Is there something you'd like to tell your therapist but you can't?

Hi T,

F**k you and f**k therapy. I just canceled two more appts. So there.

Flooded

Dear T, are you really qualified to help me? Do you think you can? We've had only one session but i don't know if you'll go the distance. I hope you can.
I need you.

Dear T,

Therapy feels different now.

Dear T -

I haven't seen you in THREE WEEKS, and I really miss you. The new couples counselor you recommended kind of sucked, but I guess I should give him at least one more chance. But really, he SUCKED.

See you in a week, and I hope you've set aside five hours just to deal with me and my crap!

- winter

Dear T—
Even though I keep saying our relationship isn’t real and doesn’t really mean anything, I’m only saying it to try to convince myself and keep you at a distance. Really, I’m just afraid of how much you would mean to me if I let you. Or how much you already do, if I’d let myself feel it.
I really don’t want to depend on you at all. Except that it’s also the thing I want most.
—me
PS: You already know all that, right? So, can you help?

Dear T,

So, i didn't email you this week. I didn't email you last week. I hope you feel happy that i'm leaving you alone. That's what you wanted, right?

Oh, and also…
Dear T—
I think you’re probably at least 20 years older than me, and I’m in my late 30s. Do you really think it’s a good idea to respond to my email with “kewl?” I mean, I imagine you to be ceaselessly hip, and brilliant too. So, um, really? I mean, you actually had to unlearn something to learn to spell it that way.
—me
PS: You remember that I taught English for a decade, right?

Oh, and dear T -

I am tired of hearing, "You don't SEEM like you're overwhelmed." I heard it from the new T this week already. Yes, I am aware that I appear cool, calm and collected. But please understand that over time, I have become a pretty good actress.

What do I have to do to get you to believe me? Yell, cry, and have a complete breakdown? I'm asking you for help, and that's hard enough already. Trust me.

Dear T--

It's been a few hours, and now I feel bad that I said something snarky about you. Even if it was to complete strangers. Even if you'll never see it.

Forgive me?

Dear Squiggle--

I this thread!

--me

Go ahead take you Fu--ing holiday. I don't care. Go away and leave me alone.

I asked my H what he thought of you, and he said you are a little too thin. I wish you weren't so thin. I don't like to hug you because it doesn't feel good for that reason. I'd NEVER tell you this because I don't want to hurt your feelings.

Dear T,

I am still thinking about what happened in our session yesterday. Thank you for explaining what disassociation means. You indicate that you think I may have blocked some things out and that is why I disassociate. I can't think of anything!

I am still trying to figure out what happened yesterday. How did I go from talking about an email from a friend, to sitting in the corner with my chair facing the wall? I don't remember anything about why I did that. I do remember saying that I was ready to leave and getting up. I walked to the window for a few minutes, then went to the chair and asked you if I could turn it around.

What happened to put me in that state of mind?? I wish I could email and ask you, but I know that that is something that you would rather address face to face. Waiting until Tuesday is going to be so long to find that answer!!

Squiggle

therapist,

I had a good session today. WE had a good session today. It felt good. ... so why am I sad now.

Dear T,

I would like you to tuck me in and read me a bedtime story. My first choice is Mother Goose's Nursery Rhymes. Please start with "Monday's Child." It is my favorite. As you read, please sit close enough so I can cuddle up to you. This will help me fall asleep. When the story is finished, it would be great if you could make sure I am snuggly tucked in under the covers, give me a kiss on the forehead, and say "goodnight, sweetie" as you turn off the lights.

Love,
Scorpio Sis

p.s. For story night, I will trade in my sexy negligees for fuzzy, feety pajamas with cows on them. This will surely make it less awkward that I am a 20+ year old woman who wants to be read a bedtime story by her therapist.

p.s.s. It's okay if you want to kiss my stuffed duckie goonight, too. He likes it.

p.s.s.s. I haven't forgotten any essential elements of the bedtime story, have I? You see, no one's ever read to me before so I want to make sure everything is juuuuust right!

Ummm, when she gets to the end of the story, you gotta ask for just one more

When I took care of little kids, sometimes I would check under the bed and in the closet for monsters. Although I think I didn't say monsters.. it was a funny animal who would cause mischief. Like a gorilla who would steal their socks if the socks were lying out. Or an invisible beaver who was very shy but loved bedtime stories and would only come out if we were quiet and hushed settling into bed.

As I'm writing this, I'm in bed and I actually stopped and looked at my closet and thought, it should be quiet enough for the shy beaver.

Thanks for the post; now I'll be headed off to bed with a smile on my face. You are so sweet. Anyone would be lucky lucky lucky to get to read you a bedtime story

Dear T,

You are trying to get rid of me aren't you?

Cats.

Dear T,

I'm afraid you can't hear me. Please hear me! I need to know you're not pushing me away. I need to know you truly do still care. I need help to manage all these separations. Please don't take the tough love approach. I need your help.

I like my hair rubbed while I'm being read to. OH AND the reader has to do all the different voices for all the different characters... it makes me giggle and feel safe.

Dear T,

Thanks for saying that you really like me and that you care about me and want to help me AND that you aren't trying to get rid of me, only trying to switch things.

Cats.

Dear T,
I told you that I wouldn't be very disappointed if you denied my request, but I misled you. Please don't say no to me.
Thanks,
Crazy

Hi T

Yep, I'm doing great. Better than I have in months.
What?? You want me to come back?

Not in this lifetime...

F

Dear T,
I'm trying to get the courage to trust today for our session. Please don't let me regret it and feel worse because I let my guard down.

Dear T,

I would rather be mad at you and believe you don't care about me -- and thus prevent attaching to you -- than to know how much you care, let it into my heart, and have to tell you goodbye when you retire.

Dear T,

Please teach me how to give and receive love, and then to say goodbye.