Alone with the relationship.

So T's away for another 2 weeks and thats ok, but what I realised for the first time is how alone that leaves me feeling. I mean I can't bring her to life by talking to friends or hubby about her, shes almost like a secret friend that no one knows about or must know about. That does make sense?

I realised last night that if she were to die, I'd be left with no one to share my grief with nor have anyone to share the time we spent together with because its not a natural friendship.

Yes, yes I know some might say that she serves a different purpose, but still I am human and feel like I'm alone on a desert island with my feelings toward T. I feel I am carrying her absence alone within myself.

I suppose there is no other way for it to be, but just as it is, but still, this is the first time I've noticed this. I know when I mentioned about her dying in the past she said there is someone that would be able to work with me in that event and I said, but I dont want anyone else but you.

I suppose I share have to talk this over with her when she returns, about how lonely it feels, I cant say to anyone that I miss her, well I could, but I just don't feel that feels right. I shall continue to miss T on my island, thts all I can do.

(((Melbadaze)))

When my therapist is gone I miss her as well, but I can talk about it to my wife, now she isn't all that understanding, she is not real happy about me having another woman having such a prominent place in my life, but we can and do talk about it when I'm feeling lonely because of her absence.

Why can’t you talk to your husband about it?

Melbadaze. I can so empathize with how you're feeling. I still feel terribly sad when I think of my former psychiatric nurse - I know logically that it wasn't a friendship, but that doesn't help - I still miss her terribly and I don't feel it's something I can talk about to others very easily either. Also, I have a very good online friend I met at another forum, and when they were extremely suicidal, I panicked that they would die and I wouldn't ever hear what had happened, which would leave a huge hole in my life and no-one would understand.

I don't know how to get beyond this - perhaps as we heal, we naturally find other things to replace the intensity of the relationship with our Ts? - don't know, but just wanted to say how much I feel this too.

Melbadaze,

I empathise with you. I can't talk about my feelings for my t with anybody except my husband. . .and even with him. . . I try not to talk about her. . .because if i say i am sad that i am missing a session, he says "Oh, you'll do fine. Just don't think about it." or some such thing.

My h doesn't like me talking about missing hmy t or feeling attached to her because he doesn't think i should feel that way. . .saying, "She's just like any other professional I'd see, a tool, not a friend or someone to get attached to". . .etc. So that leaves it locked inside me, or i talk about it here on PC.

(((((Melba)))) I think you expressed it quite eloquently. Its as if T is a part of us, a part of our heart and being without her is like losing a part of oursleves.

I know that desert island feeling b/c who can really understand the part of us that T is? Only T. I hope the 2 weeks goes quickly for you.

funny, one of my 16yrol twin daughters best friend went away for a few days, due to return yesterday evening, and my daughter said to me yesterday " A" makes me feel like a lesbian I miss her so much LOL, but with that I replied, "I miss my therapiat like that too" she looked at me and said, do you. For her that was normal to express her eMotions so off the cuff, for me it feels so big and secretive. But in that moment I felt free with my feelings, able to tell another humaNbeing and be understood. I'm also proud of my daughter for having no fears about feeling.

Melba, I think it's wonderful that your daughter could express the way she misses her friend and more wonderful that you could then express your feelings about missing your T to her. So now, even if your daughter may not understand completely, you are not as alone with the relationship.

I also want to say I understand what you mean because I've felt the same way. You described it perfectly--"alone with the relationship." I could never get anyone to understand except those who have also been in therapy. My H just thinks I've been "in love" with my Ts. I've given up trying to get him to understand. I don't think anyone can truly get it unless it's happened to them. The therapeutic relationship is unique.

I understand how much it can ache.

I emailed T this morning thanking her for the postcard and added, "But I still miss you". T replied, "yes, I know, but just because I'm away doesnt mean I've stopped caring".

Each time I email and she replys I learn, so much about normal relationship commuincation I lack, shows just how much went wrong growing up, I think if I'd ever told my adoptive mother I missed her or told her I missed my birth mother she would have replied "dont be stupid you selfish child".

At the risk of asking a question in the wrong place -- can you see anything that tells you about the adoptive mother in the comment "dont be stupid you selfish child"? I mean, does it tell you anything about how she felt about herself?

I find this kind of question and my answers to it to be quite interesting. Not always easy to cope with, but interesting.

patchy, Oh I know about my adoptive mothers insecuritys NOW, but as a child one isnt able to comprehend such objectivity.