Is there something you'd like to tell your therapist but you can't?

Dear T,

I am glad that you tried to make me feel better about coming to my session tomorrow. I am still quite anxious about talking about the pics. Do you think I am strange?

Squiggle

Flooded, I can actually honestly say yes to both questions. I feel better and I am able to cope better as well...

Then your therapeutic relationship is working for you - for now.

Thanks Flooded, I think you are one of the only ones here that think that...

I actually told my T today that she should just let me move in with her and it would make things A LOT easier....

I've been in a dual relationship. A VERY deep one. I understand

Thanks, it helps to know that someone actually understands and it not judging it.

we need our own thread

Yea!! It could be callled "Flooded cats" LMAO!

I agree. This is getting off topic from what this thread is intended to be about.

Dear T,

So I actually told you that I wanted to move in with you today. You said that you didn't think it would be good for me. Ca you please reconsider?

Cats.

I think it's working for you too. This may also be because my own relationship with my T blurs the lines. It works for us though.

Dear T,

I miss you...

sorry

Also sorry.

Dear T,

Can I please sleep at your house tonight? I feel very little and I scared. PLEASE??

Cats.

Dear T,

Please help me. I'm scared. Really scared.

Cats.

Dear T,
I haven't gone very deep in session lately because I'm in the middle of moving to a new town and a new job, and going into past abuse issues is just too much to handle right now. You know that already.

But yesterday when I started to go a little deep (for the first time in a while) about my fears about the new job, mainly stuttering out of fear my first few days, you brushed it off with a light "oh you'll do fine" comment.

NO I WON'T! I know myself and my history of fear and speech issues and so do you and I'm pissed and hurt that you just blew it off like that!

And stop bouncing your leg already! You KNOW it's a trigger!

dear t, i have been trying to get an appt since thursday and still, nothing WTF????? are you trying to give me hints to not go back again???? enough already. make up your mind. either yes or no.
and answer me tonight please. don't make me wait another day!

Dear T. We have a session tomorrow morning. And if you just sit there the whole entire session mirroring my words and shaking your head in acceptance of everything I say, then I just want you to know, its a waste of both your time and mine. I know you always told me that its always the clients choice when they need to take a break or end. But, I can't help wondering if you play around with the idea in your head that perhaps you are just sick of me after this year and a 1/2. Your approach is psychodynamic....so doesn't that mean that you sign on the dotted line for whatever goes a long with that. I rely on the sessions each week, I told you this. So, please do whatever you can to help me stay connected and do some real work. lately, I'm leaving our sessions feeling quite empty and I'm pretty darn sure that I don't need to feel like that anymore than I already have my entire life.

Dear T,

Thank you for understanding about the pics I have of you. I was so afraid to tell you, because I was afraid that you would reprimand me. Well, I kinda knew you wouldn't, but I wasn't sure.

We had a fabulous session today. I had no idea that we would go so deep into my soul! It is almost like going into a trance. I wasn't meaning to ignore you when I turned my chair around and faced the wall. I just didn't want you to see me cry. I mean the 'ugly' cry! I really needed to cry today. That is why I turned my chair around.

You asked me how old I felt when I did that. I just threw an age out there and said, "Six". Not sure why I picked that age. Maybe because I felt like a Kindergarten child who was being put in time out? I don't recall being put in time out, so that was odd.

I do remember you calling my name a number of times. Did you think that I was dissociating? I felt like I was. I felt like I had totally left the room! It was a very peaceful feeling. I wanted to stay in that place longer, but I was concerned that I would take up too much time. I knew you had an appointment after me today.

Now I have this horrible headache! I have this weird feeling going on. It is strange and hard to explain. You asked me if I felt 'drained'?? Yes, that might describe it. You also said that I did some really good work today. That made me happy!

I wish that I could see you again on Thursday, but I know that you couldn't work two appointments in for me this week. Would it be okay if I called you? I think that I need to get some clarity on exactly what happened today.

Squiggle

T,

I am a DRUNK.

I know you're aware of my alcoholism, and you have a general idea of how much I drank... but I don't know how to tell you the whole truth...

I.

Am.

A.

Drunk.

For years I've lived in filth... going days, weeks and sometimes months without bathing. My apartments have always been so disgusting that I can't manage to walk through the piles of trash. I black out, sleep where ever I pass out, engage in risky and indiscriminate sexual behavior, urinate anywhere including in my clothes closets, I'll eat rotten and moldy foods, and then hurt myself until I pass out so I can wake up and do it all over again. I hate myself and I hate drinking... except when I love drinking, then I just hate myself. I absolutely cannot go back to that life.

I've been sober for almost six months now with your help. And you have been very supportive. But I need to tell you why I'm so scared. If I can't find a way to get honest and work to solve what pains me then I'm afraid I won't be able to stay sober. There's a war going on between drunk CoY and sober CoY... drunk CoY literally keeps trying to kill me while sober CoY fights to keep me alive. It's been six months and I'm still not confident that I'm gonna win this one... which is unfortunate because my life is on the line.

I'll do anything. Please help me.

-CoY

P.S. Hope you're having fun on vacation. Please come home.

Dear T,
I know we have a mother-daughter type relationship in addition to the therapy relationship, but if you ever want to have a romantic relationship when my therapy ends, I'd love and honor you like you've never been before.
Love,
Crazy

P.S. I'll love you always no matter what but a romantic relationship seems like much more fun.

Dear T,

You really hurt my feelings tonight and I am still crying incase you care.

Cats.