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  #51  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 12:30 AM
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I just found this thread again and it made me smile when I read what my T does for me and what other T's to for you guys. Anyone else want to add in here what there T does for them when they cry if they haven't replied yet??

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  #52  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 06:23 AM
sittingatwatersedge sittingatwatersedge is offline
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It took years for me to be able to cry in front of T.
She once asked me, what would yr best friend do if you started crying? What would you want me to do ?
My friend would probably say something like "Oh, SAWE," with feeling in her voice that showed me she cared for my sadness; she might just lay her hand on my arm, or come to sit by me.
I told T all of this and she has never done any of it (so why ask, I wonder).

If tears fall she does offer a box of Kleenex, although there is one right beside my chair, but as to the look on her face, I have no idea because at those moments I am not thinking of her... If I did think of her watching me, instead of being focused on the subject matter, I would fight back the tears no matter what. does that make any sense?

An earlier poster said >> I am glad my T doesn't touch me when I cry, because I feel if he did, I would just lose it, and really start crying much harder.
I agree, but have told T that I would prefer that she do or say something that WOULD make me cry more. That shocked her I think, and she wanted to know why; the why is, I fight crying so much; and if I would just lose it, maybe I could get through some of these issues much sooner instead of coming back to them over and over and over again. But again, she has never done any such thing.
Thanks for this!
PTSDlovemycats, Suratji
  #53  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 06:44 AM
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dizgirl2011 dizgirl2011 is offline
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Mine sits and looks at me, she allows the silence but sometimes will ask questions or make statements. She often gets up and and gets the box of tissues and hands them to me. I never let myself fully break down, I try very hard to hold it in. She pointed it out before how much restraint I was using to stop myself crying fully.

I only cry fully on my own. When I cry it is so painful my body curls in, in pain and I feel like I can't breath. I usually wait till my parents (who I live with) go to bed and I cry into my pillow.
Thanks for this!
PTSDlovemycats
  #54  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 10:13 AM
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Awe, Dizgirl, I hope you don't cry into your piloow at night too often Sweetie!
  #55  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 10:57 AM
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dismantle.repair dismantle.repair is offline
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I've never cried. I don't cry, generally. I cried last week because of extenuating circumstances.
Before that, it would've been about 3 years ago.

I don't think I ever came close with my counselor, but once or twice I actually had to stop because I got overwhelmed by what I was saying... I don't know if she noticed, but I pulled myself together quickly, shook it off and moved on.
I generally just say, "Hmph," and look down for a sec, pull myself up by my bootstraps and move on.
Thanks for this!
PTSDlovemycats
  #56  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 11:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dizgirl2011 View Post
I only cry fully on my own. When I cry it is so painful my body curls in, in pain and I feel like I can't breath. I usually wait till my parents (who I live with) go to bed and I cry into my pillow.
dizgirl - we have this in common. I can totally relate and understand this as I have been there.

....to answer the question, when I've cried in session, my therapist is quiet for a bit (doesn't offer the tissues that are sitting right in front of me) ... then eventually asks me what I'm feeling.
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through great effort and willpower,
but is already present,
in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.


~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~

Thanks for this!
PTSDlovemycats
  #57  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 11:06 AM
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When I do, which is often, she'll get up and hand me a tissue. Even if the tissues are on the table next to me, she'll get up and get one for me anyway.
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Thanks for this!
PTSDlovemycats
  #58  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 11:09 AM
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Thank-you for this thread - sometimes I desperately want to cry, but I can't let myself - I even told my T not to leave the box of kleenex next to me at each session as it feels like that is the "goal" to get me to cry - so it is great to read that:

a) others have taken time to be able to cry in front of their T
b) their T was really supportive, or actually they felt supported even without their T doing any more than just being there.

I do think my T would probably be supportive - will post again when those dreaded tears show themselves.
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Thanks for this!
PTSDlovemycats
  #59  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 12:01 PM
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i have never cried in front of t, if i did i would like him to come and sit next too me, but i doubt he ever would.

i always bring in my own kleenex every appt and have never once used them... don't want to take t's.
i would feel like i need to ask and if i am crying; don't want to be in that position i like being prepared
Thanks for this!
PTSDlovemycats
  #60  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 01:34 PM
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PTSDlovemycats PTSDlovemycats is offline
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SoupDragon, I hope that your tears start to flow soon!
Thanks for this!
SoupDragon
  #61  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 01:50 PM
Anonymous47147
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we are not criers although T wishes we were because that would be "healing".

Hm.... I have cried once or twice, my T took me in her arms and held onto me which was comforting. She also does that when the little inside kids cry i think. I tend to lose time [blank out] when they get that upset so I am not sure. One time one of the littlest ones was crying and T started to cry, and she reached up and wiped the tears off T's cheeks for her. T did the same. i thought that was kinda sweet.
Thanks for this!
PTSDlovemycats, SpiritRunner
  #62  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 01:56 PM
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PTSDlovemycats PTSDlovemycats is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahMichelle View Post
One time one of the littlest ones was crying and T started to cry, and she reached up and wiped the tears off T's cheeks for her. T did the same. i thought that was kinda sweet.
SarahMichelle, I think that is VERY sweet!
  #63  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 04:13 PM
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My T handed me tissues. I needed nurturing at that time. Toward the end I was getting them by myself.

Usually he just sat with me until I regained composure.
Thanks for this!
PTSDlovemycats
  #64  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 05:47 PM
itsmeshorti itsmeshorti is offline
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Wow Thank You for this post I have read through the whole thread and I can relate to so many people.

My last T would try to encourage my crying which I found distracting. He would say very gently, compassionately "It's ok to let go, It's ok to cry, You're safe here." That right there broke it. I know he was trying to help, but for me it made me aware of my crying and I would shut down again. The one day he was handing me a tissue I about decked him I thought he was going to touch me!!!

My current T I am comfortable crying, but not fully letting go I have only done it once and completely hated myself afterwards for "acting" that way. Just today she said it's ok your doing good, which was very comforting, but once I gathered myself to prevent the total breakdown I could not finish what I was saying, shut down.

I feel like such a little kid when I really let go and cry - sobbing, snotty face, can't breathe. I feel like if I don't hold back I will end up doing just that. I know it's ok in therapy and I know my T is ok with it, but I am so embarrassed. I get so mad at myself for letting go. I don't even cry when I am alone. I wish I could, but I hate letting go.

I can't look at T when crying, I look afterward, and she is just sitting there quietly, patiently, allowing me to feel. She does not make any sympathetic gestures. Sometimes we keep talking and she has such a compassionate voice, sometimes she stays silent.

Tissues - she has never given me a tissue they are right in arms reach. Total breakdown day I just sat there sobbing letting the tears run wiping my face with my sleeve, when things calmed down she directed me to the tissues, which was kind of a nice distraction. One day the tissue box was almost empty, the next week the tissue box was almost empty (still? am I the only one who cries in here?) but when I walked in she said oh here let me get another box of tissues. Grrr I'm not crying anymore. I know she didn't do it on purpose, but I felt like such a baby? Oh shorti is here gonna need those.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ECHOES View Post
Your post also is making me think about my wanting comfort. Comfort IS a distraction and it's why it feels good to receive; the person offering the comfort provides relief and distraction, so I don't have to feel so much. So, I think that wanting comfort is yet another way I resist or attempt to resist in therapy. Wanting comfort becomes a point of stop-thinking. Wanting comfort stops me from exploring some things because I tell myself that there would be no comfort, so why even go there.
This really got me thinking. I really want that comfort, but when T acknowledges me crying I feel childish. I need to stop acting like a baby "toughen up". And it's not T, it's my upbringing. Comfort was to stop you from crying not fully allow it.

Lastly I wish T would give hugs (comfort) at the end of the session. After exposing myself like that I really just need that comfort of you'll be ok.

Sorry so long, but a lot of thoughts came up with this post. Thanks again.
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Thanks for this!
itsmeshorti
  #65  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 06:38 PM
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PTSDlovemycats PTSDlovemycats is offline
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Itsmeshorti- Have you asked your T if you can have a hug? You may be disappointed but you may also be pleaseantly surprised. Give it a shot..what do you have to lose?
Thanks for this!
itsmeshorti
  #66  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 06:53 PM
itsmeshorti itsmeshorti is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats View Post
Itsmeshorti- Have you asked your T if you can have a hug? You may be disappointed but you may also be pleaseantly surprised. Give it a shot..what do you have to lose?
Thanks for the reply but....
No way! The idea of her telling me no just breaks me. Ouch! Uh Uh no way. I'll go without! Afterall I went without that affection all my life, not getting one in therapy will not kill me.
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Thanks for this!
PTSDlovemycats, WePow
  #67  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 08:05 PM
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((((((big safe hugs)))))))
  #68  
Old Jun 13, 2011, 11:02 PM
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PTSDlovemycats PTSDlovemycats is offline
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Brightheart- I'm glad that you T was supportive of you when you cried.
  #69  
Old Jun 14, 2011, 10:19 PM
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PTSDlovemycats PTSDlovemycats is offline
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Just wanting to say how much I enjoy reading how much your T's all support all of you in their own ways.
  #70  
Old Jun 17, 2011, 11:30 PM
cmac13 cmac13 is offline
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I don't cry often in sessions, but have had tears in my eyes or a few roll down my cheek. She has told me that it is ok to cry and not to hold back. The one time I was totally crying uncontollably was when I knew after the session with her I had to go to the vet to put my pet to "sleep". When that happened she came over to me and hugged and held me. She even walked me out of the office through another exit out to the main hall so I did not have to walk through the waiting room where other clients were. I could barely stand up out in the hallway so she held onto me out there also and talked to me. She made sure I was alright to get in the car and drive. She also called me later on in the day to check up on me.
Thanks for this!
PTSDlovemycats
  #71  
Old Jun 18, 2011, 10:15 AM
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My T might cry with me, have tissues ready, but she will never touch me.....the days of the hugs are done and that is fine with me now. I want no one to touch me when I cry. When i cry, if I cry, I cry alone, because I am always alone.....
Thanks for this!
PTSDlovemycats
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