Originally Posted by Squiggle328

I am having my gall bladder removed and what they call a 'soft tissue' removal from my left wrist.

(((((((Squiggle))))))!!!! Good luck with the surgery

[kaliope]

Tree- so sorry about your pet. I lost my dog a couple years ago. she was 16. i had made the decision to put her down, but fortunately for me she chose to die the night before i had to do it. A few weeks later my T talked me into admitting myself because I had gone and bought a new car and was experiencing pyschosis. He didnt say her death triggered the mania, but i would venture to guess it had something to do with it.

I am doing well today. nothing to complain about. except people not returning my calls. $%#@*. have to work late again tonight teaching class. three nights in a row for the next several weeks. but i have fun teaching and all i do at night is isolate in my home stuffing my face so its really a good thing.

my daughter is in montana without cell phone service for the next ten days meeting her new inlaws. they are throwing her a wedding reception. im jealous they can do this for her. i dont want to share her. i miss her already. we text everyday and now i can only reach her on her husbands phone and that somehow feels intrusive to text him to reach her. he has a large family that is very close, something i was unable to give her. makes me feel inadequate. i am happy for her though. she wishes i was there too though so she didnt feel so selfconscious she told me.

[SoupDragon]

Energised

[laceylu]

Hard T session today. I disassociated and found myself wanting to puke. I now know the paint color on her walls is called warm muffin and she has lavender to smell. We went thru all 5 senses until I returned and felt safe. And I also know there is a puke can right near my chair. Now I know what her office looks like and she helped me trust her a little more. This may not be so bad.

[sunrise]

Squiggle, good luck with your surgery tomorrow.

Treehouse, I am so sorry to hear about your cat. I have two kitties and would be so very sad to not have them around anymore.

Today I had my T appointment. We went for a long walk to a place I had never been before. There were trees and flowers. The sun was out. We sat on a bench for a long time and talked. It was nice and I felt better.

Since I cannot eat anything after midnight (because of surgery tomorrow) I am making sure to binge eat for the next hour. Cinnamon Rolls and Peanut M & Ms!! Isn't it strange that we do dumb things like this? I am sure it is a psychological thing because I am not hungry at all!

[Indie'sOK]

Sorry to hear about your kitty, Tree. Last summer we had to put our cat down too...he was my precious angel

Good luck tomorrow Squig

[nicoleb2]

I'd swear I posted here yesterday, can't find the post now...

I am having a total emotional meltdown today. Crying, yelling at my husband, crying some more. I'm just tired of it all

Oh Tree I'm so sorry. I lost two of my pets recently and it broke my heart.
Squiggle good luck with your surgery. I'll be thinking of you.
Tomorrow I have a T appt. then have to go to the surgeon to have a triggering procedure done. I want to hide.

[rainbow8]

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, Squiggle. Is this outpatient surgery and you'll be home at night? Years ago when my Dad had gall bladder surgery, you were in for a week!! Times have sure changed!

[rainbow8]

I got triggered by hearing about my kids going on a vacation soon! I'm jealous and feel like I'm a bad person for that. I cried and cried, and emailed my T about it. Talked to my H about us going on day trips or something. There's something wrong with me. I feel so depressed about something I should be happy about.

[lastyearisblank]

So sorry, (((rainbow))). It's not your fault!!!!!

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, Squiggle. Is this outpatient surgery and you'll be home at night? Years ago when my Dad had gall bladder surgery, you were in for a week!! Times have sure changed!

Yes, it is outpatient surgery. Should be home around 3:00 this afternoon.

[mixedup_emotions]

((( HUGS ))) to everyone...and extra hugs to those who are going through a particularly difficult time right now....

I'm so sorry, Tree, about your kitty. It is SO hard to lose a beloved pet - especially when you have to put them down. I hope you are able to find peace in the good, long life you gave your kitty and knowing that kitty is at peace and is not suffering.

Squiggle - Good luck on your surgery! I had my gallbladder out years ago - and was so glad not to suffer with gall stone attacks any longer. They're the worst!

I am doing better today, emotionally. I have a nasty migraine at the moment...but I am slowly coming out of this last terrible bout of depression (I hope). T is relieved...and so am I...This was a rough one....

[pachyderm]

((((((Squiggle))))))

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

Since I cannot eat anything after midnight (because of surgery tomorrow) I am making sure to binge eat for the next hour. Cinnamon Rolls and Peanut M & Ms!! Isn't it strange that we do dumb things like this? I am sure it is a psychological thing because I am not hungry at all!

Stuffing myself last night must have worked. I was miserable then, but I am not hungry this morning! I actually slept well and feel good right now. I have to be at the hospital at 9:30. Surgery is at 11:00.

I am not really that nervous right now. I have been in the hospitals so much with my husband that they don't scare me. But, I am not used to being the patient! I sure hope I don't wimp out when it comes to them wheeling me back to surgery.

[Wren_]

i hope it al goes really well today squiggle

My husband's surgery went well yesterday, so now the tough part begins. Hopefully he'll be in less pain in a few days.

The man is lucky I love him because the day before surgery he told me that he stopped taking one of his psych meds in April and has been lying to me and his doctors about it. The last 4 months have been absolute h*ll with him as his BPD symptoms of paranoia and anger and abandonment issues have been at an all time high. He's been downright mean at times and it's been a beat down. Maybe now he'll go back on his meds and not be so off the wall negative and in his head space all the time. Ugh. Anyway. I didn't kill him though the thought crossed my mind. He was lucky he was about to go into surgery or I might not have been so understanding with him.

[rainbow8]

I still feel depressed. The trigger is about feeling unimportant and that my life is over while my kids have their lives. We did our job but now what?

[SoupDragon]

Unsettled / restless today

[lastyearisblank]

Best wishes for the surgery today, squiggle!
And glad your husband's went well, farmergirl

[dismantle.repair]

Lots of studying to get done. Little enthusiasm. Found out today I'm not seeing T for 2 months, as our therapeutic journey is done and T just wants to ensure I'm still alive in 2 months.
What an abrupt end.

[kaliope]

Squiggle - Absolutely love peanut butter M&M's. Can be hard to find though.

todays ok. payday. my son bought me a beautiful turtle ornament. just because. of course he will be borrowing more money from me before his next paycheck. but it is a gorgeous turtle.

still wishing T day would hurry up and get here but nervous about it too.

[WePow]

Saw my T. Did not show him my T email thread or even tell him about it. Did tell him I used my support tools. He did ask about my alter "Andy" because Andy wrote T that he did not want to see him. But Andy had asked me to not "make" him come out. So I kept to that agreement we had inside. There is just too much on the inside with that part of me and I can't describe it really.

It was a nice session. It was good to be with my T. He showed me some pics from his trip, so that was very nice. I enjoy being around him for that time.

I did manage to tell him about my mom brushing my hair too hard and yanking it and then I would cry and she would cry after she saw me cry. Then I felt bad for crying. So I learned to not tell people when they hurt me because I don't want them to cry.

He was proud of me for my sobriety. And he was proud of me for using my rescources when he was gone. I also told him something at the very end that was very special to just me... and he thanked me for sharing that with him.

It changed the relationship with that much time away from him. But I think it is for the better.

I actually had a good night's rest. Wasn't sure I would sleep that well, but the meds kicked in and knocked me out for about 6 hours.

I heard my cell phone go off this morning and jumped out of bed way too quick. My bed is a high one that almost needs a step stool to get into. I almost fell when I rolled over edge. That was not good!! Now my incisions are killing me!

I addition to that, I have developed a cough/sore throat. I guess that is due to the anesthesia. It hurts to cough! I am not used to being the patient around here. Not sure if I like it or not. Kinda like the bit of TLC I am getting, but not sure I like to depend on others for things.

Between the messed up tailbone thing, the freezer burns on my hiney, and now the incisions on my stomach, I am beginning to think I am a bit messed up right now!