[AtreyuFreak]

So this is kinda an odd question. I've seen 10 T's in the last 3 years, and all of them have been female. I find this a bit strange, as I never asked for it or anything, but it's not a huge deal. However, I noticed that it's ironic because I can't STAND girls my own age, and almost all of my friends are male...plus, I have issues trusting a male (in an intimate/romantic way), so I don't think I'd have an issue with falling for a male T or anything; on the same note, I trust them with secrets and that sort of thing, and I'm often more honest with my male friends than my female friends...Since I'm switching T's soon, I want to know if I should tell my current T (who, for some reason, is controlling the search for a new T) to expand the search for females and males in the area of expertise I need. I don't know why I never thought of this first...Now, it almost seems like maybe (and I could be getting ahead of myself) I could do better with a male T...cause one of the biggest problems I've had with female T's thus far is that some of the things they do remind me of my mother, which triggers my BPD and makes me completely hate them and fight everything they try to do.

Sorry for rambling...please tell me your opinion, no matter what it is!!!! (Yes, you can even post to say "I think chocolate is amazing" )

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by AtreyuFreak

Since I'm switching T's soon, I want to know if I should tell my current T (who, for some reason, is controlling the search for a new T) to expand the search for females and males in the area of expertise I need.

I don't see how having such alternatives could be bad.

[WePow]

A male T can offer things in a different way. I have had female mentors, and I learned a lot from them. But I never had a true father figure. So my T now is that for me. It is very open and honest transference that I need at this time. It is allowing me to trust a male to help me and not harm me or neglect me. It has been challenging, but I would not change it for the world at this time. Maybe one day I will have a female T but I could not do it for this work.

[skeksi]

I see a male T and I think it has really been helpful for me. My chief issues are with men (abusers), and learning to trust T has been a huge way to work through this problem.

Like Perna says, opening your search can't hurt! I hope you find someone, male or female, who feels right.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by AtreyuFreak

I want to know if I should tell my current T (who, for some reason, is controlling the search for a new T) to expand the search for females and males in the area of expertise I need.

Why has the current search been limited to consideration of female therapists? I would think a search would include both males and females by default unless the client expressed a preference or the T helping with the search thinks you would do better with females. I think it would be an interesting topic to discuss with your T, since she knows you.

Since you have already had 10 female Ts, if you do find a male with the right expertise, why not try?

I have had two therapists. My first was female, my second and current is male. With the first, I really wanted a female therapist, because I was going through a hard relationship with a male in my life and I felt like a female would be more supportive and understanding to me in this situation. Therapy with her was only for about 9 months, off and on, and then I quit. She hadn't been able to help me that much, but I don't think it was because she was female. My second T I was apprehensive about because he was male, and I had this idea that a female would be more supportive. But I couldn't have been more wrong. My T is very supportive and empowering, and totally "gets" just about everything that is happening in my life. I also think that having a close relationship with him has been very healing, as it helped to be with a male who was nice to me and who actually liked me. In my negative, real life relationship, I think I had internalized my mate's antipathy towards me into "no guy could ever like me" from a simple "this particular guy does not like me." So the relationship with my male T has helped me see the fallacy of that internalization.

[AtreyuFreak]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Why has the current search been limited to consideration of female therapists? I would think a search would include both males and females by default unless the client expressed a preference or the T helping with the search thinks you would do better with females. I think it would be an interesting topic to discuss with your T, since she knows you.

My current T is a bit of a...moron, you could say. I seriously don't think she knows what she's doing. She likes to make decisions for me without asking me, and that constantly causes fights between us. (Side note: Why the hell is this T fighting with me??? Don't I get that enough at home?! Very unprofessional, IMO.) On the one hand, I think she assumes that because my problems right now were caused by SA (perpetrated by males), I should see females; however, I definitely agree with you guys that an example of a positive relationship with a male would be FAR more beneficial than avoiding them.

I will definitely talk to my T though about expanding her search. And I probably will confront her one it, even if just to say, "WTF were you thinking??"

[skeksi]

Atreyu, it is so nice to see you asserting yourself and looking out for what you need. You are very brave and on your way to healing!

[fieldofdreams]

Why is your T controlling the search for a new T? I find that kind of ... well, controlling, especially since you said that she likes to make decisions for you without asking you. That's not typically the way that most T's work.
Most T's don't want to make decisions for you, and while they will generally offer referrals if you ask, I've never known of a T who actually controlled the search for a new T. Am I understanding that correctly? Is she really controlling the search, and is that what YOU want or what SHE wants?

[Perna]

I think 10 Ts in the last 3 years is a greater problem than what gender they are. Too, that you describe this T as a "moron" and think even their finding you a male T would make a difference. A moron can't make a good choice for you; only you can. Do your own search. If you cannot do your own search, I would stay where you are and work as well as you can where you are.

[fieldofdreams]

Good point, Perna. 10 T's in the last 3 years is a lot!
Atreyu, why so many? Maybe that's the question you need to ask yourself first, before trying another one.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by AtreyuFreak

I will definitely talk to my T though about expanding her search. And I probably will confront her one it, even if just to say, "WTF were you thinking??"

Why would you respond that way? Maybe she doesn't know you want to consider males but just erroneously assumed you did not. Why not just tell her without trying to insult her?

I have always had close male friends and like you, was uncomfortable with my female peers. I tried a few female t's and they were all horrible experiences. I've had 3 different male t's over the years and each one was supportive, easy to be honest with, and just excellent in their profession. I'd take your current t out of the equation for finding a new t. That just seems odd to me. You can do this independent of your current t. Good luck to you.

[AtreyuFreak]

Originally Posted by fieldofdreams

Why is your T controlling the search for a new T? I find that kind of ... well, controlling, especially since you said that she likes to make decisions for you without asking you. That's not typically the way that most T's work.
Most T's don't want to make decisions for you, and while they will generally offer referrals if you ask, I've never known of a T who actually controlled the search for a new T. Am I understanding that correctly? Is she really controlling the search, and is that what YOU want or what SHE wants?

She never asked me at all. She just kinda said she was looking, and that was it. She doesn't seem to give me choices on anything at all, really. Which is stupid cause for people like me that just makes me want to like rebel against her or something... stupid and unprofessional, IMO. I can't wait to get away from her.

[AtreyuFreak]

Originally Posted by Perna

I think 10 Ts in the last 3 years is a greater problem than what gender they are. Too, that you describe this T as a "moron" and think even their finding you a male T would make a difference. A moron can't make a good choice for you; only you can. Do your own search. If you cannot do your own search, I would stay where you are and work as well as you can where you are.

The biggest thing I can think of is that I keep getting shifted around. They suddenly think, "oh, this person can help you more," either because I need to see someone more qualified or that I get along with better (according to them)... It actually gets really old. And with a few of them (but literally probably only...2, that I remember) I either did NOT get along well with their personality or (with one in particular) she did/said something that caused me to hate her (stupid BPD, but whatever. She was a ******!).

Yes, it does seem like a lot, and I constantly ask myself if that's my fault, but I don't really think it is...at least nothing that could be altered, changed, or helped.

[AtreyuFreak]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Why would you respond that way? Maybe she doesn't know you want to consider males but just erroneously assumed you did not. Why not just tell her without trying to insult her?

I could and I see your point. I really need to try to be patient with her, but I am at this point just so fed up with all her bulls*** (and all the bulls*** similar to it that I've endured from my mother and other stupid Ts, so I'm probably taking ALL of that out on her) that it's hard to even be nice to her right now. Embarassing, since that's rather out of character for me...(I think...)

[Mike_J]

I'm a guy, but I could never have a male therapist, just some things I would never feel comfortable telling another man. And I have always found it easier to form close friendships with women. For me I think it has a lot to do with me being maybe a bit too in touch with my feminine side (not really such a bad thing is it?)

So I say if you don’t see a problem with seeing a male therapist then there isn’t a problem.

[AtreyuFreak]

I'm the same but opposite: I've always been a tomboy, and hate anything "girly".

Originally Posted by Mike_J

I'm a guy, but I could never have a male therapist, just some things I would never feel comfortable telling another man. And I have always found it easier to form close friendships with women. For me I think it has a lot to do with me being maybe a bit too in touch with my feminine side (not really such a bad thing is it?)

So I say if you don’t see a problem with seeing a male therapist then there isn’t a problem.