[Suratji]

Just 3 months in therapy and I'm already feeling dependent on T. I don't like that feeling. I don't understand it. I've already told her that she's the only person I've ever felt needy towards. And I blamed her for that and told her it's her fault!!!

I'll be 2 weeks without a session at end of this month and it scares me. I don't have serious problems like those with PTSD or anxiety disorders or anything that would require constant monitoring so I don't understand this feeling of dependency.

I will talk to T next session to ask her to explain it to me and ask her if it will end eventually.

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by Suratji

Just 3 months in therapy and I'm already feeling dependent on T. I don't like that feeling. I don't understand it. I've already told her that she's the only person I've ever felt needy towards. And I blamed her for that and told her it's her fault!!!

I'll be 2 weeks without a session at end of this month and it scares me. I don't have serious problems like those with PTSD or anxiety disorders or anything that would require constant monitoring so I don't understand this feeling of dependency.

I will talk to T next session to ask her to explain it to me and ask her if it will end eventually.

It's OK and natural to feel some dependency on T after a while...
It's someone who is giving so much attention to you and so much caring for you in that time you spend with them. There's a lot emotionally invested in therapy, in the therapist. So attachment/dependency happen. A secure attachment helps you to do the work that you need to do within the therapeutic framework; without it, how could you go so deep as you need to with T or really learn so much about your way of relating in other relationships through the relationship with T? You need this secure base.
And for you personally, I think you need to learn it's OK to need someone, it's OK to be dependent, in a healthy, helpful way!
I began to feel dependent on my T about 3months in too. I remember talking to her about how I was beginning to feel attached and it was scary. She said to me, you won't always need me, you know! The time will come when you feel less dependent....
And maybe T will also know how to nudge you out of the nest so to speak, when she sees it is time for you to fly.....or at least to test your wings, little by little. Maybe my T is pushing me out of the nest a bit?! However, I know I am not ready.....but I think we will know when we are.....

[Perna]

Yes, it's you working on just you and your interests/needs, not having to "share" with anyone else. Turn your thinking; if someone gave you a whole lot of money you wouldn't be thinking of your "need" for money and next year's mortgage or rent payment or what will happen when you have spent it all, you'd be thinking of how to invest and spend it so it lasts. Think of you T as a resource like that instead of a "need".

[Mike_J]

Well I hate to disagree with everyone, but my “need” for my therapist has only grown with time, and I don’t see it ending soon (ever if I’m honest). I don’t think it will go away when I am ready, I think it can only end with my heart being shattered.

But I don’t think that feeling a need for your therapist is necessarily a bad thing, speaking for myself my need has kept me from doing a lot of stupid things, and given me inspiration to keep trying to improve myself.

[lastyearisblank]

Dependency doesn't have to do with a diagnosis (though I think it does have to do with your early experiences, sometimes). But I think it's ok!!!!! Maybe trying to do therapy for any issue without dependency on the therapist is like trying to cook without heat. If you are constantly questioning your therapist's judgment you can't really be open to a new experience.

I think it depends what you mean by dependency too. When you know you can rely on someone, that is nice. I think some people are attached to their therapist but not quite sure about it all. Is that where you are? If so, maybe (and I don't know if this is your thing) as poetgirl said, part if it is going through the whole cycle-- when you let someone in, it changes who you are to start with. You're not the same you who started out so dependent.

[sunrise]

Suratji, when I was at the same stage in my therapy as you, I think I may have felt similar in some ways to what you describe. The feeling was very unsettling, and I found it unnatural (I don't usually get close to someone so fast or look to them to meet needs, help me, etc.), but still I kind of ate it up. I thought about my T a lot. But the relationship did settle down after a while. It became more "secure." It was like passing through the crush phase in a romantic relationship. The other side was safe, comfortable, caring and just very secure. I didn't think about him so much, I was just confident in how he felt and thought about me. I didn't feel needy when he was out of town for a week because I knew he would be back soon and we would continue our sessions, right where we left off. I call this secure attachment, rather than dependency. Before the relationship settled down, I think I was attaching, but it wasn't secure yet. Our strong relationship allows me to go places in therapy with my T that I couldn't if we didn't have this strong bond. So I see it as very essential to successful therapy for me.

Originally Posted by Surataji

I will talk to T next session to ask her to explain it to me and ask her if it will end eventually.

For me, it didn't really end, but it morphed into something better and more secure. Our close relationship is a positive thing for me. Even when I am done with therapy, I don't think it will end. I will always feel very close to him, even if I don't see him again. His place in my heart is secure. It doesn't make me feel needy to have given him this space. It makes me feel healthy.

[elliemay]

You know, I don't know if it's dependency on my therapist or not. I don't know if I've ever been dependent on him at all.

I did develop a love for him at one time, and it felt very real and very painful and very exciting really, but I think I know what it was.

For me, what I feel sometimes is the intense need for human connection that I get in therapy. It's so rewarding to be genuine, honest and appreciated.

I like my therapist, but I can honestly say I don't know if I would like him as a person, because I don't know him. I only know how good I feel when I'm with him sometimes.

It's so healing, that connection, I can actually feel the pain leave me, slowly being replaced with what must be love, planted there by a good kind therapist, and left to grow.

[Suratji]

I don't think I'm attached to T as a person. I know almost nothing about her personally. But I guess I'm feeling dependent on the "therapeutic relationship". Since working with her my emotions have been revved up. AND, she's the only human being on earth who knows my most intimate painful secrets. And besides that she knows the 'real' me and that creates a painful vulnerability. And so, this dependency exists now and it feels quite uncomfortable.

[Elli-Beth]

My T is my safe person; the only one who was willing to believe how bad things were and the only one is taking positive steps to help me out. I'll freely admit that I'm dependent and the idea of him being away scares the heck out of me. He has a back-up guy, but that's a stranger and strangers = EEK! I have no solutions, I just wanted you to know you're not alone.

[WikidPissah]

I get you on this one. I HATE HATE HATE feeling that I need my T. It makes me want to quit almost every week. I have deleted his numbers from my phone to keep me from calling in crisis. I now am figuring out alternative ways to handle that.

But...that being said...I know it's wrong for me to fight the attachment. I know that I need an attachment in order to truly listen to advice for once in my life. I need it to hear that I'm not so bad and evil as I thought.

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by Elli-Beth

My T is my safe person; the only one who was willing to believe how bad things were and the only one is taking positive steps to help me out. I'll freely admit that I'm dependent and the idea of him being away scares the heck out of me. He has a back-up guy, but that's a stranger and strangers = EEK! I have no solutions, I just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Yeah, my T said she has a backup person. Maybe that works for someone who is suicidal or SI or something but how does that help me? What is the backup person going to do? I guess I'll have to ask her next week.

I hate that I won't see her for 2 weeks. I need to ask her how I'm going to be able to do that. I'm thinking I should go on vacation too in order to distract myself. I wonder if she'll let me leave unlimited messages on her phone.