Lurkers, "Do you feel welcome?"

it seems very cliquesish here and as one with DID removes all sense of safety for us.

Honesty is awesome. Thank you. I wish I could do something to help make is less "closed" here. If there is anything we can do, please feel free to say so

I think a sticky thread that maybe goes over the ropes, hi jacking among other things could be mentioned. Maybe a little "about me" thread, kinda like the one started a few days ago? I personally found it a little difficult until I reached out and started asking for friends.

I'm not sure why people in general read and move on. I myself blabber a lot so I'm not the right person to answer. One thing could be they have a bit of social anxiety. Or they learn from reading and don't always need input on their personal stuff. Some people IRL are more of listeners, sometimes because they like to listen, sometimes because they are afraid to talk. And also in a place like here, if someone has depression maybe they feel they have nothing to offer. It happens. And sometimes people think a lot, but the words won't come out right. I think it takes all kinds.

At this particular section, what would make me feel welcome would be a subsection for non-psychodynamic therapy. I have been in group talk, crafts therapy, a little CBT, environmental therapy and life skills therapy. But I feel that doesn't really belong here.

Thanx for your reply.

I would personally like to know more about group therapy and emdr is a total mystery to me.

Sometimes those topics do come up here. Thanks for the thoughts on this!

I kinda just jump right in. I mean, I have the computer screen identity to protect me, I guess.

Yes. It does. Especially after I made it known that I was upset. We all have our own goofy ways. I don't "own" any thread that I may start. I don't "control" it. But if I start a topic and it goes off into something that is absolutely totally irrelevant, I have a problem with that. Threads are really easy to start. If you want to take an adventure, feel free to start a thread that will draw people in who are interested in that topic.

It's not about control. It's about respect. I feel that if a thread starts going in a completely different direction, a new thread should be started. Why? So that others will know what the topic is and they may want to participate.

If a thread is started as something like, (1) "How Did You Find Your Therapist?" and then takes a 180 degree turn to (2) "My Inner Child Work", they may have hooked up at one point, but if the latter is where this thread is going, then start a new thread on that topic. That's just my opinion on this. I know that not everyone agrees with me, but that's okay.

All in all, I have received very good support in this forum. I am not asking anyone to agree with me on anything. But I do ask to be respected. We all deserve that. Many of us deal with triggers everyday and use unhealthy ways to cope with it. We don't want to ever do something here on the forum to cause someone to do something like that. There is a fine line that we have to be careful of.

True. But a lot of us are shy, retiring creatures who find conflict intimidating.

What do our responses to posts tell us about ourselves?

My T's room is too small for anything like that.

... well, maybe ...

... um ... um ... I really hate to contradict you ... um ...

Yes, that can happen. The interesting thing is, how quickly the sarcastic know-it-alls settle down to being supportive and caring. I was quite sharp myself when I first arrived. Baggage, I guess.

It is true that there are people here I've come to know and love. But I am open to making new friends too!

There are a number of DIDs here. I used to find DID very scary. I'm glad to discover that DIDs are not so strange after all.

We've seen right here on this thread, how Squiggle sometimes gets hurt and triggered and has to take time out. But she always comes back. And that is the kind of courage I most admire.

I completely understand this. Not all the posters here are like that, but there are definitely a small handful who get almost hostile if you dare speak positively about CBT or similar therapy modalities that are on the other end of the spectrum from psychodynamic theory. I finally just gave up trying and kept my posts away from those ideas because it wasn't worth the hassle to me. It is a shame that certain people have that effect but I've seen it happen repeatedly to various unsuspecting posters. The bigger shame is that those guilty of squashing positive information about certain therapy modalities could read this and never even recognize they are the ones guilty of doing this.

It's amazing how so many things have come up in this very thread, which highlight the reasons why I stopped posting here...

I tried to become active in this forum on two separate occasions without success. Part of the reason that I went back into "lurker" mode is just because of myself and my own issues of insecurity, feelings of not fitting in, etc. Upon initially joining, it does feel a bit like being the new kid at school....groups are already developed, friendships have been made, and it's a really hard thing to do to just jump in there. I don't think that this is wrong per se,' in fact, I think it's really a part of life although there is a sense that maybe the oldies could be more aware of the newbie's and make a conscious effort to be inclusive. I think that this was really the intent behind this thread, which is great.

Additionally, as some others have stated here, I also noticed the implied rigidity, over-sensitivity, and rule-making that was starting to go on and I had no intention and/or inclination to be in a place that caused me to feel like I had to walk on egg shells in order to fit in and/or gain support. I watched as many received unwarranted and pretty intense criticism because of a differing style, perspective, opinion, etc. I do not believe that "support" forum is synonymous with "everyone must agree with everyone else" forum. How do we learn then? How do we grow and change and shift distorted thinking?

I think that it is really unfortunate as this is supposed to be a place where people can come to both find support and to learn from others. The "support" part becomes murky when one must constantly worry about offending someone, and the "learning from others" becomes pretty difficult when difference is criticized rather than valued.

I am, myself, a pretty sensitive and emotional person. I get hurt easily. Like Squiggle, I also take things personally, HOWEVER, I very much appreciate those posters who approach things from a more logical and even minded point of view (Farmergirl, above, is an excellent example). These are the people whom I learn the most from. BUT, unfortunately, these are also the people who receive the most criticism as some take their voices and tones as being rude and insensitive. I have noticed a definite shift in that these more logical and to-the-point posters ultimately tend to back off, which is a shame.

And, for the record, I do not take offense to the word "lurker." This is such a great example of what is being discussed here. It is a WORD being utilized according to its defined meaning...yet some have spent time being offended by it, and Squiggle has had to apologize for something that was actually intended to be helpful and welcoming to those who have trouble initiating involvement. I don't care to take the time to constantly worry about issues like that. Perhaps that sounds very insensitive (which I am NOT at all)...it is just that the issues that brought me here in the first place are many, and I do not have the energy nor the desire to deal with worrying about every teensy little thing that might offend someone...

Just my 2cents.... I have been reading these boards for about two years now and it has become somewhat frustrating for me.....clearly!

I know this has come up a lot on this site, but perhaps this whole issue comes back to "what is support".

I don't really know.

As much as anyone can be, I think I am a little further along in my therapy journey than perhaps many others here.

Sometimes I see people making the same mistakes I did. I really really want to help them not to make them.

Some of the problems in therapy (at least the kind of therapy most here seem to engage in) I'm coming to see really are universal.

Maybe they are necessary mistakes, I don't know. The problems may be universal, but the solutions may not.

All I so know for sure is that I wish I there had been someone leaving behind a trail of crumbs, or pointing out "this is a guidepost, look at it" for me to follow on my path. It would've helped a lot.

Would I have listened/looked? Could I have done so?

I started a thread called Can't Jack This , this a way to try and connect with new PC posters and also a way for those further along in their journey to offer advice or blow off steam etc. I didn't do this out of malice or harmful sarcasm , although I know it may appear that way in hindsight. I just tried to create an outlet for the sometimes bothersome tangents threads can sometimes tend to take. I apologize if I have offended anyone. Or this is all in my head... But then again that is why I am in therapy. I saw a need and a create a solution.

Also I don't have the ability to chat.. So even though to some it may appear more like a chat at times, keep in mind not all of us have that ability... We use phones or iPads, or tablets etc...

Ok so that didn't work.. I tried!

Judging from my own past (more than present, I hope) reactions, this can be as a result of the feeling that one's problems were ignored, trivialized by advocates of CBT, who seemed to deny the extent of past pain, and its continuing effects, but only to concentrate on present techniques. One can lash out at those people as a consequence of what seems to be a denial continued from childhood, as non-useful as lashing may be.

Just an attempt to provide something of a possible explanation...

Don’t be afraid of change because it is always necessary for progress.

squiggle..again i ask you to look at your own signature.

OK theRE everyone take a deep breath. in. out. repeat. ok?

look. it is a thread. in a forum. if it gets "hijacked" can't it be directed back to it's original direction? has it gone for ever to the 7th ring of hades never to be seen again? perhaps someone's little "field trip" that they might not even be aware of (thank you) might just have a lesson in it..or are we all so caught up in following so strictly the elephant's trunk to tail?

you don't learn anything from following blindly except to follow blindly. last i heard this was a discussion board for support.

you post a question. you get answers. those answers get answers & so it goes. because we are all unique individuals each person responds differently. some are ruight on target (to the way the 1st person wanted) some not so much....but because this is america, the land of the free..home of the have it your way hamburger...everybody gets to speak as they wish.

i learned that on a field trip to this hall in philly on a field trip...bunch of guys in bad pants & wigs kinda wrote this thing that said i could say what i wanted as long as i was nice.

all kidding aside..nobody owns a thread. you may start it but it ain't yours. if it is going someplace you don't like maybe nicely ask to redirect or enjoy the ride..you might learn something unexpected.

squiggle..you are not the only one who has jumped on people for this..there are others. trust me. i could name them but there is no point. they know who they are. be nice. play nice in the sand box. everyone mis-directs others threads at times..it's not a crime...it's a thread...get over it...life goes on. really. if this is the worst that happens to someone then our lives are pretty damn good.

i doubt anyone is doing it on purpose..i don't. i have better thing to waste my time on..i post when i see something that calls to me..where i feel i can offer insight. not where i think.."geez..i can piss this person off if i post this." like i said i have a life that involves more than pc.

there. it's sunday. it's nice out. everyone go out & do something they enjoy.

Umm... well, you see when I first joined PC support meant something quite different to what some think of as being helpful and supportive now. The Original Poster was respected and people didn't reply to the original poster unless you were being supportive. This is a support forum, therefore we support each other.

What impression do you think this thread is giving to new members or those thinking about joining? In the psychotherapy forum it appears that some members are not supporting each other as well as they could.

Come on people lets show the world how great this place is!

Well, TECHNICALLY, the psychotherapy forum isn't under a SUPPORT heading, it's under a TREATMENT heading. So I don't know what the evolution or the intelligent design of the forums was, but maybe that implies more leeway in how one can respond? ie I see the forum more as group therapy rather than support for any one individual. the format itself almost demands it - you see the previous 5 posts. I always read from the beginning, but after several pages - well, that's how individual therapy works too, you free associate, and you eventually get back to the original subject with the solution - like the old Family Circle cartoons, where Billy goes all over the neighborhood just to borrow a cup of sugar next door.

Psych Central forums are for support. Please read the Community Guidelines - Updated 2/22/2011 It's stated clearly through out the guidelines. Take care.

Is there a final answer to what support is? A final authority? Is there a God?

wow, a lot sure has come out in this thread.....actually, I appreciate the honest/respectful tone I see in general from people stating their feelings/perspectives, standing firm in them and yet acknowledging others' feelings/perspectives are different and also worthy of respect, too. this seems like a general skill that is helpful for life......being able to know/own your feelings/thoughts, stand firm for them/yourself when you need to, be thoughtful, open-minded, courteous, diplomatic toward others' feelings/thoughts/perspectives/issues, etc.....knowing when to compromise/when not to......when to continue/when to retreat.....
I appreciate the varying perspectives I've gotten on issues here, some I don't think I would have thought of myself....I haven't always liked some responses, I've felt stung sometimes, but sometimes I felt stung because there was a truth in what was said that I hadn't or didn't want to see, though it actually was helpful to see. Sometimes my first reaction was to be defensive, to be snarky or to totally draw back....but like someone just mentioned, I wondered, what would that response say about me, what does it say to me that I was hurt/offended by that and want to respond this way?
I tend to be sensitive too and feel like I've been judged as a whole when someone points out something about me to me, especially if it's an area where I am more sensitive or something I feel is shameful/bad ....... it's easy to feel hurt or take offense or take things personally, but it's also good to step back and think, did that person really mean to be offensive, or did they just mean to point out something they think would be helpful for me, and would it be helpful to me if I consider in an objective, rather than subjective, way?
Some here are more direct than others, some are really logical, no-nonsense, to the point ..... the ones who have been like that, but also tactful and even-toned, are also ones who I feel have offered the most steadying influence/perspective to me (yes, I appreciate farmergirl, too ). Some are sympathetic or empathetic, very good at giving loving support..... support/styles of offering support vary, and sometimes I've needed a mix ...... both the logical/intellectual approach and the emotionally sensitive, gentle, sympathetic one.....
I don't know how people see (or saw) me ..... but I do expect/accept that some don't see me the way I'd like to be seen/the way I think I am, or that 2 people may see me essentially the same way, but one resonates with my style/tone (or how they interpret it) and one does not. It's the way it is ..... I try to be open-minded, accepting, nonjudgmental, supportive in a way I think will be helpful for a particular poster/post.....I just hope I am more helpful than not, and if I cause any hurt, I have no problem with it being pointed out to me.
the point is, we're all different, we can all respect that and learn from each others' differences....because underneath, there are also some basic similarities that can unite us, aren't there?