[suzzie]

That is the most dreaded question for me. My T keeps asking me this and I dont know what to say. I dont know why I dont have an answer, I just dont. Now T emailed me and wants me to put something or at least some words about it in my journal. Has anyone else ever have a hard time with question. It seems most people know exactly why they want counseling. I dont know if Ill ever get past this and I dont think T will stop nicely asking me until I have an answer.

[WePow]

Suzzie... sometimes what you don't know you need is hard to describe. For me, it was not what I had ... but what was missing... There was also too much stress so I did have that as a starter point for my T. But maybe you can describe what you feel is missing?

[darkrunner]

Hi Suzzie,
I think exploring this is a good start, even if it takes a long time.
Try to be patient with yourself (I know that can be hard to do sometimes!)
Journaling is a good idea and might help bring some things to the surface.
Once you can figure out some specific things you want to work on or improve in your day to day life, that will help you set some goals and direction for your counseling.

Try to think of this as a starting point.

I thought I'd throw out a few general questions you could think about. These may be way off base so forgive me if they don't make sense for you.
Is there any thing that causes you anxiety?
Do have a support system in real life, and if not, do you know why not?
Are your personal relationships healthy and satisfying?
How are your coping skills? - are you able to feel and deal with anger, fear, etc?
Do you have things in your life that you love do to and that you look forward to?

I am not expecting you to answer all of these here, but maybe will give you a way to start thinking about what you want to get out of counseling. Good luck, and let us know how it turns out (if you want to)

For me, why I initially went to counseling and why I'm actually there have ended up being two completely different things. Go figure.

I went to counseling knowing I was having chronic depression and wanting to have a professional to touch base with (rather inocuous). I've discovered that I'm really there to have someone to help me maintain stability as I've since been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I need that 3rd party who can objectively assess how I'm fairing on a regular basis.

We've worked a great deal on self-esteem, self-talk,etc. I've taken away greater self-confidence and self-awareness over time.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that the answer to that question can be pretty fluid.

[ECHOES]

"I want my life to feel better"
"I want to understand myself better"
"I want to learn about my intense emotional responses to life situations"
"I want to have better realtionships with others"
"I want to grow, feel mature, feel content, feel secure, feel competent..."

Those would have been included in my answer to the question.

[sugahorse1]

I battle with the same thing, but I can really relate to Chris - her reasons and purposes.
I need someone objective to vent to, who can at the same time be unbiased enough to assess if I'm coping. I like to know I have someone I can phone when I feel I'm not coping, who can make the decision around - do I need to be admitted to hospital, should I be phoning my pdoc to change my meds...?
I just like knowing there's a point of reference out there.
She can help me analyse my emotions
She can be a support when the bottom falls out.
I find that my "friends" never really understand. They do not suffer from bipolar, they cannot understand the pain and anguish. They'll probably compare the moods to PMS, depression to "The Blues". I need someone in my life who understands.
I want to learn coping skills to get through the depression on my own (Unless I'm really at rock bottom)

Those are just my 2 cents

[Melbadaze]

Doesn't have to be anything big, it can be as simple as "I wasn't happy with my life".

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

For me, why I initially went to counseling and why I'm actually there have ended up being two completely different things. .

same here.
I think when I began, I knew deep down that things were not working, but I didn't know why, or how it could be different (or even THAT it could be different!)

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

""I want to grow, feel mature, feel content, feel secure, feel competent...".

(speaking for myself) To feel.

[rainbow8]

suzzie, did you decide to seek counseling or did someone else tell you that you have to go? If you chose to make that first appointment, why did you? If someone else did, what reason did they give you? What were your thoughts and feelings before your first session?

In my case, a close friend suggested that I go because I told her how depressed I felt. I was going through some hard times. But, as time went on, I had many more reasons. I wanted to find out why I am the way I am. I wanted someone to be there for me the way only a T (or a mother) can be. I wanted a safe place where I could be myself.

What do you talk about in your sessions? I don't know why a T would keep asking you that question unless you don't have anything to talk about. Therapy just evolves; you don't need an exact reason why you are there.

[suzzie]

Thanks so much everyone! It makes a little more sense to me now. I am going to give this another try.

Rainbow8, there isnt much talk in my sessions right now. Im not much of a talker, so T is grasping at straws to find a direction I suppose. I tend to give single word answers.

Hopefully I will stop tearing out the pages in my journal and have something to show at the next session. The ideas here, I think might help me come up with something.

[rainbow8]

I'm glad the replies helped you. I am still wondering why you went to therapy in the first place. I would think that reason is a place to start. You say you give one-word answers to your T. Are you willing to show her what you write in your journal, or can you write something that tells her why you came to therapy? I used to have a lot of trouble talking to my first T, years ago, and often I would bring in something and read it, or just give it to her. I also wrote poetry and gave it to my Ts to explain my feelings. You can be brief. Just write a list of what you want the T to help you with. Are you depressed? Unhappy? Lonely? Have trouble with relationships?

Do you like this T? Do you feel comfortable with her? Maybe you could do something other than talking in your session. Artwork maybe? My T had me do a collage about my Mom and I didn't have to talk much, though now I usually don't shut up in therapy. If you can't talk, maybe you can draw a picture or make a collage at home to show your T what is bothering you.

I hope that your next session goes well, suzzie.

[jexa]

suzzie, can you tell us what caused you to pick up the phone and call a T for an appointment? Was there anything you were upset about right before you called for the first time?

Some examples... I got in a fight with my boyfriend and decided to go to T. Or, I was sad and scared one night so I decided I needed help. Or, I am really lonely and wanted someone to talk to so I went to T. Was it one of these, or maybe something else?

[suzzie]

There is something that I know I want to do in therapy eventually, but not right now. I have to work up to it. Not depressed, lonely, got in a fight or anything.

T is going to look at the journal, that is partly what is making it so hard. We are going to discuss it. The T did mention art and some other things too. I have never shared my thoughts with anyone and am having a hard time trying to trust the idea.

I tried working on the journal today, but didnt get to far. I need to go somewhere quiet and concentrate on it.

Thanks for the continued thoughts.

[BlackCanary]

Definitely at least tell T what you wrote -- "There is something that I know I want to do in therapy eventually, but not right now. I have to work up to it."
That will likely help T to pace things.
Maybe make a list of safe things to discuss now?

Still, you can go the funny route "What brings me to counseling?"
a) a Toyota!
b) the 43 bus!
c) my mother!

bad-dum-bum, thank you, I'll be here all week....

[jexa]

Great, suzzie! Sounds like you DO know what brought you to counseling, but you just can't say! Now, that makes perfect sense to me. But I bet it is really hard for your T to understand, without knowing what is going on. So maybe something like, "Well, before I can tell you what brings me here really, I have to feel comfortable. So for now, can it be, I'm learning to feel comfortable in therapy?" This would probably help your T help you, and give you a goal to work on. It sounds like your T feels more comfortable with goals. Give her this one, and she will probably relax and know what to do, instead of pushing you so hard to come up with goals. What do you think?

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by BlackCanary

bad-dum-bum, thank you, I'll be here all week....

thanks BC you made me laugh. Good luck on my T reading my journal; it's all I can do to read it myself, my handwriting is that bad.

Still (suzzie) it's very good that you will share that with yr T - I have mine with me all the time but rarely bring it out - but whenever I do, I've noticed that T's eyes light up. I wonder if she'll grab it one day LOL

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by suzzie

There is something that I know I want to do in therapy eventually, but not right now. I have to work up to it. Not depressed, lonely, got in a fight or anything.

T is going to look at the journal, that is partly what is making it so hard. We are going to discuss it. The T did mention art and some other things too. I have never shared my thoughts with anyone and am having a hard time trying to trust the idea.

I tried working on the journal today, but didnt get to far. I need to go somewhere quiet and concentrate on it.

Thanks for the continued thoughts.

Sometimes, wishes seem so scary or seem so impossible that it can be hard to write them (or think them) because it can feel like a commitment to accomplish them *right now*. yikes. Keep in mind that therapy is a process, is at your own pace, and there is much to learn and experience along the way. And wishes (goals) can change during the process, and that is okay too. At any time we can say, I no longer want to focus on that.

New things seem bigger than they are sometimes. New things/experiences are unfamiliar and that can feel scary and can feel so foreign that it seems as if they aren't *right*. But in time, new and unfamiliar and uncomfortable can become familiar and comfortable.

suzzie, the Mayo Clinic site, among others, provides a comprehensive overview of quite a few mental illnesses. It may help you to visit the site to get an idea why you are in therapy. For example, the overview of depression lists the following symptoms:

Symptoms

Depression symptoms include:

• Feelings of sadness or unhappiness
• Irritability or frustration, even over small matters
• Loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities
• Reduced sex drive
• Insomnia or excessive sleeping
• Changes in appetite — depression often causes decreased appetite and weight loss, but in some people it causes increased cravings for food and weight gain
• Agitation or restlessness — for example, pacing, hand-wringing or an inability to sit still
• Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
• Indecisiveness, distractibility and decreased concentration
• Fatigue, tiredness and loss of energy — even small tasks may seem to require a lot of effort
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself when things aren't going right
• Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
• Frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide
• Crying spells for no apparent reason
• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

For some people, depression symptoms are so severe that it's obvious something isn't right. Others people feel generally miserable or unhappy without really knowing why.

Depression affects each person in different ways, so depression symptoms vary from person to person. Inherited traits, age, gender and cultural background all play a role in how depression may affect you.

You can select the symptoms that apply to you as the bases for seeking therapy.

Another example:

Symptoms

Generalized anxiety disorder symptoms can vary in combination and severity. They can include:

• Constant worrying or obsession about small or large concerns
• Restlessness and feeling keyed up or on edge
• Fatigue
• Difficulty concentrating or your mind "going blank"
• Irritability
• Muscle tension or muscle aches
• Trembling, feeling twitchy or being easily startled
• Trouble sleeping
• Sweating, nausea or diarrhea
• Shortness of breath or rapid heartbeat

There may be times when your worries don't completely consume you, but you still feel anxious even when there's no apparent reason. For example, you may feel intense worry about your safety or that of your loved ones, or you may have a general sense that something bad is about to happen.

Generalized anxiety disorder often begins at an early age, and the signs and symptoms may develop more slowly than in other anxiety disorders. Many people with generalized anxiety disorder can't recall when they last felt relaxed or at ease.

Generalized anxiety disorder is a chronic condition that requires ongoing treatment. Especially with treatment, you may not feel anxious all of the time. But you're always susceptible to becoming anxious, especially when life becomes stressful.

Generalized anxiety disorder usually occurs along with other mental health conditions, such as other anxiety disorders, substance abuse problems and mood disorders. It commonly co-occurs with major depression.

Again, if you are experiencing any of these symptoms, they are part of the reason you think you may benefit from therapy.

Good luck.

[Perna]

I was literally afraid of my shadow when I started therapy and just wanted to be less afraid of everything, is one reason I gave for therapy.

If you are afraid, think of one or two literal incidents that happen (I was afraid to pump gas for my car in gas stations I'd never used before, for example) and maybe put them in your journal. Looking at literal situations can be very enlightening, especially at first when it seems one is afraid of "everything".

[suzzie]

Feeling too anxious right now to write, but thank you, again! This journaling idea is really stressing me.

[Perna]

Suzzie, can you relax and maybe use a medium besides writing? I'm thinking of collage, doing a "picture" of things you would like, wishes, dreams, etc.

I did one many years ago, even has "potatoes" which are one of my favorite foods in the whole world :-) but I have a picture of my stepmother, an important/difficult person in my life and friends and a poem I like and pictures of interior and exterior "rooms" I like, etc.

http://mysharingspaceonline.com/collage.jpg

[suzzie]

I decided to email my T the other day and ask if i could send what I had. T said it was ok if I was comfortable with it. So I did. And now T has figured out what has brought me to counseling. But I dont know if I am ok with that. I wasnt expecting the T to get it. Atleast not yet. Now Im worried how I will react when I see T again. I dont know if I can handle someone else knowing. Ive never told anyone.