Please help me figure this out

OMG! 3 weeks?? And I'm whining because I'll have a 12 day break? I don't know how I'd survive 3 weeks.

I can't email T and she won't return phone calls unless I request it and I'm fine with both of those boundaries.

Where I'm lucky is that I can leave messages on her phone and almost always I will gain some kind of insight right after session and invariably I will leave a message about it. My T has told me it is perfectly o.k. to do that. I had worried about boundaries but she affirmed that if it helped me, there was no problem.

Rainbow:
Hey,
sorry im only seeing this message now. It's not hard for me to understand because I battle these feelings to, I know it's hard to gain control of them. The reason I actually had to push myself to cope better was that my support was taken away from me without warning at one stage and I was treated badly by the health system so I had to tell myself to cope alone because no one cared - it was an extremely painful time for me but I came out of it stronger. But I stil have my moments were I let things take over and i panic and get upset.

I hate the word manipulation but I am a lot more willing now to accept that I have done it and even talk about it if I accidently do it now, which happened afew months ago with my therapist. I would text her something and then say "you dont have to answer this, I undertand the boundaries" - I wasnt trying to be manipulative at all, but at the same time I was leaving her in a bit of a limbo about whether or not to reply and by texting in the first place I was kind of getting her involved anyway. It's not completely manipulative but my T explained to me how it could come across that way and although it was difficult to hear as I try so hard not to be, I can at least learn from it.

May I ask if you have BPD? If you dont want to answer either way then just ignore that question, I wont mind

Suratji - It's good that you know the boundaries and are comfortable with them. I never had my T email address before but its actually how I got in contact with her in the first place so I have it and shes ok about me emailing but we dont really email back and forth, she just maybe writes a line to acknowledged she receieved it and we talk about it in the session.

xxxx

dizgirl, I've been open on PC about having BPD, so I don't mind answering you. My T thinks I now have only 3 of the 9 criteria, but I know a lot of my feelings and actions are due to having BPD. Why do you ask? Is it obvious because of my neediness for my T and for testing boundaries?

Hey Rainbow , I think it's just obvious to me (probably not everyone) because I have read so much about BPD since I have it also, so when I read the things you have said you remind me of me at various points in my journey with it It's a very tough condition to have and I think very misunderstood at times.