[geez]

I'm feeling a little bewildered about my T lately. I feel like I'm seeing her as a human being with flaws and I'm not sure I like her anymore.

I used to feel like I needed her and now I feel 'above her'. It's like I figured her out and now I'm ready to move on.

There are some conflicting things that have happened in T before were she will say: you "insert statement here" - and then she'll say "that was something I think you mentioned before" and I will say "no not me" and she'll say "oh sorry I was thinking of something someone else said"....

Other times she'll say assumptions that aren't correct like: "You seem to be ok and are doing better with xyz" - and in my head I'm like no I'm not doing better in that area and or I don't feel confident.

When I first met T she told me she's into short term therapy - focused based therapy - not long term like for 20yrs for example (I agree with that ). - perhaps she is sick of me after 2 1/2 yrs?

There are things she says to me that makes me think she forgets some of the things I tell her (such as questions about the past). I'll tell her something sometimes (something I've told her before) and she acts like she's hearing it for the first time. Perhaps I'm being too hard on her? How much can one person retain with having so many clients etc...?

I'm feeling closed off from her and I'm not sure I want to feel connected to her anymore.

I'm not saying I'm perfect and I certainly have my flaws in therapy as far as not being open and communicative. I'm sure I'm not the easiest client.

Am I being overly critical of her? What do you think?

As always thank you for listening.

Peace.

[granite1]

geez i am so with you on this.sometimes my T is the same way about things i have said or she has said.she doesnt remember or atleast acts like she doesnt.i say so few things to her i know every word i have said to her you would think with how little i say it wouldnt be hard for her to remember.she is also great on saying remember i told you this.NO I DONT REMEMBER.just wanted to say i know it is frustrating.i would bring it up and ask her about it the next time she does it

[Sannah]

Geez, could you possibly be getting triggered? I mean, what you are describing your T saying to you, does it make you feel like she is not paying attention to you? I know this was a big trigger for me. My mom didn't pay any attention to me so as an adult when I got any hint that someone wasn't interested in me I would get triggered. So if you are getting triggered by this, 1) are your feelings towards your parents coming out toward her?, or 2) do you want to punish her now, or 3) are you distancing yourself from her so you won't get hurt any more?

BTW, great tuning into your feelings!!

[daytimedreamer]

I can sympathize with you feel. I have a lot of trouble trusting people and that has been a problem for me in therapy. Something that I have been able to use to get past this with medical professionals is to tell myself "This person is very educated. They are smarter than you. It is okay to give them the reins for awhile, because they know how to use them.". If I start to suspect that the medical professional is not as smart or educated as I originally thought, all trust and respect I had for them goes out the window.

I only saw my T for a few months, but during that time she constantly forgot my husband's name and twice called me by someone else's name in session. She frequently forgot things that I told her and we often had to go over the same things a few times because she'd forget that we already talked about it. She took notes during session, but I can't imagine she ever looked at them, even though she had an hour of free time before my session every week (she told me). Eventually I just stopped going because it seemed like she didn't have a clue.

I've been told that my expectations are too high and that I am too critical of people's flaws (including my own), so I don't know if my reaction was inappropriate or if she really was a space cadet. I am not suggesting that you just stop showing up to therapy, because maybe that was not necessarily something good to do. Could you try talking to your T about it? Maybe it is something you could work through together.

[WePow]

Geez, it is true that a therapist is a person. And it is ok to not like certain things about them. But it is the same as any relationship - we have to allow some room for them to be a human.

The trick is to recognize how much help we are getting from T as a professional. They are not a friend, so we don't have to like them. But if we are not able to learn and heal from the sessions, then it is time to find a new T.

[Melbadaze]

Geez, I get the sense as i read your post that theres not a whole lot of feeling "contained and held" in your therapy? I could be wrong, its just what I felt as I read, you mention that from the get go your T said shes not into long term therapy alongside the forgetting things even though everyone forgets things, but if its coupled with the original feeling of not being there for long it can perhaps just add to the floating feeling? I know for me it was important to know its me that says when therapy is over, the option for long term was there if I needed it.

[WikidPissah]

My old T used to forget what I said and what we talked about all the time. He even used to forget the important stuff. Drove me crazy, so I know what you mean. He used to be really off-base with his observations as well. T's aren't perfect, they see lots of people, hear lots of stories..etc. I guess the real question is...Is T helping you? Are you moving forward at all? If not, it might be time to move on. I'm not in favor of switching T's alot, but 2.5 years is a long time, and maybe you need someone else to take you the rest of the way on your journey?

[sunrise]

geez, it is just recently that your T has become very forgetful, or has she always been this way? If it is recent, I am wondering if perhaps she is having some sort of health issue or her practice has gotten much more busy lately and her brain is overwhelmed. If it is recent, you could mention that to her: "I've notice lately that blah blah blah--are you OK?"

If it is not recent, I would still point out what is going on. For example, if my T told me that I seem to be OK and that I was doing better, I would definitely be interested in that! Ts offer us their interpretations and I am always really interested to hear mine! He doesn't give them often, so I like when he does. I know that they are just his interpretations, and if they are not correct, he wants to hear that from me, so he comes to understand me better. If I felt that I was not OK, I would tell my T, "I really don't feel OK, but I'm interested in why you think that. Can you tell me why you thought that?" It's interesting to hear his perceptions.

My T forgets things quite a bit, but I am forgetful too, so I excuse this pretty easily. If I refer to something I said at a previous session and he sits there looking at me blankly, I may ask him, "I think I mentioned this earlier, is this ringing a bell at all? Should I keep going?" I don't want to repeat something he already remembers, and then sometimes I will say a little more and he will say yes now he remembers (or maybe not!). Sometimes there are things that I felt were really significant that it seems my T has forgotten. On the other hand, sometimes there are things my T recalls months and months later with incredible detail and this makes me feel really good.

Sometimes my T "recalls" things about me that are not true, LOL. Like he seems to have fixated in his mind that my parents live in a certain town about 4 hours away. In reality, they live in our area, about a 30 minute drive away.

I don't think I would like it if my T continually excused his memory lapses by saying he was thinking about another client.

Originally Posted by geez

Am I being overly critical of her? What do you think?

I am not sure you are being overly critical, but I think you are being "underly communicative" about this stuff with your T. If she has suddenly become really forgetful and her clients are noticing it, she should know. And when she makes an interpretation that doesn't really fit, can you tell her how things really are with you? Otherwise she won't learn how to help you better. Plus, it would be interesting for you to learn what has lead her to these incorrect observations.

Good luck, geez.

[geez]

Thank you all so much for your responses! It is really helpful for me to write things out. I hope to return the favor to you all with some questions on your postings.

Originally Posted by Sannah

Geez, could you possibly be getting triggered? My mom didn't pay any attention to me so as an adult when I got any hint that someone wasn't interested in me I would get triggered. 2) do you want to punish her now, or 3) are you distancing yourself from her so you won't get hurt any more?

((Sannah)) you always seem to know how to ask the right questions!

I would agree with wanting to punish her by leaving her. I feel very strongly about distancing myself from her so I won't get hurt. OMG I just had a revelation after typing that. Brain Train....Am I with my husband because he is safe? Because I don't feel such a strong emotional attachment to him (I've always liked him like a friend and I do love him but not a huge animal attraction kind of love). Does that mean I only choose people who are 'safe'? people whom I like enough but anyone I like more than enough I push away for fear of getting hurt? Am I only friends with people who are less than ideal because to have more than that is too open myself up to getting hurt? Is that why I keep everyone at an arms length? Is that OK??

Originally Posted by kallinite

I can sympathize with you feel. I have a lot of trouble trusting people and that has been a problem for me in therapy.

I've been told that my expectations are too high and that I am too critical of people's flaws (including my own), so I don't know if my reaction was inappropriate or if she really was a space cadet. Could you try talking to your T about it? Maybe it is something you could work through together.

Kallinite I too am very skeptical of people's true intentions. I am also critical of other people's flaws (including my own) so I can relate. I'm going to talk to my T about it - as scary as it is for me.

Originally Posted by WePow

Geez, it is true that a therapist is a person. And it is ok to not like certain things about them. But it is the same as any relationship - we have to allow some room for them to be a human.

The trick is to recognize how much help we are getting from T as a professional. They are not a friend, so we don't have to like them. But if

Thank you WePow for the reminder that T's are really just people. I'm notoriously not allowing room for people to be human in my life - hence the lack of close relationships in my life.

I am learning from my T and I think I'm going to take a risk and have faith that this is just a bump in the road ... until other information points me into another direction.

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

Geez, I get the sense as i read your post that theres not a whole lot of feeling "contained and held" in your therapy? I know for me it was important to know its me that says when therapy is over, the option for long term was there if I needed it.

Melbadaze yes you are right about not feeling "contained and held". In the beginning I felt like I was to some degree but now I don't - perhaps I'm just being needy?? - or I'm scared to need her so It's safer for me to push her away.

Originally Posted by Eileen2010

Is T helping you? Are you moving forward at all? maybe you need someone else to take you the rest of the way on your journey?

T in general has been really helpful and I have come a long way since I started seeing T. I'm not sure about continuing my journey with another T . For now I will have faith in my current T - even though I don't really like her right now. - I think

Originally Posted by sunrise

"I've notice lately that blah blah blah--are you OK?"

If I felt that I was not OK, I would tell my T, "I really don't feel OK, but I'm interested in why you think that. Can you tell me why you thought that?" It's interesting to hear his perceptions.

If I refer to something I said at a previous session and he sits there looking at me blankly, I may ask him, "I think I mentioned this earlier, is this ringing a bell at all? Should I keep going?" Sometimes there are things that I felt were really significant that it seems my T has forgotten. On the other hand, sometimes there are things my T recalls months and months later with incredible detail and this makes me feel really good.

Sometimes my T "recalls" things about me that are not true, LOL.

I am not sure you are being overly critical, but I think you are being "underly communicative" about this stuff with your T.

And when she makes an interpretation that doesn't really fit, can you tell her how things really are with you? Otherwise she won't learn how to help you better. Plus, it would be interesting for you to learn what has lead her to these incorrect observations.

Sunrise, thank you so much for your talking points! I have problems with speaking about things that are uncomfortable / feelings etc.. so I will be memorizing what you wrote .

Communication is a BIG problem for me. I can write all day long but speak - part of what I'm working on in T

There are some things my T remembers and I'm shocked that she does remember. There are other times she doesn't remember things and I feel hurt. I guess from what everyone is posting it's ok for T to not be perfect but it's about the whole of the experience that matters. We only get out of therapy what we put into it.

Many thanks!

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by geez

I would agree with wanting to punish her by leaving her. I feel very strongly about distancing myself from her so I won't get hurt.

Am I with my husband because he is safe? Because I don't feel such a strong emotional attachment to him (I've always liked him like a friend and I do love him but not a huge animal attraction kind of love). Does that mean I only choose people who are 'safe'? people whom I like enough but anyone I like more than enough I push away for fear of getting hurt? Am I only friends with people who are less than ideal because to have more than that is too open myself up to getting hurt? Is that why I keep everyone at an arms length? Is that OK??

Bingo!! You are really, really on to something here!!

What you just described does happen and I think that you are spot on. I'll bet your husband is safe and I'll also bet that you can get closer to him as you continue to do your work.

This is what I discovered about myself. I complained that I didn't have any close friends and then I started becoming more aware of what was really going on. I discovered that when a person was the type who I could become intimate with - I ran! I worked on this then. I would stop and cope with my fears and pursue these people. The best way to decrease your fears is to face them (carefully of course! and in a measured and aware way). I am able to have close friends now and I continue to work on my fears whenever they come up.

I also have been very proud of being different. Well guess what I discovered? I used being different to keep people back! I still like being different but now I don't use it to keep people away.