texting and emailing therapist

For me its a good way to feel connected to my T. Feels better when I am going thru something hard and I can let her know what's going on. Very often she doesn't have time to reply but that is ok. I don't analyze the things she says or doesn't say. T often says things like "send me some emails" about whatever is going on if I won't see her for a few days, so she can keep updated on what's going on with me.

This is my T's preferred method of communication. I agree, it sucks. Sometimes it's nice to send emails and texts to lay it all out there and let them have a heads up before session as to what is going on with us instead of spending the hour explaining. It's a nice way to "touch base". Yes - expecting replies comes also with disappointments. Email and texting is difficult to read. Because if I'm in a bad mood, I often read my T's response to be negative or condescending, which can spin one out of control. But, it's also a way to communicate without interrupting T's flow (calling) and just putting it out there.

Pros and cons I suppose.

When I was in a really intense phase of therapy, I did something really similar: I journaled after the session, broke down the process in words, came to new insights through processing, got the pain and emotions out on the page. This helped me make a lot of progress between sessions. I was always welcome to bring my journal to sessions, but never did. In session, I just picked up at the new place I was at and if journaling helped me get there, then great. The immediacy of having my journal always available to me really worked well. It was a great tool for me and I still use it.

Even though I really agree with what you wrote about how therapy should be individual based, I think not allowing emailing is close to what I've been thinking of doing in my future practice. Maybe I might allow clients to email me to change their appointment time, like my T allows me to do. But I think for me, a new practitioner who is inexperienced and still learning about the variety of clients, I would start with the no therapy by email policy. It wouldn't be so much the case that I believe all clients have the same needs, but that I am not experienced enough to have effective and therapeutic email conversations with clients. (I remember how rainbow wrote that her T used to agonize over every word in the emails she sent, so this is not something a T takes lightly.) But I would definitely encourage my clients to process their sessions by writing in journals, doing artwork, etc. As I gain more experience, I might allow emails for a broader range of reasons than just scheduling. We'll see how I do. I would definitely not allow texting, though. One of the worries I have with email is that clients would use it instead of face to face conversation. It might be a way to avoid learning to communicate in session. Even though the phone doesn't work for me and my T, I like the idea of clients using the phone to reach the T. (My T tends not to listen to messages the same day or return messages at all, or maybe that's just special treatment he has reserved for me!)

That's a really good point, farmergirl, and one I agree with. I see contacting the T as what you do in or near crisis, and I don't think email and text are good for that. Maybe what it comes down to is does the T tend to allow communication for more reasons than just crises? If the answer is no, then phone is best. If the answer is yes, then email and text might work as well.

Great discussion. I am reading and learning.

I agree that there are pros and cons of emailing your T. I've always been able to express myself better and more freely in writing than in speaking. I jumped at the chance to be able to email my T because my current T is the first T to allow it. (Years ago, we didn't even have email of course)
I like the chance to "get it all out", especially right after my session when all the feelings hit me. Some say it's better to wait until the next session, but I can't sit for a week with all of my feelings. So, in that sense email works for me.

What doesn't work is expecting a certain kind of response from my T. That's where the disappointment comes in with email, I think. Then there is the urge to email again, and have T email again, and it can spiral, like it did with me once.

Another reason I like emails more than phone calls is that I have a record of what I wrote, and if T responds, what she wrote. I forget a lot, and it helps me to reread what I emailed to my T right after a session. When I want to connect with my T, I reread some of the many emails I printed. They make me feel better and help me remember how much she cares about me and how she is helping me.

I agree that emailing depends on the T and the client; it's an individual decision on both parts, and needs to be thought about carefully, and rules may have to be changed if it's more harmful than helpful.

sunrise, we cross-posted. I don't know if all Ts "agonize" over what to write in emails, but mine said it was "therapy", and it mattered what she wrote, which is true. Of course, what a T says on the phone matters too. Maybe not as much because you don't always remember, whereas words are there forever.

If I had emailed my first T, when I had a hard time telling her my feelings, I would agree about not using it instead of face to face communication. I would have used email as a crutch. I've come a long way, and now I can say everything (well, almost) that I can email. I also think in granite's case, it could be helpful for the T to allow email as a means to start the communcation process and get the words out. But every T is different.

I think it makes sense not to allow email when you're just starting out as a T.

I haven't started T yet (first appointment is Tuesday), but the T I am seeing already emailed me to confirm the appointment and asked if I had any questions, so I am assuming she is open to communicating through email. So far, I have kept my questions basic (like do I need to bring anything with me and stuff like that). I don't want to get too detailed before meeting her and knowing if I can trust her or not. But, I like the availability to email her (at least so far) as I often forget to say things/ask things on the phone or in person.

Good luck Squirrel. Keep us posted with how your appointment goes!

I never want to email and/or text my T. I told her if she were to offer it to me that I'd never take her up on her offer. I have called my T three times in the year I've been seeing her and I have a hard enough time agonizing if she's going to call me back, which she always does. I couldn't imagine the agony I'd feel waiting for an email or a text. I am the self declared queen of misinterpretation, especially of tone, when it comes to emails and texts. Plus, I hate texting. When my friends text me I always fuss at them and say, "Why the heck didn't you call me? You know I hate texting!". LOL! I'd rather talk to my T and friends over the phone or face-to-face.

I don't text her at all, but I do email. I don't expect a reply email though. I use it as a form of release.

When I was seeing my latest therapist (for about eighteen months), I never emailed or texted the guy about emotional issues. We did occasionally exchange emails if I needed to reschedule. I've also been interested to see here how many people email their therapists with actual issues in between sessions. It's something I've never done, and it until I joined this forum, I didn't even realize it was an option.

I suppose I assumed it was forbidden by professional protocol. You know, like you get charged every time you call up a lawyer. If you're emailing your therapist with things that would normally be addressed in-session, you're attempting to get free therapy in between the paid sessions. Or that's what it seemed like to me.

I think in excessive calling, texting and emailing that there's an unconscious desire to test the therapist. I can see a client pushing for more communication, for more contact outside the frame of therapy, as proof that the therapist really cares and is not just approaching their therapeutic role as a job.

And some clients do get really panicky in between their sessions. If you need a few words of assurance in between sessions, it's probably okay to ask for and receive that kind of thing on a limited basis. But I think it's inappropriate to regularly expect therapeutic help via text or email in between sessions. If I were a therapist I would feel taken advantage of, and I'd probably have to set a policy if it were starting to be a problem.

I guess as a client I would say, ask your therapist what their guidelines are, and abide by them

Email has become a problem for me. I've always felt like i needed to have contact between sessions in order not to feel anxiety about the therapy relationship. I'm not completely sure what causes the anxiety or what it is about. I just know that it is an urge to have some kind of contact or communication with her, and if i get that, then the anxiety goes away (unless her reply includes something that feels offputting or that i don't understand).

The worst part is the waiting to hear back, or if she replies that she's too busy for my concerns. Then i feel humiliated for making myself vulnerable like that and being turned away. I end up feeling angry with her for not caring enough to give at least a short reply to my concern, and angry with myself for being needy and and bothering her in the first place. This usually results in me feeling rejected and then pulling way back in the relationship, which my t feels as distancing. Part of the problem is that my t always replied in the past, and now she has changed things, and it's hard to get used to without feeling that she doesn't care about me as much as she did before.

I've decided that, even though it makes sense that my t would sometimes be too busy to respond, it triggers my rejection and abandonment issues too deeply when that happens. So I'm finally at a point where i just don't want to email her anymore.

I think that if i didn't have such severe rejection and abandonment issues, then my t's business and lack of response wouldn't bother me so much, and i would be able to look at things logically and not feel bad. But something about it just feels so reminiscent of the past, where i wasn't helped or protected or responded to when i was in distress -- and i can't handle how it makes me feel. It's like having an emotional flashback or something. The pain is extreme, and i can't put things into proper context.

As I have stated in here many times, I do have email contact with my therapist between sessions. I probably email 2-3 times per week. It is just part of my therapy. She encourages it. Not sure she does that with every client, but she sees that I am a writer and I communicate well in my emails.

We use it mainly to process and work on my homework assignments. I don't see it as getting free therapy. I see it is as "part" of my therapy. At one point, I did stop emailing and we had several sessions trying to determine why I had done that. She assured me that she was totally fine with it and strongly encouraged me to continue since it was working great for me (and her).

Again, she is in private practice and works part-time. I am sure that this is one reason she is so free and open with me to email her between sessions. Yes, she does respond in detail to my emails (as you have seen here when I posted them.)

Like I said, email part of mytherapy just as much as when I have a face-to-face session with her.

Not sure how I feel about this, but I do not feel the need to text. I did tell the doc and T about joining this forum and I got a great big be careful. So texting and email will probably not be done. This forum allows me to realize that other people are going thru the same stuff as me and I do not feel as isolated. I just think the ones who text and email need more help than me, and that is ok. No judgements here.

my T also texts me sometimes to see how i am doing... that makes me feel better. just to know someone is there.

One of the reasons I brought this subject up was because there was life before email and texting and somehow clients survived between sessions...of course maybe they made more phone calls then I don't know.

Uh... yeah but back then people did therapy on a couch and it was every day of the week.

Man, can you imagine??? What a trip that would be.

Lol, omg, I don't think I would like that!!!

But seriously, I bet you all of Freud's patients would have texted him!!

Like the early 1990's - managed care just got started and clients were definitely not seeing their therapists everyday because health insurance would not cover it (here in the USA). I work in the field of mental health. The days of psychoanalysis began to wind down in the early 1980s.

Psychoanalysis thrives and is modern in form, as well as traditional in form.
While some psychonalysts may use the couch, most don't, having reconsidered Freud's concept of the "blank slate" as being therapeutic. Some psychoanalysts do still see a patient 4-5 times per week.

Not in any agency I have worked in or therapists I know...Insurance just does not cover that...maybe if you are rich and paying cash...

My former therapist use to let me text or email when I needed to, but then he got to where he would text me all the time and we would text back and forth a lot. It caused me to get too dependant on his help and when I told him I was uncomfortable with my attatchment he got mad at me and blamed it on the texting which he blamed on me. Needless to say he crossed boundries with me by allowing texting and crossed many more after that. I have had many therapists in my life and he was the only one I ever had that problem with. I have to say I would never allow texting or emailing if I were a therapist it can send the wrong message and create a severe dependance. Of course this therapist was an emotionaly abusive man who should not have been in the mental health field or allowed out in public for that matter. Im still suffering from his disgusting behavior.

I texted my therapist once when I was in a crisis but there was no fixed session ahead (she had left it open-ended because she thought I was better). Other than that, I am very uncomfortable seeking her out first because I feel like she will find me needy/annoying/attention-seeking. So basically she almost always texts me first, either to confirm appointment timings or to check on me, though sometimes she does not reply me I know this is because she is off-work as she knocks off at about 5.30 p.m. but it hurts me a little to know that I'm considered as "work" and can never be close to her the way her family is (lucky people!!) For example last Fri she texted me to see how I was doing (as I was feeling suicidal) and I replied saying no, but my hallucinations were getting worse, and she asked how that made me feel, after which she did not reply (about 6 p.m.). And of course, I didn't hear from her over the weekend.

Haha I get what you mean by the problems w.r.t. texting/emailing. This is why I don't don't email and only text when she does. It mostly has to do with my intense dislike of neediness (though I do need her more than words can describe) but also because she has never explicitly said that I could call and I didn't want to catch her in a meeting/lunch or session with another client.