empty

so, what do you do when things are going well with your therapist, but you still feel empty when thinking about him/her?

i have a good relationship with my therapist of two years, but there is still something majorly missing for me as far as she goes. i don't know if it's because i still don't know too much about her, or if it's because i know i'm not really apart of her life, or what, but there's like this big lacking there. and it's not like she doesn't give me what i need - her time, her attention, her energy, her support, and even her love (she's expressed that she does love me). we hug on the regular now, so why do i feel so sad? i even have a voicemail from her from this morning, but even that isn't enough! i seem to want more more more. maybe this isn't about her, i don't know. just thought i'd throw a post out there, see if anyone had anything to say..

Gee, that's a tough one. I think it's probably about you since your T can't get in your head and heart to make you think or feel any particular way. I was struck though by how much you are trying to think or feel about your T instead of yourself and what brought you to therapy? I would ask your T what this is, discuss it with her.

Do you think the feeling is transference and that you are missing feeling good about someone in your life? That it's not about your T at all? I can relate because I used to always want more from my other Ts. Maybe it's something lacking in YOUR life, and not something your T can give you.

Can you bring this up with your T? Have you always felt this way about her or about other people? Wanting more? Is the empty feeling something new or has it always been with you?

You said you feel empty when thinking about her. I get it when you say it could be because you're not part of her life. That could make you sad. It's made me sad to know that my T and I can't be friends even though we get along so well. I like her better than most of my friends.

Is there something your T could do so you'd feel differently? A while back, you were going to ask her questions about herself. Did you ever do it? Maybe she seems like a stranger because you don't know much about her.

I hope you can pinpoint what the problem is.

thanks perna and rainbow. you both make good points, that perhaps it's not about her. maybe there's a small part of me that needs to make it about her (or about therapy), since i want to post here lol.

but really, i do think there's something that's not quite adding up for me right now. yes rainbow, i think on some level i've always felt this way because it seems to come and go. yes, i read her the list of (50!) questions, but wasn't really asking them. it was more of like, "here's what i wonder about you.." guess i chickened out. anyway, thanks again for trying to help. and for the hugs.

((((((((((((((((((78)))))))))))))))))))))

I know for me, when some of my needs start to get met, it's like all of the little parts inside wake up and start looking for all of THEIR needs to be met. And when we've never ever had our needs met, that's a LOT of needs.

The awareness of all of that neediness is painful for me. And it's like...there's T, and I can *almost* have them met....it feels so close to being possible...but it isn't. And then there is this grieving about what I didn't get and never CAN get.

And that sucks.

That may not ring true for you at all, but that's what your post reminded me of.

i dont really know what to say but wanted to reach out and send hugs glad to see you around

Is it something about your therapist, or something in you trying to be discovered. A need you haven't voiced before, or had words for before maybe. Or maybe a new longing for, or an increased awareness of what T is, and what T isn't?

Unless it's right after a really good session, I don't usually conjure up great feelings and a feeling of connection when I think of T. Quite the opposite sometimes, even after 4 years.

78 I too have felt this way at times. I wish I had more time to give a more well thought out response. I'm here

It's very hard - I only clicked with T after 6 months (I know you've been with your T for 2 years). I had to learn to ask what I needed; I had to feel in my heart that she cared and WAS there for me.
I think I got very hurt when I realised that I want too much from T. I wasn't going to be her child or best friend. The way she cared for me was going to be unique.
If I needed romantic love, I cannot expect her to fill that gap too. I'm going to have to satisfy that need myself. Realisations like that hit me hard

I don't think a T can totally fill that void for you. That being said, I don't know what can fill it either. I get an empty longing feeling to be connected, and it's something I am really working on trying to figure out.

I hope you get answers, and wholeness and peace!!!

wow, this so cool to come on here and see all of these responses! i don't know why, but it totally surprises me everytime. i think PC is pretty ****ing cool that way. (now if we could only just cuss on here, that'd be great!)

treehouse, yeah, i think that's pretty close to what's going on. i had a definite a-ha moment when i read what you wrote. thanks for mentioning that, it really makes a lot of sense for me.

granite, glad to see you around too, and thanks for all the hugs!

geez, thanks. i'm glad this is relatable to some people. it helps to not feel so crazy about it sometimes. also, thanks for the hugs - i know how important they are to us!

suga, yes, the realizations do hit hard, and i think you're right - there is a definite worry that she doesn't care or isn't going to be there.

eileen, thanks! me too. you're right, it can't be filled by her, yet i don't know what it's supposed to fill it either. some day's i do feel like i'm getting closer to finding answers, but that certainly was not the case yesterday.

thanks again to all of you for helpin me out..