a really big turning point for me.

T getting hurt is like a snap back to reality. Like...see? No one is safe! Ugh, it feels so discouraging and scary.

I want T to be okay. I feel sad and scared.

I am so sorry. I know I keep replying to my own thread. I am having a hard time, and I know everyone probably thinks it's stupid (because it is) but I need to talk to someone and it can't be T, you know??

I dreamt about T all night. I had one dream that he was working at home chiseling cement and he cut of his toes In that dream, I thought he had just sprained his ankle and when I found out what had happened I was so sad. In another dream, his leg was gone below his knee I also dreamt that I talked to him on the phone and he said he had mainly just scratched up his face a lot. I think not knowing is scary to me. In two years and three months he has NEVER canceled an appointment for being sick or whatever, so this feels like it must be a big deal. Ugh.

I will probably bake him a loaf of bread today. It will be okay with him, and it will give me something to do that helps me feel connected to him.

This is one of those times that the boundaries suck. I am grateful for them, and the fact that T self-discloses while keeping all of the support going from HIM to ME is huge and good. But right now, I wish we were just two normal people and I could call him to ask "what happened?!" and to see if I can help in some way. BLAH.

[Luce]

maybe part of the scary feelings are because it is your support system (T) that is injured. Maybe that calls up abandonment fears, and the need to DO something to head of that threatened abandonment.

but you don't need to do anything. T is fine! he had a small accident and just needs to recuperate a little. no need to catastrophize anything, and no need for you to DO anything to prevent anything worse from happening. trust him to take care of himself. He is doing exactly what he needs to do (let you know he needs a break for a day or two to get better).

I can almost see you head spinning round thinking of everything! Calm those abandonment fears - T is fine, T is fine. he probably broke a foot or something and needs to elevate it for a day or two. my T did that once!

[mixedup_emotions]

I know it's so so so hard to keep from spiraling when something happens to T - the timing of it too, after your weekend away!

Please keep busy today...and hopefully when you talk to T, those feelings will dissipate....

[TayQuincy]

Don't assume his wife typed the email. If he is on some high powered pain meds, he could very well make a lot of typing mistakes.

I would think that it would be a breach of confidentiality if his wife is typing emails to you.

[Xtree]

((((((((((tree)))))))))) That is scary! I am sure he is alright and Will see you as soon as he can. I do not think he wife typed, I do not think he would break his confidentiality.

I hope you feel better too!

Xtree

Originally Posted by TayQuincy

I would think that it would be a breach of confidentiality if his wife is typing emails to you.

I don't think it would be if my name isn't on there anywhere.

Looking back at it, there is something quirky about it that he does that makes me think he typed it anyhow. Although if anything, the pain meds improved his typing and spelling. Go figure.

Originally Posted by Luce

maybe part of the scary feelings are because it is your support system (T) that is injured. Maybe that calls up abandonment fears, and the need to DO something to head of that threatened abandonment.

I think it is the realization that T is vulnerable that is so scary. I'm not sure if that ties into abandonment. It does feel like a very young fear. The reasonable, grown up part of me is saying "T will be fine, he has a big support system, it's a bummer that he is hurt, but he will be okay". The younger parts of me just feel sad and scared. They just need to hear his voice...but there is obviously no way we would call him today. So, we'll wait. And maybe knit.

Luckily there is a lot going on in my house today.

I don't know WHAT all of this is about. I hate it when the littlest thing throws me like this.

tree, baking a loaf of bread for T is so sweet. i bet he'll love it.

just know that he can't be too badly off if he is at home. if something serious had happened he would be staying in the hospital, but he's not so he is ok. as for you going away and enjoying yourself i think that is wonderful. whether you had stayed home or gone away T's accident still would have happened. it's ok to go away and have some fun. it's not all on you sweet tree.

[WePow]

Tree - first big safe hugs for you! It is hard enough when an apt is cancled... but then because of T being in an accident is not good at all!

You said "I hate it when the littlest thing throws me like this." (((tree))) please do not be hard on yourself. This is NOT a little thing. It really hit you in the heart. You have healthy attachment to T and what you are feeling is very normal. It would be scary for sure!!

I hope T calls you up Tue too. If not, send him an email asking him to call you because you need to hear his voice even if just for a brief min or two. :-)

(((( tree ))))

[zooropa]

oh tree, it's not stupid, not at all.

I think it's great that you have the awareness to know that it's affecting your "littlest parts". And I know I'd react in much the same way. Even though it doesn't make sense to our reasonable minds, we want our Ts to be invincible and always there for us. I know for ME, things like this have been an opportunity for me to experience T as human, and for her to show me that she will still be there for me.

If my spiraly insanity is bothering you, please don't read any further! Seriously!

If anyone is still reading at this point....

My bf friend sees a T in the same small office as my T. She told me that she went in and asked today "what happened to (tree's T)"? I can't believe she asked that! Anyhow, the other T had no idea and hadn't heard anything about it. Somehow that made me feel better.

I think I am feeling better now. It was just the initial SHOCK of getting that e-mail from him. That was seriously scary SO deep down.

I hope I can talk to him on the phone tomorrow.

[googley]

((((((((Tree))))))))
I'm still reading. I hope everything is okay and T calls you tomorrow.

[MissCharlotte]

Ugh. What a scary email. But trust that T meant what he said, and that he is okay. He wouldn't lie!

[BlueMoon6]

oh, ((((Tree))))) I hope you hear from him early tomorrow. Im just catching up here and want to give you a big hug for posting and talking about everything you are feeling. Just knowing T is as vulnerable to accidents and hurt the same as us mortals is SO scary. I guess its the same as how a small child must believe her parents are the strength she can hold onto. If not, then where does that leave her? Alone and unsafe? How scary

Anyway, it is a good sign that he isnt too hurt if the other T didnt know anything about it. That does sound like a relief.

I hope you sleep better tonight and without these very frightening T dreams
Hugs and love to you