It's been a roller coaster today. I had T this morning, she's 45 minutes away. Then get to visit with expert-T (E-T) in the same town. Was really good seeing E-T. Really, really good. Then I had a lot of stuff to do. Things to get taken care of so had to drive back the 45 minutes to where I live. Then... Physician appointment back in the town where I see T... I made this appt 2 weeks ago because I'm NOT sleeping, my depression is bad, and I'm having physical problems with my knee. Well there was this huge, massive traffic jam. I called physician to alert them I'd likely be late. They said come in and they'd squeeze me in. I got there 40 minutes late. They wouldn't see me. I SOBBED. They wouldn't ask the DOCTOR. The DOCTOR would see me, I know she would. The nurses were like, nope. Which, being a person who has a schedule and has to keep appointments, I can understand. But usually my dr is really good about getting me in. So now the rescheduled appointment is in 2 more weeks. I lost it After driving all that way in traffic, enduring the stress of that, and then to be like, nope. I couldn't manage. Called T, who couldn't talk. Reached out to E-T who was super appropriate/supportive. I'm so, so thankful she was available and soothing.

It's been a CRAZY day. I'm still worn out from crying...

[karebear1]

((((((((((WePow))))))))))

and

((((((((((Stormy))))))))))

so sorry you both had such a tough day.

[elliemay]

It is sooooo hot here. It doesn't even cool down at night. I'm grumpy and sweaty.

[Rose76]

I am up since 6 AM. That's great for me. I feel good. Must clean my house today. Please let it not get very hot.

I couldn't sleep last night (again). I finally took Lunesta at 4:00am. I actually slept a few hours, but I was up by 8:00am. Took the dog to the groomer, stopped by to get a GIANT Diet Coke from the fountain at the gas station, got my oil changed in my car. Then back to pick up the dog.

I am wide awake and hyper, when I should be falling over asleep. I know that at any point I am going to crash! This is an indication that mania has arrived for a little while. She could be visiting for the day or she may hang around for weeks! I never know.

[lunarpariah]

Feeling really hyper and excited ... possibly because I mistakenly took my day meds in the night and my night meds in the day. No worries, chastity belt firmly in place. Learned from the past, just saying

Originally Posted by lunarpariah

Feeling really hyper and excited ... possibly because I mistakenly took my day meds in the night and my night meds in the day. No worries, chastity belt firmly in place. Learned from the past, just saying

I love this!

Going to a comedy club tonight with H and another couple...yay

Still basking in the T love I've been getting lately. That security makes everything else just a little bit better.

[crazycanbegood]

my exams are over. i think i failed. since im no longer distracted by the exams, my sadness has returned. i did find an apartment for the city im moving to and im excited about that, especially about living alone again. i will be moving far away from my T though.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Haven't been around here much - got insanely busy with work and a new puppy that's coming. Went to the movies and lunch with a friend today, and shared something that's been worrying me. She gently knocked some sense in to me. Been struggling with T a bit, but after the last session, I think we're getting back on track.

[nicoleb2]

Just got home from camping - had to leave cause a nasty storm was coming... it was also chaos though because people were NOT getting along...
SI urges are very high again tonight

Today has been a good day. Went to church this morning. Then I had a nice long chat with my husband. Now I think it is nap time!

[rainbow8]

I feel good! I went to an interesting lecture this morning, and later connected (hooray) with someone about genealogy!

[WePow]

Doing ok. It dawned on me that T is helping me because I pay him to help me.
Not sure why this simple fact of life didn't rivit my mind before, but it today it did.
Along with that, and the other emotions I had. It kinda made things more silent on the inside for me. Clinical. No longer emotional towards T at all. I feel like he is like my denstist now. Someone I am forced to see for my own health, but I don't look forward to the trip. And I certainly don't care a thing about getting to know who he is. Get in, get out.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by WePow

Doing ok. It dawned on me that T is helping me because I pay him to help me.
Not sure why this simple fact of life didn't rivit my mind before, but it today it did.
Along with that, and the other emotions I had. It kinda made things more silent on the inside for me. Clinical. No longer emotional towards T at all. I feel like he is like my denstist now. Someone I am forced to see for my own health, but I don't look forward to the trip. And I certainly don't care a thing about getting to know who he is. Get in, get out.

ouch

[Rose76]

Today, I've gotten about a third of my house cleaned up really well. Now I have the momentum to plow into the next third. I found unpaid bills that were overdue just lying here and there. I may have to borrow some money from a family member for the first time in years, but that's not the end of the world. And I've loaned to her, when she was in a jam. It would be great if I got hired for this job I applied for.

Tonight, my guy and I will have a nice spaghetti dinner with these delicious meat balls that we buy frozen - Rosina Brand. He will make the salad.

And I have had so much fun watching the birds outside my window trying to knock each other off the perches on the bird feeders. They are like a barrel full of monkeys.

I seem to be really improving. (Why did it take so long to get to this level?????)

[laceylu]

Trying to get organized. I feel like the dog hair is everywhere and out of control. I want to catch up on things I let slip due to college and T. I want to clean and get stuff done before I try this EDMR thing. I am trying to resist the urge to throw everything away so I can feel in control. My hubby is a collector- not good when I get in the throw it away mode. I clean my closet when I am feeling this way. Lets just say I have a really clean closet.

[laceylu]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Today, I've gotten about a third of my house cleaned up really well. Now I have the momentum to plow into the next third. I found unpaid bills that were overdue just lying here and there. I may have to borrow some money from a family member for the first time in years, but that's not the end of the world. And I've loaned to her, when she was in a jam. It would be great if I got hired for this job I applied for.

Tonight, my guy and I will have a nice spaghetti dinner with these delicious meat balls that we buy frozen - Rosina Brand. He will make the salad.

And I have had so much fun watching the birds outside my window trying to knock each other of the perches on the bird feeders. They are like a barrel full of monkeys.

I seem to be really improving. (Why did it take so long to get to this level?????)

So Happy for You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gardenangel]

Hubby and I are insulating under the house....fun (NOT!). Actually working side by side is fun, but, oh, how I would whether be curled up reading a good book. But, winter waits for no man.....

[kaliope]

Feeling better today. yesterday had an absolute meltdown and left a sobbing message for T involving a gun, not that i am suicidal, im not, just that i was thinking about bying one. then worried he might lock me up so after i got nice and relaxed after a few drinks i called back and apologized and assured him i was fine. this will be my 4th call to T since seeing him on tuesday. this is not normal for me. i hardly ever call him. but i have been struggling. i dont normally drink either, or gamble, i stopped that after i got stabilized but i did both last night. i went gambling while i was killing time waiting for a movie to start so i had a cocktail at the casino. then when i went to go to the moive i still had the taste of whiskey in my mouth and it ws soo good, so i decided to go home and get drunk instead.

[lastyearisblank]

Ouch, ((((kaliope))))

[dismantle.repair]

Today I let myself eat cake. Lots of cake. And I'm ok with it.
I'm 30lbs overweight, but I'm ok.

[Butterflies Are Free]

Struggling with biochemical depression this week - my doctor is slowly taking me off of my antidepressant because I have BiPolar Disorder and am a rapid cycler. This is the best thing to do and I am hopeful that in the end, it will work. I did take my dog for a walk in the park and bought a book for my T at the bookstore.

[confused and dazed]

Still feeling really sad...I can't seem to shake this.... I think I need chocolate

Excited about going back to work in the morning. I will have to get back into the routine of getting up at 5:30am!!