[emilyjeanne]

I just deleted my post.

I think I've been triggered by something here. I will repost this after I figure out things.

[The Poet]

Hm. I don't know if you are referring to me. However, perhaps, it is the fact that "new" people have joined and it is not the same people posting constantly. If you look at the forum, there is alot of the same people, so when "new" people come, of course they have different opinions.

I never said therapy was crap. My position has been that we are the therapist's job, when many seem to want to believe that they are "part of the therapist's life." T's care in the boundaries and how their job allows for it. If they cared the way many of you want, they would call when you are sick, they would allow constant contact, they would want to be with you "outside of the therapy space."

Therapy works because our dreams and fears and wishes and needs appear. But the JOB of the therapist is to work through those things, so we come out healthier and not needing to see a T anymore.

I was amazed when I joined that so many people think there T "cares" outside the title of their JOB. And the easiest way to realize this is to think in terms of $$. If you had no-more for along time, your T would stop seeing you. Because we are their job, that they care about, but none-the-less, the job. Thats all I think.

[emilyjeanne]

I wasn't talking about you. I think that there has been alot of new people and I think I was triggered.

In fact, I like everything you have ever said in a post!

I deleted my post because I realized that I was being triggered by something and I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

So I will figure out what has made me upset and will discuss it later when I'm not so raw.

P.S. Today is an anniversary of a trauma and I think I'm just overracting to everything and anything.

[rainbow8]

Maybe I'm responsible for starting a thread that got over 1000 views and 60 replies. Emilyjeanne, I hope you post what you're feeling and thinking.

Poet, I think you're very perceptive, and in this post I understand you better. I basically agree with you, but there is a grey area you're missing. My T told me, to answer your question in another thread, that if I couldn't pay we would work something out. This is a second career for her, and I don't think she needs the money that badly, though I am guessing. Her husband has a good job. My former T, who was much less warm than my current t, did indeed call me when I was sick!! I'm sure my current one would also.

But these points are not the point! The point is that you are right but so is everyone else. There isn't one answer. It's not black or white.

emilyjeanne, maybe it's the need for a lot of us to PROVE we are right to those who disagree. It's something we haven't had too much on PC, though I haven't been here long enough to really know. The arguing isn't what PC is all about. We can all state our opinion without acting like we have THE definitive answer, though we may think we do. PC is about helping each other. I started that thread because I know it's not a black or white issue, and because I was triggered by those who think it IS. Of course, since I'm in therapy, and we all are, we have our issues. I WISH my T were really part of my life, and I was part of hers, but I know what the reality is.

Anyway, I don't know if Poet is correct or not, as to what is bothering you but I think it's good that we are discussing this and I hope more people will respond.

[Brightheart]

Poet, there is something in this that has to do with you or you wouldn't be having such a strong response to how others' felt.

I've been a member here for 2 years, but haven't been around much lately. I'm on break from school, though, and so have had some more time to post.

[rainbow8]

oops, I goofed then, emilyjeanne. Can we still continue what Poet and I started in this thread? Or start a new thread, Poet?

[The Poet]

Originally Posted by Brightheart

Poet, there is something in this that has to do with you or you wouldn't be having such a strong response to how others' felt.

I've been a member here for 2 years, but haven't been around much lately. I'm on break from school, though, and so have had some more time to post.

Actually, you are incorrect. And if you see my recent post in the other thread, you will see my point. This place is the same over and over. As you said, you have been here 2 years. Before I posted, I watched and it is the same people that post over and over. If someone "new" presents a different opinion, it is like the world is shattered.

If there are no differences in thought, there is no evaluating or questioning the process.

I was shocked to see the number of people that believe their therapist "cares" about them in a way that is not affiliated with their job. It is striking, and I ask -- in the other post -- if you stopped trying to get that caring from T and focus on your current relationships which many seem to have (family, husbands, kids, etc.) what then? Might not they be better?
A T is a JOB, your family is not.

[Brightheart]

One idea behind therapy is to learn from the relationship so you can eventually apply those lessons to your other relationships.

[WePow]

(((((((((((((((EJ)))))))))))))) Just so you know that I am thinking about you and sending you tons of safe hugs. I am sorry that today is what it is for you.

[pegasus]

Sorry to be off topic for a second folks but I noticed this comment...

Originally Posted by The Poet

I was amazed when I joined that so many people think there T "cares" outside the title of their JOB. And the easiest way to realize this is to think in terms of $$. If you had no-more for along time, your T would stop seeing you. Because we are their job, that they care about, but none-the-less, the job. Thats all I think.

That's your opinion!

Being a T is much more than a job. I've been here a real long time. Being a T is my life and no it is not about money. I offer my support here every single day because I love to support people. For me, it's a way of being.

[PreacherHeckler]

Poet, in another post a few weeks ago, you stated that you are 19 years old and had a family for only four years and you wished your T could adopt you. So yes, this is in some ways about your own struggles. And it's also about being 19, whereas some of us are much older and have had numerous life experiences and a lot of therapy that taught us to see things differently.
Perhaps instead of trying to negate other people's experiences while insisting that you are only trying to present a different viewpoint, you could focus more on your own feelings about being deprived of a loving family. That's a good place to begin your own healing journey and I'm sure you'd get a lot of support from people here who are also struggling to deal with their own feelings about being deprived of something that should be every child's birthright.

I'm finding all these does t care about me threads very triggering. I personally believe that t cares about me very much and I feel like people are trying to convince me otherwise. Maybe we could all just accept each others views and not really talk about it anymore?

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry these types of threads are triggering for you, katlover. I agree with part of what you said: I think we should accept each other's views. However, I don't think we "should" stop talking about it. Maybe these threads, like the one I started, should have a trigger on it. I will do that in the future. But, this is the forum to discuss our therapy, and obviously, the topic of Ts caring or not caring, etc. is very important to a lot of us! If it's triggering, just like any thread, you don't have to read it. I think that anything within the rules of PC is all right to talk about.

So, I think we need to all do what you suggested--accept one another's views, and realize that therapy is different for each of us. Many of us have a problem with validation, myself included. But it's therapeutic to realize that just because we have different opinions, it doesn't mean I'm right and the other person isn't. It's not black or white. I think we all need another group hug.

[zooropa]

for everyone. I find this topic a little triggering, too, but not as much as I did a year ago. I agree that being accepting and tolerant of other ideas and opinions is vital to making this a safe place. I also agree that people who want and need to continue to explore these concepts should feel free to do so. I think we all just need to remember that our own feelings, while they may be true for us, aren't necessarily true for everyone or anyone else. And our own truth is still true, even if someone disagrees.

for me it has been a process of learning to trust my t and to trust that I am a real person to her, not just a client or a job but a real person. My t is also a real person, and it would be impossible to sit across from someone for so many hours and to hear their story and witness their struggles and growth without developing feelings towards that person.

[ECHOES]

There are many types of therapies, many kinds of therapists, and many ways of caring.

[emilyjeanne]

Everyone thanks for your replies. I do enjoy reading everyone's posts. Even the ones that I might not agree with.

I took some time to reflect what had triggered me and it really had nothing to do with anyone here. I had read a post that normally wouldn't have bothered me it was the one about people being in therapy for years. Me myself I have been in therapy for a very long time. I just felt like it was an attack on my therapy. But taking a step back and also taking a nap. I realized that I'm particularly sensitive today because of a past trauma, my T is out on vacation and I'm just treading water.

After I wrote the post, I deleted it almost immediately. Because I realized that it could cause a negative response. Unfortunately I wasn't quick enough.

I want everyone to post what is on their mind. New and old. Good and Bad.

[emilyjeanne]

Originally Posted by WePow

(((((((((((((((EJ)))))))))))))) Just so you know that I am thinking about you and sending you tons of safe hugs. I am sorry that today is what it is for you.

Thanks. I'm feeling better now. Taking a nap really helps sometimes.

[emilyjeanne]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

oops, I goofed then, emilyjeanne. Can we still continue what Poet and I started in this thread? Or start a new thread, Poet?

Continue away.

[Kacey2]

Hi this is for Poet.

Poet what would it mean if your t cared about you? It is hard to actually ask questions on here and do it where one can see that it is caring and gentle. So let me just be clear that that is how I want this question to come accross ok? ()

I also want to be clear that I specifically didn't post this on the other thread because that one is just too 'charged' right now.

I personally tell myself that my t cares because it wasn't getting me anywhere in therapy by believing that he didn't. In fact it was very counterproductive. Poet I am relatively new on this site as well and I have had many posts agonizing about hating t, not trusting t proccess etc. (And I still do struggle with those thoughts!) But I also had to ask myself what was so painful about t caring for me? Why was it safer to invest in it not being real, not being more than a $$.

Poet two of your prior posts really touched me because I saw a glimpse of your pain when you said that you have not had a real family. I felt that because I have also came from a background of outrageous dysfunction (not a family at all) and also when you agreed with me that if you could have anything it would be for your t to adopt you. That was my wish too. I think that connects us at some level.

If t's don't care we can't get hurt anymore right? If we don't feel emotions or are not vulnerable there is no chance at feeling more pain. Lord knows we have felt enough. The only downside to that is a big one. Vulnerability and emotions are a part of being human. And being human is about connection. Poet can you join me in this gut wrenching exploration of pain, loss, healing, love? I don't want to do it alone.

[Gus1234U]

about 4 or 5 months ago, when i was new to PC, i read all the posts of people idolizing their therapists, and wanting to see them all the time, and trusting their judgement over one's own,, and all the kinds of things people do who have been raked over and abused,,, and i wrote a post called "Not a Therapist Worshipper",, for which i was visciously attacked by dozens of people, and few who even acknowledged that such opinions as mine even had the right to exist. so,,, i have mixed feelings reading this thread, that somehow it was said in a way that was acceptable to the community,, that it is being discussed and validated, when i wasn't ... but it is still a good topic to be brought up for those new to therapy, it's a pitfall to watch out for,, a natural hazzard of the emotionally needy... thanks for talking about it ... Gus

Originally Posted by Gus1234U

,,, and i wrote a post called "Not a Therapist Worshipper",, for which i was visciously attacked by dozens of people, and few who even acknowledged that such opinions as mine even had the right to exist. so,,, i have mixed feelings reading this thread, that somehow it was said in a way that was acceptable to the community,, that it is being discussed and validated, when i wasn't ... but it is still a good topic to be brought up for those new to therapy, it's a pitfall to watch out for,, a natural hazzard of the emotionally needy... thanks for talking about it ... Gus

Gus, I understand. I was attempting to respond to a thread tonight when it disappeared. I think it may have been removed, but I commented about something similar.

Personally, I am glad to see other people have less than perfect therapy experiences, it makes mine seem more normal. I am thankful for the very positive ones too...those make me hopeful!

Thank you emilyjeanne for your thread. I am glad you were able to sort it out and recognize another posters' comments were not a personal "attack on your therapy". Your processing after your nap was very insightful. Thank you for sharing.

[The Poet]

Originally Posted by PreacherHeckler

Poet, in another post a few weeks ago, you stated that you are 19 years old and had a family for only four years and you wished your T could adopt you. So yes, this is in some ways about your own struggles. And it's also about being 19, whereas some of us are much older and have had numerous life experiences and a lot of therapy that taught us to see things differently.
Perhaps instead of trying to negate other people's experiences while insisting that you are only trying to present a different viewpoint, you could focus more on your own feelings about being deprived of a loving family. That's a good place to begin your own healing journey and I'm sure you'd get a lot of support from people here who are also struggling to deal with their own feelings about being deprived of something that should be every child's birthright.

Hm. I dont think I am trying to negate other people's experiences anymore than people negate mine when everyone shouts "my T cares, my T calls, my T would see me for free, etc." What is the difference?

Why is it that my opinion is negating, when everyone else's is not?

Actually, it's fine now that I think of this. Take care.

[The Poet]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

Hi this is for Poet.

Poet what would it mean if your t cared about you? It is hard to actually ask questions on here and do it where one can see that it is caring and gentle. So let me just be clear that that is how I want this question to come accross ok? ()

I also want to be clear that I specifically didn't post this on the other thread because that one is just too 'charged' right now.

I personally tell myself that my t cares because it wasn't getting me anywhere in therapy by believing that he didn't. In fact it was very counterproductive. Poet I am relatively new on this site as well and I have had many posts agonizing about hating t, not trusting t proccess etc. (And I still do struggle with those thoughts!) But I also had to ask myself what was so painful about t caring for me? Why was it safer to invest in it not being real, not being more than a $$.

Poet two of your prior posts really touched me because I saw a glimpse of your pain when you said that you have not had a real family. I felt that because I have also came from a background of outrageous dysfunction (not a family at all) and also when you agreed with me that if you could have anything it would be for your t to adopt you. That was my wish too. I think that connects us at some level.

If t's don't care we can't get hurt anymore right? If we don't feel emotions or are not vulnerable there is no chance at feeling more pain. Lord knows we have felt enough. The only downside to that is a big one. Vulnerability and emotions are a part of being human. And being human is about connection. Poet can you join me in this gut wrenching exploration of pain, loss, healing, love? I don't want to do it alone.

1. I am not saying T's dont care. Nor have I said that the relationship is not real. And I dont know why everyone keeps saying this is what I am stating.

2. I really can't comment on the rest right now.

Best of luck to you.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm sorry these types of threads are triggering for you, katlover. I agree with part of what you said: I think we should accept each other's views. However, I don't think we "should" stop talking about it. Maybe these threads, like the one I started, should have a trigger on it. I will do that in the future. But, this is the forum to discuss our therapy, and obviously, the topic of Ts caring or not caring, etc. is very important to a lot of us! If it's triggering, just like any thread, you don't have to read it. I think that anything within the rules of PC is all right to talk about.

So, I think we need to all do what you suggested--accept one another's views, and realize that therapy is different for each of us. Many of us have a problem with validation, myself included. But it's therapeutic to realize that just because we have different opinions, it doesn't mean I'm right and the other person isn't. It's not black or white. I think we all need another group hug.

Rainbow- I'm sorry I didn't come across with my point very well. I think I might have misstated it. Let me try to clarify. I have no problems with the threads of "does my t care". In fact I think its a relatively interesting topic. Whats triggering me is the pushyness of some people on their views. The threads feel argumentative to me. It makes me feel unsafe to share my view becuase I might get torn to shreds for holding that view. I understand it is an intense topic but I dont think people are being validating of everyones views and being supportive. In my mind support is the central function of PC and I feel some of these threads have strayed from that function and instead have become battlegrounds for whos view is superior. I hope that helps. I have no intention of upsetting anyone or pointing any fingers. I just wanted to share my feelings and views on the subject.

[Brightheart]

Originally Posted by The Poet

Hm. I dont think I am trying to negate other people's experiences anymore than people negate mine when everyone shouts "my T cares, my T calls, my T would see me for free, etc." What is the difference?

I think maybe a lot of us feel protective of our T relationships (even someone like me who isn't even in therapy anymore ). I never intended to negate your experiences and am very sorry if I ever came across that way. I don't think there is a right or a wrong in this...If the relationship is working as it is and you are healing within it, then this is a beautiful thing. All of us have our own views and feelings about just about everything. A good thing.