How to stop letting what others stay stick in your head? HELP!

a thought, distressed-my T suggested this one to me...when i exit from an uncomfortable verbal exchange, i tell the person that i need to leave the room, etc because i am not enjoying my time with them. tell them/her you hope next time things will be more pleasant. then leave. use the "I" word rather than pointing it at the other person. you are empowered cause you have expressed that you aren't comfortable under the circumstances. this leaves her with no defense and the finger is not pointed at you. in other words you are not "giving them the baton". it difuses her power.

When your BIL gets you upset do you feel like you are in a power struggle with him?

It sounds like your sister is bullying you. I teach a bully program www.bullies2buddies.com and it really works. In this program you can reply back to the person in your scenario "okay, you think my butt is fat, you are totally welcome to have your opinion" and "you see a zit, okay, if this is what you see, fine". People bully because they are getting a reaction out of you and this is very enjoyable for them. Don't give them that reaction and they will stop because the fun is totally taken out of the exchange. The key is to not get upset and by responding in these various ways you don't get upset and you therefore, don't give them what they really want.

Why do such people need to bother you?

I think it is because they are so uncertain themselves...

They said it. What did your mind say to you, inside? They may be right, they must be right? But some others (here) are telling you, maybe not. You have some allies here.

Sometimes, if you can keep your own understanding inside your mind, you don't have to immediately react to what others are doing. Then if you can do that (not necessarily easy) you can choose how to respond (outside) to what others are doing, and not feel forced.

Thanks Madisgram but my sister is a whole different thing. Today we had a fight because i was trying to tell her about a comment her husband passed in front of 8 guests we had over and that I felt insulted and hurt.

And she totatlly started attacking me and saying things like
so what the hell do you think, he should say sorry to you?

Like i never even said, tell him to say sorry, she just starts attacking, you can't even talk to her, no normal conversation... she's always been like this.

if you express anything, she'll say So what? you think...

or I was trying to comment on his behaviro and I said "theres a big difference between arrogance and confidence.." before i even finished what i was trying to convey, she said, SO YOU"RE TELLING ME I"M NOT CONFIDENT?WOWW>... YOU ARE NOT CONFIDENT SAM.

Do you see what happened here? 1. i wasn't done saying what i had to say so the message wasn't even completed. 2. i wasn't talking about her. 3. she totally changed the subject.

Most times if i say, I felt hurt when you said XYZ... she'll totally blow up and say "OMG. you're crazy! I WAS JUST KIDDING, YOU ALWAYS WANT TO FIGHT DO THIS DO THAT... blah blah and blah.." i can't take her anymore, just dont know how to deal with her.

So don't deal with her. Sometimes people are the way they are and if you get tangled up with them it will only drive you crazy. When I see a person who has "trouble" written all over them I keep my distance from them because it will be nothing BUT trouble.

It seems that you want a decent sister and this is a very good want BUT when you don't have what you want you have to know when to stop banging your head on the wall trying to get them to be what you want.

The same with wanting her husband to change. That is a big order.......

At least for the time being.