ugh

I had session yesterday and felt like we didn't do much. But if how I'm feeling today has anything to say about it, something was getting done. I know that most people see their Ts once a week. And I should be happy that I have enough money this year to keep seeing her. But right now I really just want to see her sooner than next week.

Does anyone ever have something that is bugging them all week, and they think that they should talk about, but then you can't get yourself to talk about it during session? Ugh.

YES.

Sometimes at the next session I will say "there's something I want to talk about but I can't get myself to bring it up". T will help me. He might ask me to talk about the easiest part of the hard thing I can't bring up, or to try to say one word. He thinks it's really important to not leave me with things bouncing around in my head, so he will even suggest I write it down and put it in my box and he doesn't even have to read it.

Can you ask T for help? It's awful to feel stuck with something like that.

oh, googley. YES. Just about every week, actually.
I also hate the can't-wait-til-next-week feeling. It sucks.

That used to happen to me an awful lot in therapy, but I was so miserable that I forced myself to talk about whatever it was that I couldn't talk about. Often I would bring it up about 5 minutes before we had to stop, so I wouldn't have to say much. Or, I wouldn't say it but I would call as soon as I got home and tell my T on the phone what I couldn't say.

Through the years I became braver. I don't know how it happened. I wish I did so I could help you. I think I just realized that the misery of not telling T was worse than that of gritting my teeth and telling her. I'm talking about a few Ts here, not getting comfortable with one for years and years. When I saw my last T, I told her whatever I needed to, and I do that with my current T.

If I can't say something now, I email it. In the past, sometimes I'd write it down but maybe I'd spend the whole session not talking.

My advice is, other than emailing or calling so T knows what the subject is, is to start right at the beginning of the session and say, "I have to talk about something but I can't." Then T will help you to talk.

I know it's hard. I hope you can tell T next week, or sooner by phone or email.

I do the "I have something that's been bothering me but I can't bring myself to talk about it" thing too. It works pretty well to sort of trick me into talking about it. Talking about it being hard to talk is a great and valuable use of therapy time.

I'm better about this now, but it's excruciating at first to say those words -- "I want to talk about something, but it is too hard to talk about." If you can get JUST those words out of your mouth, the rest of the session usually flows just right. It's almost like a cue for a T to gently search for the thing that's troubling you.

I put it in an e-mail or text my T when that happens (She has just recently put in place boundaries to limit/stop my texting... - because I'm using the easy way out instead of talking to her face)
Now the last mail I sent her, she's making me print it out and bring it to my next session.
It was all about what was on my mind at that time. Stuff that's too deep for me to talk about, and now she's forcing me to... it makes me anxious.

Googley, yes that was true for me, but lately as my relationship with T has got more intimate, the strenght to say the things that I could never say has grown, its like the feeling of not being emorionally honest is to painful now, more painful then It is to say intimate or scary things, its like I can't bear all the defensive stuff now, I am almost bLeeding to be real and honeat, but its about time and trust.

Yes. and YES! I'll email the stuff I can't say face to face (like CSA details) then we will talk about it in session. She will bring it up. I have pulled out a notebook and written things I can't say. My T is always really validating anytime I share, and that helps, but it is SO hard to share because I feel so ashamed.

Hi Googley,

This happens to me too. But mostly it's because I have so much that I want to talk about. Each thing seems to take center stage so I choose one, then leave and think, "omg, I can't believe I didn't talk about this other thing... ack, what am I going to do?"

I envy all of you who are able to send your Ts emails. My T does not allow emails. And she wont push me to talk about anything. She says that it is up to me to decide what we talk about. It was interesting though, the other session when I had called her between sessions with a worry, she did bring it up at the beginning of session. I just don't think I could even leave this on her voice mail. It is too scary. It makes me just want to hide.

Instead of mailing, maybe write it in a "letter" and take it to your next session. Let her read the letter at the start of the session and ask her if she can guide the conversation.