[granite1]

wow yesterday was so hard for me.i know it was only a short time that i had no idea what was happening with my son but it totally affected my mood all day i was really rocky all day.i went from being genrally angry to numb to being angry and i realised i am angry at T again for all these changes she has made.how can i do this feel any big feelings and not be able to contact her for help i just cant do it.god at the end of a session she goes home and has dinner and doesnt give things a second thought and i go home and want to SI all over the place and dont want to feel how i am feeling and dont know how to deal with it.but i am just left with it.and then she feels like it is all ok if she says she is sorry and that she wouldnt ask me to deal with all this painfull stuff if she felt it wasnt going to help.but she believes it can.if i feel these horrable feelings how do i just shut them off and then bring them back the next week.not happening and the way i felt yesterday and not being able to atleast e-mail her made me feel this even stronger.i want to be able to do this but am getting scared that i cant

[PTSDlovemycats]

Sorry Granite, I am not quite up to date with what has been happening with your Ts. Is this your first T? Or the new T??

[granite1]

with my first T i decided to stay with her for now but am really having a hard time not being able to e-mail her.my moods are all over the place and i know i will not talk and i need to let her know what is going on.and just now my son sent me a im saying he is on standbye right now to head over to mainland japan for humanitarian help.i am so scared for him things are bad over thare.right now i am thinking i may have made the wrong decision.how is any of what she is doing helpfull

[darkrunner]

(((Granite)))

Have you ever tried journaling? That can be a good way to get those awful feelings OUT. Sometimes it takes a while for new coping skills to feel effective, but if you are persistent you may eventually find it is very helpful.

Yes, your T goes home and has dinner and goes on with her life, and that is how she is able to take care of herself that she can be ther 100% for you at your sessions. Do you go once a week, and if so, maybe it would help to go 2 or 3 times?

[granite1]

Originally Posted by darkrunner

(((Granite)))

Have you ever tried journaling? That can be a good way to get those awful feelings OUT. Sometimes it takes a while for new coping skills to feel effective, but if you are persistent you may eventually find it is very helpful.

Yes, your T goes home and has dinner and goes on with her life, and that is how she is able to take care of herself that she can be ther 100% for you at your sessions. Do you go once a week, and if so, maybe it would help to go 2 or 3 times?

i do journal but it doesnt always help sometimes it seems to fuel my emotions a lot .dont know why but i do try it.my T only works three day weeks and isnt in the office from thursday through sunday.i am working all day today untill tonight so that will help but i will be so scared if my son goes to mainland japan

[SpiritRunner]

Granite, I know this hard for you, with your son in a dangerous situation and you with your T.
Perhaps some of your fear about your son is being projected into anger at your T? In both cases, there are things maybe you feel like you haven't a lot of control over and this leads to fear, which leads to anger. I may be wrong and forgive me if I am off base, just a thought....
Please be gentle with yourself, be patient and give yourself and T some space for this to work out...

[granite1]

Originally Posted by poetgirl76

Granite, I know this hard for you, with your son in a dangerous situation and you with your T.
Perhaps some of your fear about your son is being projected into anger at your T? In both cases, there are things maybe you feel like you haven't a lot of control over and this leads to fear, which leads to anger. I may be wrong and forgive me if I am off base, just a thought....
Please be gentle with yourself, be patient and give yourself and T some space for this to work out...

i so want her to know what is going on with me and it is making me so angry.i would e-mail her and let her know but i cant and i cant talk to her that makes me angry at myself and her i feel like she just cut all chances of me being able to let her to know what is going on.i know i could write her this and bring it in but i am so angry maybe it is a cut my nose off kind of thing or maybe even more realistic is i am scared to death to talk and i wouldnt give her the letter for fear that she would ask me to read it or talk.i just dont know.i didnt e-mail he a lot atall about 6 times in 1 1/2 years .i hate her right now because she did this

[WePow]

Granite, go ahead and write T the emails. Just don't send them. But write them out and send them to yourself. But make them the exact as if she would read them.

Then - print them out the day before session and take them with you. Then have her read them to you. If she wants you to read them - try hard to do it even though it is so hard.

This will let you be able to do what you NEED to do with the act of composing the emails. I know it works because I have had to start doing that for my own health - just in case T didn't answer a hard one - so I would not be wounded. It really helps me to vent and work things out in my mind.

Please try this and just see how it feels for a day or so. Write EVERYTHING - like "T, I hate you. I am writing this knowing I can't email you but I am in pain..." Just let your soul show through in truth.

Hugs!!!

[ECHOES]

Changes are hard. Trust that this will start to feel less painful in time.
Talking about how hard this change is will give you someplace to begin when you see her. This is important, and she wants to know how it's going for you.

[Fartraveler]

What happened to that other T, that you liked, who was OK with email? Did you ever go see her? Could you?

[granite1]

just called out of work i just cant deal with the idea that i have to be thare all day.i hate this .i want my boy home with me and if i cant have that i justy wish i had some way of being ok with it i keep watching the news obsessivly .my husband just turned it off saying i need to do something else

[ECHOES]

granite, it is so understandable that the current events are upsetting and especially because your beloved son is there
What about a compromise with your husband, where maybe turning the tv off for a half hour, then back on, or watching for an hour then turning it off for an hour?

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Fartraveler

What happened to that other T, that you liked, who was OK with email? Did you ever go see her? Could you?

i guess i could make an appointment to see her but i am really trying to give her a chance and to trust that she knows what she is doing i am just finding it really really hard right now because i am feeling so crappy and i dont have any idea what to do with these feelings.i feel like she thinks i am awsome with dealing with this stuff.i'm not sure this T was ok with e-mail or not i just know she e-mailed me a lot to set up appointments but it may have been differnt if i started seeing her as a client.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

granite, it is so understandable that the current events are upsetting and especially because your beloved son is there
What about a compromise with your husband, where maybe turning the tv off for a half hour, then back on, or watching for an hour then turning it off for an hour?

now that i am not working maybe i will try to go shopping and get out of the house by myself and not have to deal with people.if i cant watch what is going on i need to do something and i cant handle work right now.i just want to be able to contact my T i dont know how to calm down.i hate tis

[ECHOES]

granite, that sounds like a great idea to get out of the house, go shopping. Good thinking!! Being around others might feel really good

Keep us posted on how you are feeling. I will be back this evening. Til then...

[granite1]

humm just dont feel any better.i wish i could e- mail her.she told me to write to her as if i am e- mailing and print it out and bring it to T.i'm going to try this but i doubt i will give it to her

[ECHOES]

but i doubt i will give it to her

...because...?

[PTSDlovemycats]

Big (((hugs))) to you Granite, yet again!

[rainbow8]

granite, I'm thinking of you!!

I know a few people who aren't able to email their therapist's but they write out their thoughts and feelings and actually snail mail them to their therapist's. You don't have the "immediate" gradification of a response, but in most cases, the therapist is able to pull the letter out at the next appointment and he/she is able the critical issues. I know that isn't the same as the immediate response of email, but it's better than not having any way to communicate! I hope you're able to find the right compromise!

[SpiritRunner]

thinking of you today, granite!

[Can't Stop Crying]

Hang in there! I understand what you are saying about leaving sessions feeling all the emotions and not knowing what to do with them. I sometimes wish T's had magic doors that would hold everything until the next session. I'm thinking of you!

[granite1]

...TRIGGER.... sm mention of SI




yesterday was such a bad day for me.i was just so full of anger for my T and everything.all i wanted to do was SI because it makes me feel better.but i DIDN'T.i am glad of this i seemed to be ok for now.i went shopping and did some crafts and believe it or not i called a friend.i havnt done this in years and years.she knows my son and accually talked to him yesterday morning.she knows how i am feeling with him.he is on standbye right now and getting ready to head over to the main land.i am not going to say i am fine but i seem to be ok today.i am still angry at T because i dont know how to deal well with all this alone and believe me i do feel alone but today i am ok.maybe i am getting over the shock about my son and believing he is and will be ok

[ECHOES]

(((granite))) I can hear that you are okay, but not fine and still mad at T.
I hope, though, that you can wiggle in some self pride about how well you are taking care of you!!!!
We can be able to take care of ourselves and still need and want our T to be there for us. And they are.

You aren't alone. We are here with you

[granite1]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

...because...?

i hate reading outloud also she made me read all my emails outloud and that was what started this meltdown i had it was way to much and i got absoluitly terrified of her i cant handle another session like that one again.i'm a little shy of sharing anything i have written.i get all brave and write something and bring it in with all intentions of sharing it and then i freak out about it the minute i see her and dont share it.i'm scared to mail anything to her because she hasnt told me i cant and i am afraid if i do she will stop this also.