T didn't email me Friday

My T always emails me on Fridays now. That's when I get my one email for the week. I saw her on Wednesday instead of Tuesday, and I only emailed once, on Thursday night. She still hasn't emailed, so I'm getting worried that something is wrong. She ALWAYS emails me on Fridays.

I just emailed her, asking if anything was wrong, or maybe she didn't get my email, or maybe she didn't have time on Friday, or maybe she sent it and I didn't get it. I said I was sad and disappointed but I know she didn't forget me.

I wish it didn't bother me so much. I look forward to that one email on Friday. I sure hope nothing is wrong!

How disappointing! But, I'll betcha everything is ok Rainbow. Hpe you hear from her soon.

i know how important that email is to you hopefully she will e-mail you soon.just a reminder that she does care a lot about you .it hurts when this kind of thing happens

It's the middle of the night and I can't fall asleep! I'm sure she's fine but what if she's not? I listened to my meditation recording just so I could hear her voice. I realize how much I care about her, how much she means to me, and how much I want to continue therapy with her. I am so grateful that she's been my T for over a year now. I'm getting too nostalgic and teary-eyed. I have to go to sleep so I can wake up and hopefully find an email from her.

i hear ya rain are you able to just sit with these feelings of caring about your t .maybe think if i fall asleep maybe i can have good dreams about t.i am sure she is ok.maybe because it is the weelend she will get back to you monday.

I hope you've gotten to sleep and are sleeping soundly now! I hope when you awake again there will be an email from your T. Maybe she went out and had a a nice evening and it was late when she got in and she got busy yesterday :-) I had a friend come over and we watched all the horse racing (I'm in Maryland so we had the Preakness race excitement here) and it was finally such a beautiful day; we cooked/ate out and went for a boat ride, etc. I hope your T had a great weekend and won't feel too bad about forgetting to email you and you won't give her too hard of a time for forgetting

Hey Rainbow,

I hope that you get an email from your Therapist soon. Does she reply on weekends? I am asking as perhaps she will reply on monday when she gets back to the office? It's most likely that something came up that prevented her getting to the computer to email you. I understand that it is very disappointing and upsetting to wait on that contact and to not get it...i'm sure there is a good reason. *hugs*

(((((((rainbow)))))))))

Did she ever say she would always email you on Fridays? Or is that just your expectation?

I'm sure she'll get around to it when she has time. She's probably been busy and didn't get to it.

I opened my mail and there was NO email! Then it popped up just as I started to cry!!! She was busy all Friday and said she was sorry.

Yes, we have an agreement she will email me on Fridays; it's not just my expectation. Yes, she will email me on the week-ends. She doesn't wait until she gets to the office.

I am so relieved!! I wrote that i didn't know if it was healthy how much I care about her but if anything happened I would have to be strong because she would want me to. When you care about people you can lose them, and I asked if it was worth it? I know it is, but it's hard....

So happy, happy, HAPPY you heard from her Rainbow!

In her email, she asked if I could change the time this Tuesday so I emailed back that I could. Then I wrote the rest. I was NOT manipulating her because I can write as much as I want, and I know I get only 1 back. That's our agreement. However, she emailed me again, thanking me for changing the time of my session, and added that we will talk next session about the part that panicked about her delay in writing. She said I shouldn't think about whether it's healthy or not, that it's just "where I'm at." She said it was "grist for the mill" in our work. She said she knows she's breaking her rule of writing back, too.

That makes me think that needing to hold her hand for almost the whole last session was "just where I'm at, too." I'm not supposed to judge myself.

I am really glad that she replied to your emails and that you can now rest knowing she is ok! She sounds very understanding.
I know what you mean in your last post about how you can loose people you care about and in this case a professional. I have lost my "professional" person 3 times in the past 5 years and I am likely to loose my current one within the next year and that is devistating. My heart goes out to anyone who ever goes through that and I hope you never have to!

Rainbow, so glad you heard from her and now you can relax a little . Yes, you are correct we are not suppose to judge ourselves and just "be" with our feelings and thoughts we are having at the moment.

hey rainbowi am so glad you heard from her and things are ok

I'm glad you finally got your email from her and that you are relieved that she is okay. I'm troubled though by her "breaking her own rule" by writing a second email. All that does is tell you that she will sometimes slide with her boundaries. Didn't this happen before? Don't you think you will come to expect that she might break her rule again next week, and then be disappointed when she doesn't?

Tay, I KNEW you (or someone) would question my Ts breaking her rule. In fact, I wasn't at all expecting another email from her. I have a few thoughts about this, and I will talk with her about it too.

First, maybe she thought she had to confirm that my appointment was changed to the new time, not the regular time. If that hadn't been part of the email, I don't think she would have written again.

On the other hand, no one is perfect and I knew that at some point my T would break her own rule. She's a little indecisive, like me. She told me that months ago. I know boundaries and limits are there for a reason. I know that usually my T will hold by her 1 email rule. But I also know that she's flexible. I suppose she thought, since she broke our agreement about writing on Friday, she would respond to my worries about her. I don't know. I plan to ask her.

No, I won't expect her, under normal circumstances, when she emails me on Fridays, to email me again. She and I understand one another pretty well, and I know the rule was to prevent an escalation of emails with both of us getting upset. That didn't happen here. I like the fact that she's wishy-washy like me. I still trust her 100%!

I so know that pain. It doesn't seem to ever resolve, just builds with every new loss. I hurts more every time. I have ask in therapy how to resolve it and nothing has helped. I am sorry you feel it coming. I am always waiting ....

Hehe, I love that.

I am absolutely baffled, though impressed, about being worried about her! ... I guess I've never really had to take care of anyone that way!

lyib, I don't want you to think I'm totally unselfish. I'm worried about HER mainly because I need her for ME. I can't separate which is which. I like her so much that I would be devastated if she died (her or I moving away wouldn't be so disastrous but I'd hate that too) because she's a special person. But I don't want anything to happen to her because every session is important to me, and I want to do this work with her. I am getting farther with her than with any other T, so the thought of it ending for whatever reason is painful to contemplate.

dizgirl and nannypat: I'm sorry you've lost your Ts for whatever reason. It's very, very hard.

Thanks for understanding....I am "always waiting" too...

Rainbow, thank you also. The people I have lost have not always exactly been T, but they were professionals and my main support at the time. It's a very hard loss to deal with - to be important to someone one minute (supposidly) and then to never see them again - it seems cruel in many ways.

I put a trigger on this reply for talking about death

dizgirl, that's my fear, that somehow I will lose my T before I'm ready. No one else makes me feel as satisfied as she does. I've felt that way about all my Ts but more so with this one. I love her like friends or family, and I know some of that is transference, but it's still my feeling. I've taken risks with her that I've never taken with any other T. I don't know how I would function without her, like if she died. No one IRL can substitute or give me what she has. She wants me to give it to myself, but I still need HER hand, HER words, HER smile. I have her inside of me but I want her outside of me too. I wish I knew why I'm so pathetic. She would hate my saying that, but it's so hard to think about loss, especially if someone dies. This transfers to death of my family, but that's so terrible to contemplate I don't know which is worse. Sorry about this venting right now.

((((((((((((((((((( rainbow )))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks for all the hugs, SAWE. I've got to go tomorrow and talk about being scared and sad. I don't want to. I don't understand myself.