What if your therapist is attached?

haha. NO, I don't think shes attached. I just needed a title that would kinda make this thread make some type of coherent sense...I don't think shes attached... I just think that its crazy that she is letting me pay her 20 dollars to come see her. Her average price is 75 but, she works on a sliding scale. My parents didn't want me in therapy so the only way I could go is if I paid for it myself. Well, I'm a college student with a job with hardly any hours...so I can see how she has mercy but, I feel like she must really believe that she can help me if she is willing to charge me almost nothing, 20 dollars for her services...every time I visit. but, sometimes I want to quit..just because she is so gifted at finding the pain in me...at triggering it... she digs for it and then I wind up depressed a lot...but, even on days I'd like to quit she has this way of making me feel hopeful, like I need to wait...but, she is sooo gifted at making us both connect at such a deep level, is she was more "clinical" in the sense, like more uptight, it'd be a lot easier for me not to get attached too but, she makes it hard for me, i feel independent but, then she is extremley empathetic and just has this way of digging deep into who I am... making me feel more attached, even though I wasn't before...i don't know, a lot of times I want to quit because she just has this way of tugging at the core of me, at my heart...and not just the surface...she could have easily said, (my original payment was 40) she could have easily said, well, you can't pay...I'll see you next time, when you get more money...but, she didn't and it really makes me curious why? does she really think she can help me? or will she give up on me soon? i guess we'll just have to find out!

she cares and obviously it's not about the money. I have been with my therapist for along long time and there was a time when we had so little money and I got behind paying her. I was in debt for $3,000+ and I kept asking her if she was going to make quit. Her answer to me was that I would pay her when I could and she was not that concerned about it...well I did finish my college degree and got a great job. I have since paid her back. But never once did she make an issue of it

while i was a poor grad student a super fabulous therapist let me see her for $10/session. i didnt have insurance or anything! and did i mention she was awesome? she was! she was great at reframing and i try to channel her when i work with clients...

Jazzy, your therapist sounds great! I am so happy that you have her. It is hard to believe that someone would be nice to you? Can it be scary that she can "reach" you?

Jazzy, Though you've made a joke of the title you choose for this thread, I'm wondering if there isn't some fear that perhaps this therapists feelings toward you are feeling a bit scary? that she must have another motive for the way she is toward you and perhaps you feel that her motive maybe a little "sinister"? I notice you mention your independent, perhaps you feel you may have to surrender that to continue to recieve the level of care your recieving from her now? All I can say is she sounds very much like my own T but I do know that she feels I am worth the commitement because I am keen to do the work, perhaps your doing the work is what she sees and wants to do her best for you??

I'm glad for you that you have such a kind and empathetic T. I too am scared of the attachment with a T...

You are very fortunate!! What a great therapist and good therapy you have. She must think you are worth this gift, but ... it makes you uncomfortable in a way. And it makes you think there is a limit to her kindness. Have you and she talked about the reduced fee and if there is a time limit?

Celebrate your good fortune!

Dr.Muffin shares something that I feel is vital to this post. It has taken me years to be able to understand what happens with maturity (getting older helps with this I think - hee hee). But my T gave me the insight when I asked him why he was so willing to help me out and go "beyond the call of duty" with me.

He said that his "investment" in me is two-fold. First, it is to help ME heal - to help me find what he feels I was cheated out of in life - to be able to show me what kindness, compassion, and grace looked like.

But the other reason was because he said he could see in me a willingness to give back to others. He said his T saw the same thing in him. He described it as ripples in the pond. He said that his helping me out is going to help out many others because I will pass on the healing energy and time - such as what we all do here on PC.

Those of us here are not as selfish as we sometimes feel we are on the inside (or as others told us we were). We are here trying (often in spite of our own pain) to help our fellow man out and offer support. When we do that, our therapist are here with us. We get a breakthrough in session and the first thing many of us want to do is share on PC. We think things like "Zoo would love this!" or "Jexa was saying the same thing!" That is what happens when the T invests themselves into our healing.

Jazzy, I understand how hard it can be emotionally to accept the kindness in situations this way. There are so many things inside the mind that question the motives of T or question our worthiness to benifit from the kindness of others. I get it because even knowing what I do that I just said above, I still get floored by things like my T today going out of his way in a big way just to see me. So for now, just open your heart and revieve this gift from your T. And it is OK to still feel the urge to not be in therapy, to sometimes hate T, and to go through all the things a person goes through with the T relationship. Just because your T is giving you a break with the money right now does not mean you owe it to T to change your emotions about therapy. Hope that makes sense in some way.

Just realize that T most likely sees a beautiful you that is going to be in this world as a healthy and happy person - and one able to help others. You may not see it at the time, but how can a rose bud still green ever see that they will one day be the envy of the garden? But the gardener knows ;-)

WePow, that was a beautiful post.

I am at the breaking point, where I feel like I must ask her how long will she let me pay 20 dollars, what does she see in me, that she wants to keep helping me? Her feelings don't scare me as much as mine do. when someone is that kind to me, it makes me more attached...its easy to stay unattached to people who keep a distance but, i feel more comfortable having a distance with people. not to say, shes not great or anything or i'm not grateful cuz I am! perhaps I am willing to do the work, I guess, I don't really know???

Thanks for the post! it encourages me to ask her why she is going "beyond the call of duty" herself,....I'm going to build up the courage to ask next week in session and see what she says. I love the gardener analogy btw! thanks again.

Sometimes the "kindness" of others derives from their immature need to be loved. That can happen even if the "other" is a T. Sometimes.

OK, I will go away once more, misanthrope (or worse*) that I am "known" to be, hoping to avoid the attacks.

* Could even be admitting to outright fear! That would be scary, wouldn't it?

One of the reasons I picked my current T is that she was listed as a therapist for a non-profit. Turns out she's not still doing that work, but she loved working there. She also told me that she worked at a private school at the same time, in order to afford doing the non-profit work.

I think YOU will benefit from asking the question "How can you afford to see me for only $20 a session?" It's bugging you, and it's a valid business question.

Her answer may be that she has plenty of full-fare clients to balance out her income.
The fact that you are willing to do the work, that's a motivation for a therapist to keep working with you! You are investing your time and energy into the process. Most T's find it very rewarding to work with a client who is working hard, and it may be a valid trade-off for your T to take less money to help a "starving student".
But Pachy does have an interesting point, and I'm sure there are T's like that - but not likely in your case

I think this is a great suggestion. I have a friend who has a son who was seeing a therapist for only $10 a session. My friend felt unsure, until the therapist told her what part of town she lived in, how many other clients she sees for full fee, and that she could afford it and wanted to do it. That put my friend at ease, and they were able to move forward with the therapy (which was SO beneficial for her son, and which she couldn't have afforded otherwise).

Many therapists have a certain number of slots for reduced-fee clients. When I couldn't afford therapy recently, my therapist started seeing me for a reduced fee...he *doesn't* have reduced-fee slots, and I was the first client he had done that for. It took a lot of talking back and forth for both of us to feel comfortable with it, but we were able to come to a point that was acceptable and comfortable for both of us. I think if we hadn't talked until we were BOTH okay with the situation, it would have affected my therapy for sure (in the end, my insurance ended up paying for the sessions, so it wasn't necessary to reduce the fee after all).

If ANYTHING about therapy makes you uncomfortable, it's important to bring it up.

(((Pachy))) I am sure that is a part of the reason some T's do what they do. Perhaps even my own. But that can only carry so far - and it is often transparent.

Jazzy, ask your T. I asked mine today! He told me he saw me because he cared. And he knew I needed him. You know what, I believe him. And that is me allowing myself to believe that I am worthy enough for someone to love and care about in a healthy way. And it is big. So yes, ask your T and allow yourself to recieve the gift of human kindness.

Fear of intimacy? I had to work through this..........

Concerning the issue of why a therapist would see someone for a reduced fee, many people work for reasons other than money. Heck, in my volunteer work I do it for free! We have a massage therapist who also sees clients for reduced fees because she wants to make the world a better place, just like many therapists do.

Except that being a good therapist just like being a good parent means that sometimes your client (and child) get upset with you. This takes all the fun out of it if you are doing it just to be loved because sometimes that get mad at you (especially when the anger from the past gets directed at the therapist).............

Sometimes, I think, some people are doing it not for the fun, but out of their own unsatisfied needs.

I know, you do not want to hear me any more about wounded therapists. I guess I had one, and did not know that such things existed, and was almost destroyed. It still affects me.

I think this man's colleagues basically defended him (not me), not wanting to admit that such a thing was possible, not wanting to deal with it. Such things do happen. Not all in "authority" are secure enough to know how to deal with difficulties of this kind, since that is not a skill much practiced in this society. That's my take on it, anyway.

YEAH... i've been in therapy about 7 months and never brought it up to her. guess i will soon. in 2 days! thanks sannah

Pachy, I can identify with your pain in a different context though.
it didn't happen to me in a therapist setting...when people don't want to admit to the mistakes they have made. and you are right, not all authority is secure enough to know about difficulties... think about how different governments are run! I haven't seen peace on this earth yet, let me know if you have though! lol. seriously. its hard...but, every person, no matter if they are a therapist, a teacher, a social worker, a parent, a doctor... ever person is fragmented and flawed,... our hope is that we connect with people who are less flawed than others so that we don't end up as wounded in the process... what happened to you was wrong but, just like there is good and evil out there in the world... if you experienced something so bad, you've got to know something better is out there too...life is a combination of opposites, love and hate, suffering and joy...just like people, have hope that maybe you just haven't found that opposite yet! good luck to you!

Yes, out of bad can come good -- if you survive! Sometimes that seems unlikely. There has to be a better way. Sometimes I think that therapy in these times is like the old days of physical medicine, where they had to perform surgery before there were anesthetics. You took your chances, "bit the bullet" and tried to survive. Many times you did not.