Never Enough

Why won't it ever be enough? T gives me what i need and it's OK for a little while. Then i go back to feeling the emptiness and longing. Even when T fills me up, i can't enjoy the happy and sometimes full feeling. It's like the heartache and happiness coexist and i can't be either/or. T can't give me what i need without the sadness surrounding what i never got rising in the pit of my stomach.

yes it feels like what we need is always just out of reach. Takes different lenghts of time for different people to heal that wound, but its positive that you are able to hold to her for even a little time, that gets longer eventually.

I have been struggling with feelings of emptiness lately, too, sw. The title of your thread brought me up short because it's what I wrote in my journal yesterday...that this life, it's not enough. It's not enough. Never enough.

I don't know what the answer is, unless it's just to keep trying and having hope, but I do know that you are not alone in how you feel.

Thanks Melba and Zooropa I'll be able to sleep a little better tonight knowing i'm not alone in this

I hope so, sw. I hope it does help. You are not alone. I hope for all of us that we can fill that emptiness inside some day. Sleep well.

I am curious if those that are married, have kids or who doesn't live a pretty isolated life feel that emptiness?

I ask because I am married. He's wonderful to me. I have a teenaged son who, well, he's a teenager. Even in a house full of people I will feel empty or alone. I am pretty isolated. (Don't have friends, work alone so no "work friends either" and no hobbies really) I just wonder at times if these feelings I have will ever change.

At times I almost feel like I am paying my T to be my "friend". Someone who will just sit and chat with me. I look forward to that part. Until we start working on 'issues' during the session. Seriously, I don't chat with anyone on the phone. I don't have that girlfriend to just call up and talk about nothing. It sucks. I never imagined myself in this place. I hate it.

How can I feel more enthusiastic about life in general? And how do you bring people into your life, become friends when it's so hard to be upbeat. To actually be interesting or enjoyable to be around???

((((((((((((polarsmom)))))))))))))

I have a very full life, and I am still stuck by that emptiness. It feels like a very OLD emptiness...and T is the only one who can even begin to fill it up right now.

You asked how you can feel more enthusiastic about life in general? For me, it was learning to be brave enough to be ME, not the person that I thought other people wanted me to be. So....I homeschool, I am in a rock band, I am a knitter. All three of those things have brought like-minded people into my life. When my oldest was 5 and started kindergarten, I could tell when I visited his school that I would never really fit in there. When I accepted the fact that the school wasn't working for him either and brought him home, things started to change for me. One thing led to another, and I began to discover who I really am. If I kept being the person other people wanted me to be, I think the big empty space inside would be much much bigger than the T-sized hole I have right now.

Thank all for your responses
I think the question is putting a name on the emptiness. It's different and unique for everyone. I'm still quite young, so I'm not married and i don't have children. The emptiness for me has always been the yearning for a mother's connection and touch. I've been so deprived of that for so long, that even when i get a little bit of it, it's overwhelming and not enough at the same time. I told T one of my deepest longings last night and it was nice that she wants so much to be that person for me,but sh'es just T. She just kept saying that she wishes she could go back in time and give young me what i so desperately needed. My question is why can't 24 yr old me deserve the same love and nurturing as 8 yr old me? Why do we always have to be a child?

Polarsmom and Tree))))
I think you are in a different stage of your live's and you as an individual are growing and change. Maybe you are seeking a different type of emotional intimacy? Are there different types?

(((((((((((sw628))))))))))))) I think this is the emptiness for me too. I never had the chance to feel safe, loved, cared for, nurtured, important, worth something....and I still have this big, giant hole inside because of that. The fact that T can fill it up a little bit makes me realize how big it actually is. It was almost easier when I didn't recognize that it was there.

24 year old you DOES deserve the same love and nurturing as 8 year old you. I think the problem is we just can't go back and BE 8 again...so T can nurture the 24 year old, but will never be able to go back and do it all over again with you. That was one of the saddest moments of therapy for me - realizing that no matter how much he wants to, and no matter how much I want him to, T can never go back and take care of that child me. Ugh.

I'm slowly starting to see that there are ways that *I* can nurture that young me, and that does help fill the gap between T sessions. The thought of me nurturing myself used to make me VERY angry. It doesn't feel fair. But I think somehow, being nurtured by T is showing me ways I can nurture myself. It helps, a little.

BIG hugs to you...this stuff is really painful.

Oh, I SO identify with the feelings expressed in this thread, especially right now!! I have a "good" life: husband, children, and grandchildren, and I love them. But I am still trying to fill up some emptiness via therapy. I hate that I do this, and am struggling to find out why I keep repeating this pattern with Ts. for all of us who are struggling with this. May we come to terms with our feelings and find the love we crave.

I am right there with you. . .I have the same yearning and emptiness. While other relationships are important, they don't fill the unmet needs. It hurts.

"I'm slowly starting to see that there are ways that *I* can nurture that young me, and that does help fill the gap between T sessions. The thought of me nurturing myself used to make me VERY angry. It doesn't feel fair. But I think somehow, being nurtured by T is showing me ways I can nurture myself. It helps, a little".

Tree)))))))
I so get the nurturing myself and anger part. I've really spent 24 yrs nurturing myself and "taking care of myself" as T always says. Why can't someone take care of me for a change, then i think, " Who am I to think that i deserve to be taken care of and have my needs met?" I feel like printing this thread and sending it to T in an email. I literally spent our entire hour together trying to get her to understand how painful and big the hole inside my heart is and T just kept saying. " I'm so confused. It was so frustrating.

Peaches))))
I'm happy this thread validates a lot of what we are all feeling.

You know, I have spent my whole life taking care of myself, but just recently learning how to "nurture" myself.

I guess for me, there is a difference.

Taking care of myself is making sure I SURVIVE. It's making sure that I am fed and clothed and that I never need to ask anyone else for anything. Taking care of myself is not a gentle thing...in fact, it involves a lot of self-talk like "I should do better". A LOT of "shoulds", actually. A lot of criticism and never being satisfied. Kind of a lonely thing.

Nurturing myself is much more gentle. It is learning to accept who I am. It is allowing myself to do things that feed my soul...wrapping myself up with a warm blanket, letting myself crawl in bed and read, coloring mandalas with crayons I bought just for myself, taking knitting classes that *I* want to take, giving myself a BREAK and learning to like all of the parts of me.

I've taken care of myself since I was a toddler. But I just started "nurturing" myself in the past few months.

I needed a LOT of nurturing from T before I would even begin to consider doing those things for myself. I am starting to appreciate those younger parts of me, and the things they had to do to survive. I don't mind nurturing them the way that I used to.

Tree)))))
I'm printing out your posts and sending it to my T in an email! I think i'm having an Aha moment.... I finally maybe be getting it