[jazzy123456]

I accidently posted this in the romantic feelings with therapist section...but, that DOES NOT pertain to me, I meant to post this thread right here.

/wait...maybe not pass out./ the chest pain just hurts. feels like I'm going to die. I hear some ppl feel that right before a panic attack. I've had one of those before but, I don't think thats what this is..I suck at waiting for appointments, especially when your last appointment didn't go well. and when you needed to email she didn't respond when you asked for a response. makes me feel like a horrible person but, only so far, because I know I can't jump to assumptions as to why shes not responding, without talking to her...theres so many things and so many conflicts stored up inside of me between her and I... reminds me of my real life and how I usually bottle things in with people...I AVOID conflict and thats the opposite of what therapy is and thats why it feels like its killing me...to have to wait...till next week for an appointment, and its over the phone...
I've been distracting myself...but, my chest constantly hurts...

what do you do when you have to wait for a next appointment?
how do you handle it?
whats worked best for you? because I am distracted but,
the chest pain won't go away. its painful and I feel it won't go away until I talk with her.

I'm use to avoiding conflict, this is tearing me up inside.

[ECHOES]

It is so hard to wait when feeling anxious. What if you wrote down your thoughts and feelings so you have them concretely and safely placed on paper so you don't have to hold on tightly to them anymore?

Sometimes I could do no more than just veg out in front of the tv for hours between appointments. Sometimes I wrote a lot. Sometimes I called T and left messages. Sometimes I would imagine what the next session would be like.
Somewhere along the way, I learned to sit with the feelings most of the time. I think when I learned I would not lose my thoughts and that T would be there, as planned.

Writing, just free-association writing is still something I enjoy doing.

I hope you feel better soon!

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

I suck at waiting for appointments, especially when your last appointment didn't go well.

and when you needed to email she didn't respond when you asked for a response.

makes me feel like a horrible person but,

theres so many things and so many conflicts stored up inside of me between her and I...

reminds me of my real life and how I usually bottle things in with people...

I AVOID conflict and thats the opposite of what therapy is and thats why it feels like its killing me....

What do you think that she is thinking?

[geez]

((((Jazzy)))) I can so relate to not being open and shutting down when there is conflict. It can be painful to fight that feeling of shutting down. Journaling I find to be helpful or just sending T an email. Hope you find some peace of mind and comfort.

(((((((((jazzy))))))))))

Are you feeling any better today?

When I have that kind of anxiety about T, I find that it kind of comes in waves...and that's it's the worst right after I see him, kind of quiets down, and then ramps back up right before my appointment.

I used to have A LOT of trouble between T appts....I've never been in therapy before, and never even kind of CONSIDERED telling anyone the things I was getting ready to tell him. I played a lot of guitar hero (a LOT - I ended up being "famous" among my sons' friends because I could beat ANYONE - lol), and I colored a lot of mandalas. The guitar hero kept my mind distracted, and the mandalas gave me a chance to kind of space out and be calm.

Do you have anything you like to do to distract yourself??

[jazzy123456]

'I have had constant chest pain since I've posted this...and i truly don't think it will go away...until I talk with her but, I've basically been using MOVIES to distract me, because even if I'm not paying complete attention to the plot, it allows me to zone out without thinking about it, i can just stare at the screen at some points and when I'm ready to think, I find myself intrigued by the movie again and I plan on Journaling. Thanks for the comments

--Sannah, I just think that my 'T' is dishonest, not in an unethical way but, in a...
I have to have unconditional positive regard and not tell you how I truly feel, because that is my job...its obvious. so we'll just have a lot to talk about over the phone when the time comes. I can barely wrap my mind around it, really.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

'I have had constant chest pain since I've posted this...and i truly don't think it will go away...until I talk with her but, I've basically been using MOVIES to distract me, because even if I'm not paying complete attention to the plot, it allows me to zone out without thinking about it, i can just stare at the screen at some points and when I'm ready to think, I find myself intrigued by the movie again and I plan on Journaling. Thanks for the comments

--Sannah, I just think that my 'T' is dishonest, not in an unethical way but, in a...
I have to have unconditional positive regard and not tell you how I truly feel, because that is my job...its obvious. so we'll just have a lot to talk about over the phone when the time comes. I can barely wrap my mind around it, really.

It's typical to have physicalal reactions to stressful situations (although it's certainly wise to check to see if there are any physiological things going on)...I'm glad that you're finding ways to give yourself a break from the anxiety. I know it's hard to do...(( hugs ))

[Sannah]

So Jazzy, you think that your T thinks terrible things about you then? This is what is causing your chest pain?

[jazzy123456]

Thanks MixedupEmotions

Something like that, Sannah, I mean yes--to answer your question but, its more then just that...I feel misunderstood by her, like a lot of the things she thinks about me arent true...becuz when I get in that room, something about me changes...I'm different...and a lot of who I am she can't see because of that and if she could, maybe she'd be able to help me better... i mean maybe?

[Sannah]

Zooropa has a thread right now "T teaching me a lesson" have you read it? In it she talks about finding that her therapist will be up front with her and that she doesn't have to think that her therapist has a hidden agenda like most of the significant people in her past had. Healthy people don't hide things. Dysfunctional people do hide things.