Why Does My Heart Jump Out of My Body When T Calls?

I almost never pick up calls from T and she never answers when I call her. This is our agreement. And she doesn't return calls much - only when I specifically request it.

So, why do I have such an emotional reaction when I see her call coming in?

my heart nearly stopped when my T just called me backi couldnt tell you why but maybe it is total fear of what they are going to say

I always fear the words, "I think you need to go to the hospital".

I can completely relate to this, but I don't know what it's about really. My T and I don't communicate between sessions... I think this is my boundary more than hers, we've never really talked about it. Anyway, she works for an organization that has multiple branches aside from therapy.. and a couple of my friends are affiliated with another branch... When they call me it shows up on my caller id as the organizations name... and EVERY TIME, even though I KNOW this, I completely panic thinking that my T is calling to cancel a session, etc. My friend called the other night at like 10pm and I was convinced that it was my T. I got very anxious, shaky, nauseated, panicked, etc. I should know by now that a) my T is not gonna call me at 10pm and b) that number is not hers, oh and c) she's not gonna term me over the phone. Doesn't matter. I think I would die if my T called me that late on a weekend to terminate my therapy!! But that's not really a rational fear. So strange. I never told her this either, which is funny. It's strange the things that don't come up in session...
-CoY

Aaauuuugggghh! I have always felt like such a dork on the phone with a T!!! But when we had our big crisis (the one that led me to PC) I called him the day of, asking him why he hadn't responded to my email (4 hrs earlier), and that was my first NORMAL phonecall with a T ever. I was mad not so much about the crisis incident itself, but that he hadn't called me to discuss it. We had an appointment scheduled the next day, but I said, did you really think it was okay to wait until tomorrow to talk about it? You were just going to come into the waiting room and make me LOOK at you?! A few sessions later, and it felt like all of a sudden we were talking the same language, when before we had been always speaking in different foreign languages. What someone posted about attunement.
So I think our anxiety or whatever on the phone is a reflection, a symptom? of the state of transference or level of trust or connection or some such psychobabble.

My therapist just creeps me out!

Favorite. Line. Ever.

I've always panicked when my T (any of them) call me even when I'm expecting the call. For me, it's fear, anxiety, and expectations. I'm afraid I'll feel worse after the call. I'm afraid I won't know what to say. I'm afraid I'll be disappointed. I'm just plain scared!!

When it's close to therapy day, I'm really anxious about calls or emails because that would mean T has to cancel me.

Maybe you're so anxious because you're not used to talking with her on the phone?

I think it's part of the whole vulnerability issues in therapy. We have a lot at stake; our Ts don't. We're the ones who sweat and panic before sessions. They don't. Before every single session I get super anxious even though I'm not afraid of my T at all.

Well, I love my T so it's not fear of her. But today I wasn't expecting a call because I hadn't requested one and then to see her name come up just sent me spinning.

She just called to tell me that she would have to reschedule our regular appointment time for next week to another time slot. A very normal message.

I think it freaked me out because I left her a message Sunday saying i needed to talk about her having been annoyed with me a few months ago. I can't shake that episode from my memory. I guess my emotional brain was thinking that she was calling to terminate me because I'm such a nuisance.

I will definitely tell her my reaction to her call during our session Wednesday. I promised honesty and I want to forge forward with that approach from now on with her.

Mine has never called but emails; and sometimes just seeing there is an email can freak me out. I think because there is always that fear that they are going to leave; that what they are going to say (phone, text, email) will be that - I've had enough of you, I can't do this anymore and like you said that part about being a nuisance.

Have you talked about that fear before; that she will leave?

Oh yeah, one time I almost had a meltdown calling her multiple times in one day accusing her of wanting to terminate me. We had an extra session that week in which she emphasized that she had no intention of terminating me. I asked her lots of questions about it and she definitely reassured me. But still, there is the fear. So, I'm guessing that somewhere in my childhood I was emotionally abandoned and it's being played out now with my T.

This was such an honest, difficult (i.e., embarrassing) question. The answers about "she's going to terminate me" are so scary, and loaded. I set my ringtone to sweet chiming fairy bells for my T, like heaven or Santa is calling, purposely to offset that scary feeling. And then his picture with the babydoll appears (the guy earns his money!). So is this what we felt like in the crib, when we cried (did we realize the sound was coming from us?) and mother came or didn't? I see T in the morning. Whenever I think I have a great theory like that, he will completely shoot it down. That's okay, he sucks at MY job(s), so we're even.

I've only asked around 100 times about being terminated lol so totally understand that fear; and also that even with the reassurance it's still hard to hang on to

It's strange but I've never worried about Ts terminating me. I worry about her dying, so that's pretty terminal, though. She's very healthy and about 15 years younger than I am, but that's what I worry about. I know she'd never terminate me. I never worried about that with any of my other Ts either. Why do people think their Ts would terminate them?

For me I think it's a issue I come to therapy with. I was probably abandoned emotionally or felt diminished and inconsequential and therefore I project that onto my T. If someone sees my true self, they will be so disgusted that they will leave me. Therefore my life has been about hiding who I am. And in therapy, trying to find the 'real me', brings up these old issues.

i used to worry about termination because i was always afraid he would see the real me and realize, "she's is too damaged, no chance of repair, can't be fixed,"

gotta get the disease out of my office.

My T and I text/email regularly between sessions, but I think I fear a call from her because it means she might be cancelling on me...and I HATE cancelled sessions!!
I always am happy when I get a text from her, but I think my heart does skip a beat because what if she has bad news for me?
But I am the same way with ANYONE who calls me--not just T.

i often let it go to voicemail... then i listen to his message and decide how/when/if i'm returning his call. annnd sometimes i'll wait until i'm pretty sure he's not in or that he's with a patient, so i'll get his machine and can leave some message... ah, phone tag with T.... parry and thrust, i guess.

truth be told, i may spend too much time agonizing over my messages (how i phrased things) and his messages (his tone, his phrasing, did he take my message at face value or "hear" the subtext?). i don't know...

rainbow, i actually got a little "ACK" a few weeks ago, making sure he wasn't planning to retire or move or, well, die. i made some joke about making sure he eats healthy and exercises because we still have a lotta crazy to work through and i need him around to help keep the bad crazy at bay and encourage the good crazy to flourish