[rainbow8]

I am missing 2 weeks of therapy, maybe 3. I'm just starting to become curious about my new T, and maybe I'm missing her a little. But I mostly miss the therapy, not her. That's so strange for me! Is it because I still have the feelings for my former T? My new one does not seem like my T yet.

I don't have a clear picture of her in my mind yet. Maybe because I close my eyes so much! But I'm starting to see her more as a person. I just don't know her yet. Time will tell if this kind of therapy will keep me from having strong feelings about her or not. I don't think it will. It just seems weird that I don't miss her so much. She's still a stranger to me, though I feel comfortable with her. Did it take time to think of your T as a "real person"?

I don't think my T became 'real' to me until well over a year had gone by. It shifted when I became aware that the crisis last summer had been very painful for her as well. I guess like you, before that I would miss therapy and her 'therapistness', but not her. 'Slow to warm up' could be my middle name!
BTW, there is nothing weird about you or your feelings...I don't know who taught you to question and second-guess yourself so much, but they sure did a through job! Here's hoping you find a little mental space to relax and just be your rainbow self!

[Melbadaze]

I'm not sure what "real" really means. When did my feelings for T become "important"? well I'm more BPD so I tended to just attach immediately in a face turned away kinda of fashion, the feelings were bubbling but I was in denial.

[rainbow8]

Aw, thanks Ripley. Your reply was so sweet. I wish I were more rainbow-like instead of negative and self-critical. I think it's because I remember my parents telling me things like "You're so pretty but... or "your drawing is good, but...." I didn't gain confidence in myself or my feelings. We didn't express feelings much in my family.

I became attached to my former T after 2 sessions, so I thought it would be the same this time. This therapy is different, which is what I want, except for the part that doesn't want that.

Melba--I'm not sure what I mean by real. Maybe "important" like you said. I can stand the break from her because she's not so important to me yet. I still feel attached to my former T. I'm hesitant to attach to my new T the way I usually do because it hurts so much. I want a middle ground, but that usually doesn't happen with me. I have BPD too, or at least I used to. I keep going over a phrase new T said, for some reason. That starts the attachment process for me. Thinking about HER. So she's going to become real, not a bad thing, since the IFS hopefully will deal with it better than my last T did.

I'm not sure what you mean by a "real person" either. My t has always been a real person to me, but it has always been about the therapy, not the t. I don't get the strong, I can't stand to be away from my t feelings that some of you do. Maybe it is because I'm not BPD. I've also never thought of my therapy in terms of "attachment" to my t. I know I am attached, but that really isn't the issue. What I need to deal with in my own life is always the focus in therapy. We really never talk about the relationship between therapist/client because it really is way down the list in importance. Definitely not the focus. Perhaps that's a good thing for you since that always creates problems for you. Now you can really focus on yourself.

[Melbadaze]

Avoiding problems doesn't make them go away though. I think its through healthy attachments that we learn to heal.

[peaches100]

Hi Rainbow,

I didn't attach right away -- though when i did, it was strong. When i read the phrase "real person" in your thread, i thought you might have meant viewing t as a regular human being, not somebody who seems all powerful or wise, or a mother figure. If that's what you meant, I'm still learning to see my t as a real person rather than idealized.

I think it's good that you're starting to feel attached to the process of t more than the t herself. . .although your feelings for her will probably increase as you get to know her. Maybe it won't be like with your last t though. Maybe the attachment will be in proportion.

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

Avoiding problems doesn't make them go away though. I think its through healthy attachments that we learn to heal.

Who said anything about avoiding problems? Are attachments that become almost obsessive really healthy? Or are they themselves a type of avoidance? It sounds like, Rainbow, that you are forming good, healthy attachment to your t this time. It just feels different to you because, well, it is different.

[Melbadaze]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Who said anything about avoiding problems? Are attachments that become almost obsessive really healthy?

In the wrong hands no, but being obsessive is what it is until its recieved and worked through. If we have strong feelings we just do, and will have them somewhere else in our lifes perhaps with someone that may abuse them? I'd much rather work through it, is what I was saying. Its not a charactor flaw nor shameful to become obessively attached, its just unmet needs crying to be met.