[granite1]

i am feeling like the worst person in the world today.

[rainbow8]

granite:

[granite1]

i think i am really panicing because my husband is going away for a week and last time he did this i ended up almost getting fired from my job and in the hosp overnight because i had the worst panic attack that it was affecting my heat rate and bloodpressure.i depend on him to keep me on an even plain.it is funny how most times i am hiding in my craft room avoiding life and him but when he isnt around i fall appart

[FourRedheads]

I feel like I'm not going to make it. All this worry and panic and anxiety. I don't know how to hang on until my next appt in 3 weeks and yet I'm terrified to go to the appt. So weird. I'm trying to be there for my kids but I'm not doing a good job. My 5 year old sat on a wasp and I freaked out because I'm terrified of bees and yelled at him. I just want to disappear.

feeling so down, uncared for and unloved.... t said i was "lonely" never said what to do about it, just pointed it out, thanks!!! NOT!

t also said "it must be hard growing up knowing your mother hated you" again, Yeah, but what do you say to a t when they say that too you???? ya, okay, she hated me, now what?????

lotsa problems and no answers! feel like t is just throwing me to the wolves!!!!

[FourRedheads]

((((jbmomg)))))

[rainbow8]

I'm feeling a little better, but anxious about probably needing eye surgery. I have an appointment Monday with a specialist. Too many RL things are conflicting; I don't want to have surgery!!! I hope it can be delayed for a couple of months. I want my T NOW!!!

[delicatefade26]

I'm doing okay I suppose...I was really hoping for an email today to let me know what day my T wants to meets next week-just so I could know and prepare myself...but now I will probably have to wait all weekend to hear anything...I have to tell him this not knowing is killing me and if its not worked out...I can't do this...
Also-I really don't think I want to be on meds anymore....bleh

[Rose76]

Something new today . . . a nervous tic . . . a twitch in my left upper eyelid. But I'm still not depressed. A little worried that I can't do the kind of jobs I used to do. UEB are going to run out.

[nicoleb2]

More stressed this evening.. want to cut again but trying not to.

Not looking forward to tomorrow spending the day with my in-laws. 2 of my sister inlaws have said some nasty stuff about me, so i do not enjoy their presence

Today was a really good day. Met with some friends from my church to have dinner and FUN! Just got home (11:00). Long, long day, but I am glad that I can do this kind of stuff again. For so long, I NEVER socialized with anyone. Went to work and came home. That was it. I am so glad that I can be free and comfortable being with people again. This is worth every heartache I have gone through in therapy.

[crazycanbegood]

i feel very empty. not sad. not happy. nothing is within me.

It's late and I should go to bed, but with not working during the summer, I've let my sleep habits get a bit out of control. It will be back to reality on Monday. I still haven't been able to get into my classroom because of construction, so next week will be really stressful with moving all of my crud in my old classroom into my new classroom, getting it all unpacked, going to inservice meetings, and somewhere in there actually writing lesson plans and preparing to teach. I'm pretty much dreading next week.

But today itself has been a much better day. Meds are kicking in so the depression is lifting. Thank you Dr. M. You're a life saver.

[Definite_Adder..:)]

Up again....its a little past midnight. When theres alot happening i seem to not be able to close my eyes. On low stressful nights its hard enough to stop thinkin so fast to fall asleep, let alone the nights like today. I seen my therepist today, but i didnt have a sitter for my little girl. So i didnt get to "talk" about much. I only see her every other week. I wish tomorrow was two weeks** : (

[crazycanbegood]

just emptiness

[Rose76]

I think I'm experiencing hypomania. Used to get it often. Then for past few years seemed to not get that mind state. Now,I wonder if I should be diagnosed as being on the Bipolar Spectrum. I am elated, ebullient and want to stay up and keep doing things. I really need to wind down.

[sunrise]

Slept tonight from 11-1, woke up, slept some more until 2:30, then got up. It's now 3:45 am, and I wish I could just go to sleep again. I get so tired of this. My doctor said that part of good sleep hygiene is getting up when you are awake instead of lying there and trying to get back to sleep unsuccessfully. He said don't try any longer than 15 minutes to fall back asleep. So I got up and am here on PC. I don't see how this is supposed to help me.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Slept tonight from 11-1, woke up, slept some more until 2:30, then got up. It's now 3:45 am, and I wish I could just go to sleep again. I get so tired of this. My doctor said that part of good sleep hygiene is getting up when you are awake instead of lying there and trying to get back to sleep unsuccessfully. He said don't try any longer than 15 minutes to fall back asleep. So I got up and am here on PC. I don't see how this is supposed to help me.

Yeah, I'll get up and read a book or meditate or something. Then, when trying to do something else, sleepiness moves in. Insomnia is the pits though.

[delicatefade26]

Originally Posted by crazycanbegood

just emptiness

Thought you could use a lil one of these

[WePow]

Today I let my teen alter take charge. Told him we could do whatever he wanted to do as long as he took responsibility for it... and to remember he had to protect our little ones inside as well. I was not sure how that would work, but was amazed that "he" made some good choices! I was kinda floored actually because three times this work week he called the suicide prevention hotline and was really making me think I may be in danger if he didn't settle down. My T was in his workshop but managed to be there for us throughout this mess. I am flat out exhausted, but can feel my T with me even though he is very busy. That has been a life saver right now. My teen alter even got to go grocery shopping today and the extent of his "splurging" was a bag of chips-ahoy cookies! ((I didn't even know that part of me liked those!)) And he decided to see Cowboys and Aliens. I didn't want to see that one but it was his day so that was what we did. And it was enjoyable!

Well he is telling me to let him have the PC so he can do some gaming. My T is trying to get me to grow up my parts but I don't have a CLUE as to what I am doing here. So I hope this is the right thing to do. LOL. Talk with you guys next week when I get my body back! :-)

[Butterflies Are Free]

Rough past couple of days - totally off the Pristiq but going through some hard withdrawal symtoms - didn't fall asleep until 3:30 a.m. last night and had some hallucinations(that is a first for me) - my doc said to hang in for another 48 - 72 hours and it should get better. On a fun note - just ordered chinese for dinner because I don't feel like cooking!

[Rose76]

To: Sunrise An erratic sleep pattern that stays irregular, no matter what you do to stick to a routine, can wreck your life. And make you unwell emotionally. It is only with medication that I was able to get out of that miserable cycle. Your doctor should consider offering it to you, if you can't get regularized without medication.

[kaliope]

butterflies - i got chinese just this week too. this will be my third day eating it. there will be plenty left for a forth, but i dont know if i will do that. may be too old by then.

been highly anxious for days anticipating seeing a new pdoc on monday. then last night i got a call that he would not be in monday so they changed my appointment to next thursday, so another week of anxiety. i already feel like im having a heart attack. so much pressure on my chest its hard to breathe. ruminating thoughts. playing out the appt in my mind again and again. i dong need this added stress.

[confused and dazed]

Been waiting 2 long weeks for my T to get back from vacation. My appt. is on Wed.. and now I am feeling anxious about going and wanna cancel......go figure .

Hmmmmmmm.... Chinese food sounds good.... I think I'll go get some for dinner.

I guess you could call my emotions labile (sp?) I think I'm ok then something happens and I change on a dime. I feel very sensitive and insecure and really , really want my T to come back. My back is obviously still an issue (since a bone is broken) and I haven't had the necessary blood work yet. I did get brave and called my mother to tell her what happened to my back and ask how she was. Well, she had my SIL there and that's a conversation killer. She never did call me back.....