[dizgirl2011]

...when I read peoples posts about therapy and their relationships with their Therapists and how much it is so ailen from anything I have experienced or heard anyone else experience!! I don't mean this in a nasty way at all, infact I wish my T was like some of the peoples on here!!

I live in the UK and boy does it differ from the USA! I hear people talk about being in therapy for years, some more than 5, 10 or a lot more and that is basically not heard of here. I have never had a T more than a year before basically they make you leave for one reason or another. They just don't do that long term work that I read so much about on here and I really wish they did.

I then read peoples lovely posts about how their therapist hugs them , holds them, says lovely personal and touching things to them, tells them they wont abandon them, or that they see them as a son or daughter, does interesting creative things with them like play a game to distract them or go for walks or lets them curl up on a blanket in the T room, endless touching stories which are soooo taboo here. All of those activites are seen as crossing boundaries here completely and basically never happen. Over here a T would never tell you they weren't going to abandon you, from the begining you basically get the sense from what they say that, this won't last forever, we'll see how it goes but its not long term.

I love this forum, its so good to talk to people who understand what its like to feel different things both good and bad about Therapy but sometimes I read the posts and although they are so lovely, I feel so envious and sad that this will never happen for me

I just want to say if you have a therapist like the ones i have kinda mentioned above them cherish them because some people never find them.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Suratji]

Besides the lack of long term work, how exactly do the T's there in UK behave? You must also have T's who are sensitive, compassionate, caring, etc, right?

[dizgirl2011]

Originally Posted by Suratji

Besides the lack of long term work, how exactly do the T's there in UK behave? You must also have T's who are sensitive, compassionate, caring, etc, right?

Hey yeah we do have caring, compassionate and caring therapists but they have a lot stricter boundaries I guess but what's sad about not being able to have a therapist until you can feel better is that you just end up going from one Therapist and feeling insecure cus your waiting to be dropped. They seem more professionally caring and personally caring if that makes sense

[WePow]

I do cherish mine :-) He was an answer to my prayer!

[Miss Laura]

My 1st Counsellor only lasted 7 months and it was ironically only meant to be 4 sessions and that was it..... this was through my work.

My 2nd Counsellor was through a charity and I only got her for 8 sessions (8 weeks) and that was it.

I have been Counsellor free for 5 months now and see my Community Psych Nurse once in a blue moon

I do want to live in America for the whole therapy thing but then I guess it's all different

[Splintered]

I live in the UK as well and I have to say my t experiences have been more like the ones you mention reading about here than the ones you've had. My first t I saw for 2 and a half years (left because she got a new job), second t I left after a year and a half even though I wasn't done - not sure how long those t relationships would have lasted if things had been different but I know neither of them had plans to try and end therapy anytime soon. The t I'm seeing now I started seeing 6 months ago and I'm pretty sure she has no plans to try and end therapy after a year - we're only just getting started. She lets me email her and call her between sessions if I need to. She gave me her mobile number so I can text her if I need to while she's away.

I'm not saying all that to make you feel bad but just to say there are t's over here that are more like the kind of t you want. I'm sorry you haven't found a t like that where you are but they are out there so don't give up hope of ever having that cause it is possible!

[granite1]

i dont think my T hugs,she has told me that she cares about what happens to me,and is willing to do anything with in reason to help me talk in T but she doesnt allow me to e-mail or want me to write letters.she wants me to talk instead,she has strong boundries but they seem to be in my best intrest as much as i hate them.just wondering what are some of the things you like about your T and also just wondering what do they do if you arnt ready to be without a T do they send you to someone else???

[rainbow8]

Since Splintered has a T more like the Ts we have in the US, they apparently exist. Splintered, what orientation does your T use? Maybe, dizgirl, you could find one like hers! Do any Ts in the UK use the Internal Family Systems model (IFS)? That's what my T uses, and she and others who use it have a different approach that includes more of what you want.

I find it hard to believe that all Ts in the UK are the same, and Splintered's experience proves it. That's good news for you. Now you may have to do some research, but you can find someone who does therapy in a way that fits you better.

I am in the US and although I have been in T for most of my life and 8-9 years with the same person, I don't have the relationship that the others describe here - we've never hugged, touched...I don't have her email address or personal cell phone # and I don't have any special feeling towards her more than knowing that I can tell her anything and she never judges me or yells at me - like that friend I can always count on. I don't think she loves me or thinks I'm like a child to her (we are almost the same age)...it's a very comfortable relationship and I know I can count on her if I need her. The T I had growing up (for probably 15 years) was a male and my parents age. He knew me from the age of 15 - 30, saw me through some of the most horrific points of my life where I was seeing him 3x a week. I always saw him as my friend...he knew my parents from family counseling sessions....

I think the relationships are what you and your T allow them to be....maybe some cultures allow for more closeness than others....I just don't have that personality either.

[dizgirl2011]

Its interesting to hear people's thoughts, thanks

I just want to add that I didn't mean every therapist in either continent is exactly all the things I described, I was just using some of the examples from what I have read.

[jexa]

I have never had the experiences with a T that others describe here - hugs, a very personal relationship, the offer of therapy indefinitely. I have seen more than ten Ts for at least two sessions and none have been like this. I am in the US. I have never had a T for longer than a year.

I actually think that for me it is better this way. It's not always comfortable to get so close to someone while it remains a professional relationship with a time limit but I actually fare worse with Ts that are too warm and cuddly. It keeps me from getting dependent, it reminds me to seek IRL relationships with closeness. Others may need that warmth to do the work. I avoid the work when I get too close...

[Chronic]

I am in the Uk too and agree with you that sometimes I feel a little left out from others experiences with their Ts on here. My T has never hugged me, told me he wont abandon me, sat on the floor with me etc, but then again Ive never had the conversation with him so who knows. I spoke to my pdoc a while ago about the length of my therapy as I was worried I had been in T too long. She told me that many people with certain disorders do stay in T for many years and that thats ok. And most of my Ts patients are with him for less than 6 months (CBT) yet he is happy to keep on seeing me as long as needed (though he is private. I would imagine being ablt to see a T for years on the NHS might be more difficult to come by). Have you been seeing Ts on the NHS? I found that I had to see whichever T was there and didnt really get a choice, evevn though we werent an ideal fit. Its only when I went private that I found a T I liked and who I thought could help. But it is expensive.

I saw an American T years ago. She was my first T and I was in such a state. She told me that if we were in the US I would have sought treatment out long ago. In the UK i guess we a more "stiff upper lip" and therapy can be seen as a real weakness sometimes. Though I think this is getting better. I dont mean to generalise-just my experience

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

Hey yeah we do have caring, compassionate and caring therapists but they have a lot stricter boundaries

DZG you also said >> Over here a T would never tell you they weren't going to abandon you,

Is all therapy provided by the NHS and is it all CBT? Are there not any private clinical psychologists with other theoretical orientations?

iI don't doubt the "caring and compassiionate" description but I guess I'm wondering... what if a client comes in with significant abandonment issues? Wouldn't it be essential to the client's healing to hear that they won't be abandoned by the therapist?

[anilam]

First let me say that I don't mean to offend anyone. But here are some cultural stereotypes...
Generally in my country we consider Americans to be more emotional than British ppl. I know it is not true for everyone. BTW Czechs are considered to be even more emotional cold. Every American teacher I had was really confused in the beginning and thought we are bored all the time.
In my country T have in ethical guidelines that they should not hug clients, neither should they called them by first names, etc. Still they are some exceptions (so glad my T isnt one).
On the other hand it is widely believed that therapy should by long term and end only when the client feel he no longer benefits from it.

Hi, I'm in the UK. I haven't posted recently but my (private, paid by me) T does many of the things you're wishing for. I can see her until I no longer need her, and she often reassures me of this. We have quite an intense relationship to meet my emotional needs and she is very warm and loving and demonstrable.

I think I read somewhere that you are paying to see a private T? If this is the case, you should definitely be able to find what you're looking for, at least in terms of someone who will see you for a longer period of time. I do think that the duartion of therapy depends more on the T's therapeutic model than on the country they're working in. Lots of cognitive-based therapies are designed to be time-limited (e.g. 16 sessions)- and this is what makes them viable on the NHS. Psychodynamic therapies are more open ended and psychoanalytic Ts usually expect you to attend very long term. What kind of therapy are you doing?

[googley]

Hello,

I have a guess about the length thing here on the board. There are a lot of Ts in the US who do time limited therapy, especially if they are working in a CBT model for specific disorders (especially anxiety disorders.) My guess is that a lot of the individuals who are in the short term model (6-24 sessions) in the US do not make it to the psychotherapy forum because it is of a time limited duration.So they don't have the extended time that many of us have in our therapies and don't reflect as much on the interpersonal interactions and connections between them and their therapist because they know that it is a time limited course of treatment.

As for disclosure and hugging, I really think it depends on the T here in the US. I have never had a T that would hug or anything like that. I've known very little about my Ts. So I think there is a very broad range of amount of disclosure by Ts. There are ethical rules that Ts are supposed to follow when working. Deviation from those rules is (supposed to) only happen when seriously considered by the T, and if something does go wrong in the deviation from the rules, the T does risk losing their license. This is why many Ts will not bend the rules about physical contact, self disclosure, etc even when clients very much wish they would. There are a number of threads on the board about clients wishing to know more about their Ts or receive hugs. So it is not that every T in US is the same and provides the same types of support to their clients.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey guys thanks for all the replies

Just to answer a few people's questions - I see my current T privately as actually seeing someone on the NHS for even 1 year or 6 months is almost impossible.
Although at the same time there's not that many private therapists in my area of the uk either.

My T works from a person centred/ intergrative type theory - not CBT.

Sittingatwatersedge - I have big abandonmnent issues but no one that I have ever seen has said the wouldn't abandon me, so it just keeps happening and it reinforces my fear of abandonment and rejection. T are too worried about dependancy to say things like that.

xxxx

[heretoday]

Yes I don't know where people get their therapists! I wouldn't really want my therapist to get too touchy feely, but not accusing me of crimes when it's just OCD thoughts would be really nice o.O 2 out of 4 did. The third one just yelled at me that he's not going to take care of me just for making eye contact with him. Thinking back I think he was trying to run some sort of cult...