you just need a little more joy in your life

so ok -- this is what my t keeps telling me.... great.... its really just that easy? darn it, why didnt I think of that (please read with a dripping amount of sarcasm)

i dont think she believes i want to change - which is very unfair -- we just started therapy (she keeps bringing change up and asking me if i would try to change -- i guess my efforts have not been good enough for her)

i know (cause i asked) that she thinks im borderline and now since that conversation it seems like she cant relate to me

she keeps telling me how other people feel and asking me what i think my fiance is feeling -- as if i could possibly speak for him

i went to a baseball game -- she kept pumping me about it -- so i let her know how horrible uncomfortable i was -- how my anxiety made me sick -- her response was that she was glad i went and that other people there were probably anxious as well.

and after i had paid and made my next appt she starts in wanting to know how the thoughts are, am i safe, and tells me that the accident took a toll on me but not to let it have that much power over me and i just imploded -- as if i havent fought almost every single day since the accident to try and get my life back and not let it have a hold on me --

i just dont know what to do anymore

*hugs* hang in there champ

Hey Gelfling,

It sounds like your not happy with her way of doing therapy and in many ways I can understand this because it sounds like she keeps deflecting away from your actual feelings by telling you things like..just have more joy in your life, go to a baseball game, don't LET it have power over you, im sure others were anxious too....these are all pretty invalidating statements and I can understand why you are feeling very unsure were to go with this Therapist.

Perhaps she is not the best person to help you. Have you felt the sessions have helped you at all so far?

I am sorry you had an accident and I hope that you can get the support you need to handle the emotions relating to it.

Best of luck

thanks dizgirl --

i had written out my history and let her read it cause i was too ashamed to tell her and she was very supportive and i left the session feeling lighter than i had in years...but then i started second guessing other things that had happened in the session and i texted her my concerns -- several times -- and i never heard back from her and i shut down (which unfortunately is my default position) and our sessions have never been the same since.

unfortunately my accident happened several years ago -- at work -- and it caused an avalanche of events -- i really do wish i could pry its grip from around my heart.

Hey again,

Do you think you could tell your T that you feel since that time that she didn't respond to your texts that you feel something changed in the theraputic relationship that has hindered therapy?? And also since she said she thought you had Borderline personality Disorder that it feels like she can't relate to you? Even if you want to write down how you feel and hand it to her, it would possibly go a long way to getting things back on track as it sounds like she can be very supportive at times?

Would I be right in saying that the accident left you suffering from PTSD? I'm sorry that whatever happened has impacted on you so much but thats not your fault.

thanks dizgirl

yes i had really bad PTSD for a while - it is much better than it was

i wrote some of this out but was too chicken to let her read it today

thanks again