[lastyearisblank]

I hate therapy. I hate it!!!

I don't think I can do this any more. It is just such a slog. I can't open myself up any more. I don't want to do it.

I'm sorry you're struggling. It's definitely ok to feel like this. Therapy is indeed such hard work. 'Slog' is a good word- it captures therapy as a marathon rather than a sprint.

Maybe it's ok to take a day off? To allow yourself, just today, to throw your hands up and stamp your foot and say I. Don't. Want. To. And just validate how you feel and allow yourself to rest? You might find that the next day, or after a few days, you feel more able to get back on board.

There's someone (can't remember who, sorry) who posts here that they sometimes announce "I quit!". And their T says "that's fine, for today". They describe it better than this, but it's something that has stayed with me- the idea that our feelings and reactions to this complicated process come and go.

Hope you enjoy your day off, if that's what you decide to do..

[WePow]

This sounds like you are only feeling the bad emotions around therapy right now.
Therapy done right is hard work.
When we say we "Hate therapy", that is a very broad brushstroke.
It actually causes you to feel internally that all the time and energy you have spent in therapy was worthless.

In order to bring this into a healthier perspective for yourself, can you list three ways your therapy has helped you in any way at all? Even if it is just to be able to express yourself when you are not happy?

[lastyearisblank]

I just can not stop crying, am in so much pain. I am having some kind of crisis in my life, the past few weeks. I can't bear this and on top of everything, my new therapist stood me up this week. And all I got for all my trouble setting up the appointments, going in every week, opening up, was some meds and a months worth of sleeping pills which, even when they were being prescribed, I knew I was going to want to take in one sitting. Now I'm stuck and I hate every minute of this, including these stupid doctors who can't even keep track.
I can not even remember the last time things were normal and I can't think straight, I feel frantic. When I read about other people on here's experiences it is inspiring but it is like a fairy tale. I will email back eventually to reschedule but at the moment it's too frustrating to even contemplate. Thanks for the suggestion about taking a break- I think that is a wise idea. I wish I could physically just pick up all my memories and put them in the trash.

[mixedup_emotions]

(((( HUGS )))))

So much pain is pouring through your post. I am so sorry that your T stood you up. That must elicit so much within you. I know it would cause a lot of extremely difficult emotions for me.

I know that I would want to run from this, lick my wounds and shut down. But I know that my T would encourage me to address it head on, tell him how I'm feeling and what I'm going through. So, although the urge may be to take a break, taking a break from reaching out for the support you need is something I'd try to reconsider. You're hurting, and it's hard.

Please use PC as much as you need to, get the feelings out. You have support here.

[Melbadaze]

oh I wanted more grumbling lol!, yeah just when you tink you can't go another inch more, you find that second breathe.

[Suratji]

I think I can relate a little bit. I think for me it's that I am hating the raw emotions that are being released by therapy. It's uncomfortable and painful. It seemed so much better just a few weeks ago before I began. But I do love have a therapist to talk to - I think.

[lastyearisblank]

Thank you all, I'm going to think on these responses.... very helpful..Yes that is just how it is, I want to stamp my feet, I'm glad you picked up on that. I am feeling very childlike at the moment, vulnerable, and fed up with the dependency therapy seems to offer. Thanks a lot for the understanding everyone. This is not the best fit for me, I can tell...I feel like I am lost in a maze and very resentful right now.. I wish the focus were on skills, not meds... I wish the relationship were more satisfying...

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

I wish the focus were on skills, not meds...

Can you tell your therapist that, and your prescriber (not sure if they are the same person or not)? Many therapists are very open to teaching skills.

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

I wish the relationship were more satisfying...

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Thank you all, I'm going to think on these responses.... very helpful..Yes that is just how it is, I want to stamp my feet, I'm glad you picked up on that. I am feeling very childlike at the moment, vulnerable, and fed up with the dependency therapy seems to offer. Thanks a lot for the understanding everyone. This is not the best fit for me, I can tell...I feel like I am lost in a maze and very resentful right now.. I wish the focus were on skills, not meds... I wish the relationship were more satisfying...

Skills work may be a helpful shift for now? It might help to lessen the intensity of the relationship and make you feel more independent and ground you more in your day to day life?

It is so very hard when therapy makes us feel like children and we have to navigate our every day lives feeling so vulnerable.

I'm with you on the satisfying relationship wish. Hugs

[lastyearisblank]

Yes thanks for the suggestions- the upset stuff has nothing to do with being stood up btw.

Sunrise they are two different people (therapist and prescriber) I just parted ways with my shrink of a year because he wasn't teaching skills and it felt like that wasn't helping. .. But the new one is very medical (a psychiatrist) and I just can not get on board with swallowing someone's else's pills.. I need to be able to be in charge of my own treatment..including being heard and have consistency... or else not have it period.... It has to do with my upbringing I'll admit it, we talked about that a lot with the old t. .

So yeah I either need to look for skills elsewhere or keep trying with this psychiatrist.... one day at a time like they say... just keeping that next crisis at bay!

[Suratji]

lastyearisblank - I don't know your situation and I'm not in the position to offer advice but I've been reading the book "Molecules of Emotion" by Candace Pert, PhD. She acknowledges that drugs are helpful and necessary sometimes but that in the long run they can be detrimental. The reason is that the natural fluctuation of our molecules - hormones, etc. are altered and then it becomes much more difficult to get back on track.

I would use medications, definitely, if needed to keep myself from going completely beserk. But I would also be very attentive to trying to find ways to wean myself from them. Too many people, including and especially psychiatrists, like to think of the 'quick fix' - which is sometimes necessary.

It's the same with physical health. We know that eating bad food will make us sick. So, we get sick and take medications to have a temporary respite from illness. But we know, in the end, that we must eat better, exercise, etc. to find true health. So, I think, it's similar to psychotropic medications. Use them as needed but strive for true health without them eventually.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

So yeah I either need to look for skills elsewhere or keep trying with this psychiatrist.... one day at a time like they say... just keeping that next crisis at bay!

Why is your psychiatrist the only one you can do skills with? Why not try doing skills work with your therapist? Then you could do skills with one of your practitioners and meds with the other. (I think a lot of psychiatrists these days do nothing but meds, so I'm not surprised yours doesn't do skills with you.) Good luck.

[lastyearisblank]

Yes. That's exactly right suratji. That's a very intelligent way to put it. I think that is true of psychotherapy as well. But I'm not in regular therapy right now. And I think taking drugs without therapy is sloppy.

So, we get sick and take medications to have a temporary respite from illness. But we know, in the end, that we must eat better, exercise, etc. to find true health. So, I think, it's similar to psychotropic medications. Use them as needed but strive for true health without them eventually.