[trueFaith]

I saw this clip from an upcoming movie and the messages really struck me and I can SO relate to the woman in the film. The clip is only 5 minutes – but oh my god, in these 5 minutes everything is said! She is talking about me!

I have never seen myself as I truly am; never had an experience of a real self and the only self I knew was full of self-contempt. I hated myself so much that I just couldn’t let myself take part of anything good in life. I always managed to harm myself in one way or other, not intentionally but unconsciously. I hated myself so much that I wanted to die. I just couldn’t imagine to what extent my past had affected me, until I start therapy and got to know that accusing inner voice the woman in the clip is talking about. It’s such a relief to not have this voice constantly picking on me anymore.

I´m SO thankful for my loving, understanding and caring T!

[Perna]

I'm glad you and your T have helped you moved away from your non or ugly perceptions of yourself.

[purple_fins]

Thanks for sharing the clip-- was interesting.

reminds me of the theories of Karen Horney.... she writes about the "false self".......

"We now have two selves in Horney's theory, the real self, which she calls a "possible self," and the idealized self, which she calls an "impossible self." The real self is difficult to actualize because it is a sensitive plant that needs more nurturing than most of us receive and we can easily lose touch with it, but the idealized self can never be actualized because it transcends human possibilities and is full of contradictions. Self-idealization gives rise to yet a third self, the "despised self," which is what we feel ourselves to be when we fail to live up to the unrealistic

demands we make upon ourselves, which Horney calls our "shoulds"."

and..............

"The actual self is a mixture of the strengths and weaknesses, defensive strategies and strivings for health that have been produced by the interaction between our given nature and our environment. When there has been a good fit, there will be little disparity between the real and actual selves, and we will have a clear sense

of who we are. When the fit has been poor, the disparity will be great, and we will be confused about our identity. For Horney, one of the objects of therapy is to help patients relinquish their idealized selves and accept themselves as they are. This will diminish their self-hate and give them a chance to get in touch with their real selves."

It's great you don't have that voice picking on you so much anymore
good work -- you and the T. you see.

i'm working on achieving the same, if only ....

fins

[trueFaith]

((Perna)) – Thank you so much! I’m very happy too.

It's great you don't have that voice picking on you so much anymore
good work -- you and the T. you see.

((purple fins)) – Thank you so much and thanks for the excerpts! Very interesting readings!

That voice is so harmful. It is wily and when you don’t hear it, there is nothing you can do but wait for the next level so to speak. There are so many layers. When I start I wasn’t aware of all the thoughts that operate on a deeper level. It takes some time to find them but when you do and accept them, they will disappear.

i'm working on achieving the same, if only ....

Now I’m curios! May I ask what you mean by – if only?

[shezbut]

True Faith,

It is wonderful that you can see how much you have improved through your work with your T!! Congratulations

I haven't reached that stage of acceptance and development yet. But I do have some hope that I'll get their someday. I am still extremely resistant to acceptance, even though I understand that I'm carrying this baggage along with me. I don't want it! I refuse to accept reality. Strange as it sounds, that's where I am.

[trueFaith]

Hi, Shezbut! Thanks for your congrats!

I don't want it! I refuse to accept reality. Strange as it sounds, that's where I am.

No, I don’t think that sounds strange. Resistance is a natural part of therapy. It’s not possible to just lift of the baggage. I was scared to death knowing that I have to go through all the repressed feelings and, also being forced to let all my negative thoughts about myself come to the surface. That’s why therapy takes so long. The part of you who resist reality is not the real you, it is the voice of the resistance talking, trying to “protect you” from being hurt again.

I really believe that you too are going to make it happen someday. You have what it takes to get there. You seem to have such a great knowledge about yourself and therefore you can not fail. You are aware of your resistant to accept the reality and that is the way to recovery. It will carry you through the ups and downs. Because if you can acknowledge your resistance, it will work for you instead of the other way round.

All the best,

[purple_fins]

May I ask what you mean by – if only?

well..... ... I don't talk about it much, I find it a bit embarrassing to not have better insight and also, many here seem to be so intuned to what's going on inside themselves..... I fear saying something that would sound dumb.
..... it's just,

I often struggle with - if the voices are correct or not.(that's what I mean by-- "if only"-- if only I could truly feel they are not true) I heard the things they say in my head, from others when I was a child and was accused of being a horrible person when I'd not done anything bad-- some just needed a scapegoat or one to have control over and to vent their anger on a smaller being.
Since I've been working real hard in therapy-- seems the voices have been also putting in overtime to confuse and twist things around...... it's like the body is on a spinning top, so hard to see things clearly....
but I'm not giving up yet

hope that wasn't too long..... just hoped to explain it clearly.

again-- I think it's so so wonderful how much work you have accomplished for yourself

respectully,
fins

[trueFaith]

Hi fins,

Thank you for sharing this with me. I have read some of your threads and I can not see that you are different from anybody else here on forum. You definitely not sound dumb. It makes me sad that you think less of your self; that your self-image matches the one I had. You don’t see it yet but you have insights, although your perception of your self is not quite “right”. You are in touch with your feelings and you don’t justify them. It takes a lot to do that!

I often struggle with - if the voices are correct or not.(that's what I mean by-- "if only"-- if only I could truly feel they are not true) I heard the things they say in my head, from others when I was a child and was accused of being a horrible person when I'd not done anything bad-- some just needed a scapegoat or one to have control over and to vent their anger on a smaller being.

It’s difficult to not believe in this voice. But we need to wean ourselves from our defences very gently, in tiny, tiny steps. The therapy process wake up lots of fear. It’s not easy to go back and back and back…The more I let myself mourn my loss in childhood, the more I like myself. The grieving evokes empathy for your inner child and thereby freeing you from the burden (the voice) that it was your fault that your parents treated you the way they did.

Since I've been working real hard in therapy-- seems the voices have been also putting in overtime to confuse and twist things around...... it's like the body is on a spinning top, so hard to see things clearly
but I'm not giving up yet

For me, that indicates that you really are on the right track. Because when you are, the voice screams even louder.

again-- I think it's so so wonderful how much work you have accomplished for yourself.

You are so sweet! Go on exactly as you do and you will soon be there too! And your post was not long and you explained it in an excellent way!

Good luck and hugs to you!

[WikidPissah]

TF....it's awesome that you can see those inner sadistic voices in that light. Gives me hope that I can get there some day.

[trueFaith]

Originally Posted by Eileen2010

TF....it's awesome that you can see those inner sadistic voices in that light. Gives me hope that I can get there some day.

Thank you Eileen!

Oh yes, with a little patience you certainly will!