[WePow]

Well T is sick :-( I hate that he feels bad.
He emailed me just now to let me know. I was supposed to see him in a few hours.

I was highly triggered due to the stupid news putting on the stuff about military woman being SA and no one listens. Yep - one of my things.
So I wrote T about that last night. He didn't reply but I didn't ask for one.

Today though I was very angry and not well. But- I was going to see T so I was being ok. I did go kick a brick wall for 15 min this AM at work !

Also, my T wrote me on my work email and not the one I use.
I wrote back on my other email that I use and said it was OK about not seeing him but that I was in a lot of pain right now. But no reply.

I am so angry just at life right now and I know it isn't his fault he is sick. But once again work is heck and I really just needed to see him. I feel very not with it now and dissociating. I can't write him more - he is sick and since he wrote me on work email I guess he doesn't even know the other emails are me anyway or something. IDK. In fact, I dont care either now

I'm sorry you didnt get to have your appt wepow. My t canceled on me due to being sick as well. I guess she had a really bad migraine. It sucks. I was really upset afterwards. However, she was able to reschedule me by moving some people around. Is there any chance your t can fit you in later this week?

[SpiritRunner]

awww, I'm sorry T is sick and sorry you're hurting, Wepow! tons of safe hugs coming your way.

I'm sorry. That stinks. Once I went all the way to therapy and he had a family emergency and had to leave. Everything turned out ok with the emergency and I was glad about that, but hated that I had to miss my session.

[WePow]

I see him tommorow if he is better.... he put me down.
I just am not in a good place....

Originally Posted by WePow

I see him tommorow if he is better.... he put me down.
I just am not in a good place....

What do you mean he put you down? Like, he insulted you? Or he put you down in his appt book?

I'm sorry he cancelled today. Even knowing he's sick, it sucks! And, if it were me, I'd have a hard time not going to an old feeling of "I'm not allowed to have needs because others around me are ill/needier than me."

Sending you tons of hugs.

WePow, how disappointing Especially when you were counting on T to help you with feeling so triggered.

I really really hope he's better tomorrow

[WePow]

putting down - he put me on the calander.

I also have to work from home tommorow and friday thanks to them doing painting in the room I work. And they are changing the name of the group that I work in. Just tons of stuff at once. I really hate stuff right now.

[ECHOES]

WePow Too much at once. Not even 'at once', because the weather has been intefering with your appointments too. I hope you and he both feel better tomorrow.

[Oceanwave]

((((((WePow))))))

So sorry that you are feeling bad right now. On the positive side though, T read your email and knows exactly how important it is for you to meet now. He sees and understands your pain, and that's why he offered that appointment for tomorrow, even though he is not sure how well he is going to be. This shows that he is doing everything he can right now. He is with you, he didn't abandon you. I hope thinking that will make you get to a better place soon. You are not alone - he is there with you.

I can hear you though, and it is tough. Sorry you are hurting and dissociating. But hang in there, and try to distract - what coping mechanisms are you using? What is most helpful?

Sending you caring thoughts and hugs.

[Suratji]

One time I had to cancel because I was sick. I told my T I was willing to come in and power through the session but she thought it wouldn't be a good idea because therapy is exhausting in itself. Then I learned she was going on vacation and so it would be 3 weeks until next appt. Man, that was tough and I was the one who had to cancel. I feel for you especially when you get all primed to go in and work stuff out and then it's not possible. All that anticipation and nowhere to let off steam.

What I did was start writing 'stream of consciousness'. What's so great about that is that it allows all kinds of thoughts and emotions to be vented without any filter at all. I have found it quite helpful in between therapy sessions.

Good luck, WePow

[rainbow8]

((((((((WePow))))))))

I'm really sorry your T got sick and had to cancel your session. I know how hard that is. It's never happened to me yet but it's my worst therapy nightmare and she knows that. I'm glad he could reschedule you for tomorrow though. I hope that works out!!

I'm sorry for the changes at work and for your having to work at home which I know you don't like.

I hope you feel better soon!!!!!!!!

[WePow]

((((((((All)))))))))))

Thank you tons. I am still managing my anger. Oceanwave, I am playing my PC game and beating up monsters.

You are right, my T is with me. I know this. I just sometimes feels like the universe just hates me. I really had a hard time today with anger. I know it was due to the stupid flashbacks of the SA stuff last night. uggg. I sometimes just want to really hurt people who do SA. I hate them. I really hate them.

((((((((((((WePow)))))))))))))))

It's okay to be angry!!! And beating up monsters sounds like a really good idea

I hope you are able to see T tomorrow. Hang in there.

[googley]

((((((((((((WePow)))))))))))

[Sweetlove]

(((((((Wepow))))))))

I hope T recovers quickly so you can see him tomorrow....Thinking of you!!!

[mixedup_emotions]

(((( WePow ))))

UGH!!!! That sux that T had to cancel, especially now when you're dealing with all this. I'm glad he put you in for tomorrow. I hope the session helps.

[Oceanwave]

Originally Posted by WePow

I sometimes just want to really hurt people who do SA. I hate them. I really hate them.

Me too, WePow, me too.

Keep beating up those monsters. I wish I could join.

[WePow]

(((((All))))))

Well, I am working from home today and about to get started. If T is still sick, I hope he cancels because I don't want it! LOL

Strange enough, I woke up in a different place this AM. I feel calmer. It still doesn't feel good but it is "fine" ... I had no option but to sit with my emotions all day yesterday. Now I am just sorta numb about it all but in a good way. So now I don't really want to see him anyway because I don't want to talk about it since I did it on my own. I suppose that is a good thing? Now I know I can safely handle those big yuckie emotions without going "down the rabbit hole" as my T likes to say.

Originally Posted by WePow

( So now I don't really want to see him anyway because I don't want to talk about it since I did it on my own..

(((((((((WePow))))))))))

I've had to go through a few pretty major things on my own during therapy - because T was across the country, or I was, or he was unavailable for some other reason. It was HARD, but I did it.

After all of those experiences, I went in and talked to T about it. We celebrated the fact that "I did it!" and we talked about how I did it, what worked, what didn't, what skills I used, how I've taken lessons in therapy and applied them to real life. It was good to share those happy moments with T, and probably satisfied some deep need left over from childhood to be acknowledged for my accomplishments.

So. If you can, I say GO. Tell him "yesterday was hard, but I made it through". Look at how you did it. Let yourself feel good about it.

Hugs to you

[granite1]

wepow you are so strong.i hope your T is feeling better and you do get to go and you can talk about how you did sit with it all and how all that went with you and how it helped etc...it can still be a good session without talking about the bad stuff.you can talk about the good stuff that is mixed in .like you feeling of accomplishment for being able to sit with these feelings

[WePow]

Update: Well, session was solid - healthy. We didn't do the DID map I wanted to do, but that was because we had to deal with me being highly triggered and upset yesterday.

I ended up telling him details about stuff as it came forward.
It was very hard to do this because it was stuff I did not recall until when we were going over it in session right then. But I did it.

I felt shame afterwards, but I did write T and ask for an email to latch onto until I see him again. Something to help remove that shame of telling him what I did.

I reminded myself of that cute icon on one of the PC members signatures with the kitty saying "bout now? and now? and now?" I was doing that with T except it was not about what he was thinking... it was about how does he feel now that I told him that yucky stuff ... I know he will answer something.

Thanks tons for helping me you guys

[Sweetlove]

I'm glad you had a fullfilling session Wepow...even though it was a bit rough and raw..I guess those can be the most fullfulling??

I hope your T responded and it brings you some peace until your next session...

[WePow]

Sweetlove, yes. He responded. It was an "interesting" response....
I suppose sometimes the truth just has to come out. T's email said that when he told his survivor story for the first time that it was hard on him too. So it just is what it is I think.

[Sweetlove]

I'm sorry...you are incredibly strong!