How many sessions into therapy before your T mentioned the word "boundaries"?

If I am not mistaken I heard those words very early into my treatment. I didn't know T's liked that word so much and to be honest I didn't like the way I felt when I heard it.

I'm guessing mine was the first or second appointment because the inital session is an assessment and often the 'contract' is covered which often includes how you and your T will work together, limits of confidentiality, what happens if you turn up late or fail to turn up to an appointment, fees, times, contact out of sessions etc - these are all types of boundary issues so the word could be used there.

I don't like the thought of the word but at the same time its to protect us and them, no matter how much we don't like it.

We talked about it very early, as soon as I was thinking clearly. I was thankful that we did because the boundaries keep me safe and make sure our work stays on track. I see them as comforting, like a seatbelt.

It didn't come up until I accidentally crossed a boundary. Man, that hurt. I think she was neglectful not explaining this to me earlier.

Mine never has. I think she realizes that my boundaries are such that it will keep me from ever crossing hers! It's simply not a conversation we've ever had.

In my first couple of months with T, I was having trouble sharing something very personal and he wanted to know why and I said I was afraid it was too awful for him to hear and I didn't want to put him through that. Then he said he would be OK, that he had very good training, and that he had strong boundaries. I had no idea what boundaries meant, but it sounded reassuring.

Later in therapy, T pointed out that I had very poor boundaries in that I let people walk all over me. I guess I just never learned how to protect myself. So we worked some on helping me to learn what a boundary is and how to set it. I found that I sometimes do set boundaries, but that I am really bad at maintaining them. If someone steps over my boundary, I don't know how to make them do what I want and observe my boundary. They step on me even if I tell them not to. The whole boundaries thing is very hard! I think it is an excellent area to work on in therapy. I bought a book all about learning to set boundaries and I thought it was very good. It gave all different sorts of instances--setting boundaries with friends, family, partners, co-workers, etc.

I tend to be very respectful and observant of others' boundaries, so T has not had to tell me to back off of his. (That would hurt!) I tend to be the opposite, and not want to approach as close as I probably should for optimum benefit.

dizgirl, when my T and I talk about these issues of fees and appointment times and such, he calls them "the frame." He told me once that I tend to get kind of upset when the frame wobbles.

My T said at maybe my second appointment, "I have very good boundaries". Something about that soothed me (probably because I had such bad experiences with bad/no boundaries) and to this day, I sometimes think of him saying that sentence and feel safe.

When I briefly saw another T for meditation instruction, she wanted to speak with T before we started working together. I asked what he told her, and he said that all he said was "Boundaries are very important to Tree, and SHE gets to set the boundaries".

I love how T keeps me safe.

It took a while before the word was mentioned, or before I remember it being mentioned.....like a couple months. I know I was thinking it would be short term counseling and maybe she did too, so the words boundary and attachment didn't come up for over 2 months, actually, until it was clearer this was longer-term therapy.
I wish she had mentioned it sooner. But in the beginning, my boundaries so tightly restricted keeping her out I don't think it was something she even thought of us as necessary. I didn't want to touch her, have her touch me, be too close, do anything that could be deemed inappropriate, etc.......so it some ways it wasn't necessary to talk about boundaries about touch/hugs specifically until it became more of an issue as I became more attached (which caught me by surprise really!)
Now I have heard it more times than I care to think about.....

lol ah maybe some T's use a different word to describe it lol Most T I know call it a Contract lol.

Even if the word Boundary isn't used early in T, it is often talked about or dealt with without us even knowing thats is what is being discussed. I think most people have spoken of boundaries, rules and regulations in the first few sessions without even knowing it.

She talked briefly about confidentiality and what she's obligated to report in the first session, but other than that, I think I've been the one that's initiated most of the boundary discussions.

I almost get the impression she wants me to test the boundaries a little at times. Not in a harmful way or anything, but just so I can start to establish new, more reasonable boundaries.

My therapist is a psychdynamic/psychoanalytic therapist. I chose to see someone who is an analyst after researching what was out there and deciding what I thought would work for me.

She has never mentioned diagnosis (except to confirm BPD when I brought that to therapy after reading about it and feeling that BPD applied to me. Even then she was casual about it and said she doesn't want her patients to get hung up on a diagnosis.) and she has never said the word boundary. We talk about the issue (length of phone calls, for example) and about what works and what doesn't and why and I also have a voice in saying what works and what doesn't and why. We work it out and sometimes I have to accept things that I don't want to, but the open and kind way it is presented and worked out makes it possible for me to do that.

There are boundaries everywhere. We all have them even if we don't name them.
Every one of us is a separate person with separate minds. We get to think what we want and be who we are.
Is there something about boundaries or about others being separate that is hard for you?

she hasnt really mentioned boundries.but about after a year and half she put her foot down about emails and mailing letters.she didnt want me to do it .she said she knows it is hard and confusing because she had always let me do whatever i wanted.shesaid it was because she wanted me to talk about things not write because i was hiding behind e-mail and letters instead of using my words,i would send her a letter or e-mail and then not talk about it.she didnt call it a boundry but it sure felt like i had crossed one