[hazeleyes]

Does anyone else feel like a hopless case in therapy? I have the most wonderful therapist one could ask for, she's smart and I trust her with everything, altho it is ME who won't do the hard work. I know just the right things to do and what NOT to do, but still I keep dragging my heavy backpack around. I don't know when I will grow up!! I hate myself sometimes (((((
I even feel like an alien here. I'm sorry for being such a whiner.... ignore me please. Just needed to vent. Off to bed and hoping for a better tomorrow. My mission is to one day help others, so I NEED to get well. There is no other option. I don't want to die!
/hazelfalling

hazeleyes, hang on. okay? we all go through rough times in therapy and sooner or later..we get it...xoxoxo pat p.s. you're not an alien here. trust me, we're all in this together.

[Twinks]

Hazeleyes,

You are not hopeless, you are brave.
Therapy is hard.
To progress you have to struggle.
You are braver than most. Be kind to yourself.

In time the backpack gets lighter. Many of us are on the same path. It's nice to have company.

Twinks

[(JD)]

Welcome hazel.. maybe things are being taken in too big of steps in therapy? Are you sure about your goals? Sometimes ppl can "shoot themselves in the foot" while attempting to do too much.. or going the wrong way... when they think they want it but inside, don't? TC & welcome.

[wi_fighter]

I'm learning all the things to do and not to do, too. It IS hard to change your patterns. It's like "what will I do once I dont' have that (whatever that is) dragging me down?"

Alot of people enter therapy because they know something is wrong and thats the "right theing to do" but yet even though its "the right thing to do" they still arent "ready" for therapy. boy was I one of those people.I was in therapy to be fixed not to do anything hey they're the professionals they do it thats what I pay them for right. So I bounced from one professional to another and getting mad when they couldn't fix me. and even though I didn't want to do anything I stuck it out for a bit. then I took a very looong break to the point where I was in danger of losing the most important person in my life - my son. I had no choice if I wante d my son I had to figure out what I had to do. I wanted to take it all on at once and be done and have my son home, and then I would get so overwhelmed that I wanted to quit, I just couldnt do any thing right so my therapist told me to stop just stop trying to take care of everything. we were going to do this one step at a time, one issue at a time. We picked one issue to work on and that issue we broke down into ALOT of little things to do. and then we took ONE little thing for example she asked if I journal I told her yea so the first thing she wanted me to do was keep a daily journal. Thats it. even if I sat down for 2 minutes and wrote the sentence this is stupid over and over again thats considered a journal entry. By the end of the week I was writing pages. (LOL my present therapist wont read my journals anymore because I write too much and she doesn't have the time for it.). Basically what I am getting at here is don't streess it just because therapy is the "right thing to do" when you are ready and you find that one goal that you cannot live without then the time will be right for you to do the work. In the meantime stick with it as long as you can taking it one issue, one step with that issue at a time. This may not feel like totally fixing you but it does give some relief. Take care.

[kimmydawn]

Hazeleyes, Welcome!!!!

What a brave post and what a brave you! I agree with what's been said here...therapy in and of itself is a brave task!

It took me a long time to be able to delve in. I not only had to trust my therapist completely, I had to trust myself! You'll get there. I know this because you continue to go back and try. YOU ARE WORTH IT.

I'm glad you've come. I hope to read more from you

Again, welcome!

KD

[jennie]

I used to feel like a hopeless case, wasting my counselor's precious time. I think over time that feeling of yours will diminish. You are not hopeless! You have the right to vent. ((((((((hazeleyes))))))))))

[Quay]

Hi, and welcome. I really like the name, Hazeleyes.

I always felt like a hopeless case. I knew it was only a matter of time before my T threw me out for not working hard enough and not changing fast enough. I also felt like I knew what I had to do, but I just wasn't doing it. I figured that would tick him off and he'd kick me out for that reason, or at the very least, chew me out for it. When I finally had the nerve to say some of this to him, he just kind of looked at me quizically. He asked how that would help, for him to be one more person sitting on my shoulders in judgment? He said, "you've had enough people judge you already, and I'm including you, yourself. I won't add to that."

I guess part of the reason we're there, is that we need some help. If we could do all this ourselves we wouldn't need a T. So don't kick yourself for not getting stuff done. Trust in yourself and therapy, when it feels right and you're comfortable with it, you'll do what you need to.

You mentioned that eventually you would like to help others. I think quite a few of us here have that same aim. One of the things that keeps me focused on trying to change and not giving up on T, is that I too, would like to help people someday. I figure I have to be as healthy as I can be emotionally to be able to do that, so I stay in T, and push myself to face the stuff I don't want to, and to do all that other uncomfortable but important work we have to do.

Don't be to hard on yourself. TC, Quay

[Maven]

I am scared to death to do some of the therapy I've been told to do, because I've done it and not had it work. I also know things that do work for me, so that is what I focus on. I've had therapists tell me to just make myself dirty (I have OCD) and don't wash for a few minutes, or even a few hours. I've done that many times, and it didn't feel any better later. I've even gone DAYS and I got worse, not better. But I'm not posting today to get into my frustrations, much as I'd like to--I have to find more time to do so. My point is, even if you feel hopeless sometimes--remember that you're not hopeless. Despite all my problems, I've had some successes. Never forget your successes.

[hazeleyes]

Thank you ((all)) for welcoming me to the forum, I'm glad I found this site! I am learning new ways of looking at therapy and everything that I go thru with your help. I will try to not be so hard on myself, and to not stress therapy. After all, there's no time limit ... that I have to be cured in so and so many weeks. Who knows how long it will take? To me it has always been about control, and that I haven't allowed myself to be "weak" or make mistakes... (Who did I think I am?) Have to come to terms with the fact that I am a human being, just like everyone else. But it's so hard to accept my weak spots. I want to get rid of the bad stuff once and for all. I know it doesn't work that way. It's a life long process, and I have to do the work (with some help). Again... thanks for being here.
/Hazeleyes

[Azalysa]

What everyone else said!!

Adding my welcome {{{{{{{hazeleyes}}}}}