Maybe I can do this on my own?

As humanbeings we are prone to cognitive distortions (we fooled ourselfs). We need someone else to help us with reality checks. Nowt to do with whose cleverer then who.

see, this is not about being "cleverer", but about certain way of thinking. And I am not saying I am the most brilliant person who ever walked this planet, but as I tend to sometimes use my intelligence against myself, I feel I'd need somebody to adress it and to get what I am saying. Because it is not always necesarily a cognitive distortion... it is just viewing the world in a certain way (we all do and it is not purely good neither purely bad). I am not sure everybody would be able and willing to address troubles of existential nature.

Why do u think that?

being friends with psychology students who admitted I "intimidate" them when I go all Franz Kafka on them? Yeah, does not sound very hopeful.

Or maybe that desire to challenge and deconstruct everything?

Or basically reading the profiles of some psychologists... and feeling so very much unimpressed?

Or need to have somebody to look up to, instead of having to explain what do I mean?

You are bright enough to learn from professional resources. I think you may need to let another person in at some point, to bounce things off. Maybe a Spiritual Leader? Feedback takes knowledge the extra mile in my opinion, but it doesn't always have to be from a professional.

I can look up to someone who has their head on straighter than I do, no problem.
and having to explain what you mean can be very therapeutic; you get to hear yourself speaking your inmost thoughts out loud. It's important.

I meant rather having to explain what a word I just used means or what is that reference I used....

I guess spiritual leader sounds as an idea... may to reconsider that too.

Take me to your leader!

I think you are yet again ill informed in your views.

can you tell me how?

Mental health issues are almost all about feelings. The people who rely too much on their intellect and not at all on their feelings get in their own way big time. Intellectualization as a defense mechanism???

Hey, VenusHaley - This is an interesting thread. I recall reading a while back that sometimes intelligent people have a hard time in therapy because their intellect gets in the way of their emotional needs. You appear to also be quite spiritual, political and philosophical. All of these are good but can distract one from emotional issues. (We are similar, I also am interested in politics and philosophy, and even studied Buddhism for a while.)

I have a library of self-help books. Some I've read; some not. They lack reinforcement and while helpful, I tend to read and forget. Do I believe it is possible to be your own therapist? Frankly, no. Will self-help books help? Yes, somewhat. However, it seems your issues relate to relating to others and, I believe, to improve in that area you will need to see a therapist because you may need to learn to compromise your political / religious / philosophical beliefs and to increase your personal value of getting along with others even if they disagree with you or are not up to your intellectual standards. And, to do this, you will need to bounce your ideas and beliefs off of someone to get their feedback; feedback that can only come from another person who will help you create deeper and lasting personal relationships. Relationship is a synonym for compromise and to be successful in them, you have to learn to compromise - having unyielding political and philosophical beliefs get in the way of accomplishing this. Somethings are best taught to us by others, especially if the need is to get along better with others in order to create and keep friends and - hopefully - lovers. So, find the right therapist and talk, talk, talk. If you do not have qualified therapists in your area, it may be possible to use Skype and see one online. You are unique, so find one who relates to you.

All the best to you!

hey, unhappy... these are interesting points you bring. I don't think my views stand in my way though, as I can dela with people with different stances. My close friends have quite different world view from me and we can handle it. I admit, I cannot deal with people who don't have opinions and word views though, as I find them boring.

without getting too much into detail... i think my problems are rooted in my fears... for example, I don't want a partner as I might be too much of mess for them.... I fear of hurting people by my mere existence, by some stupid but "fatal" mistake. And sometimes I don't want to get tied down... I am a loner and I don't bond well... and yeah, I do things on my own, hence my being hesitant about other being able to help.

yeah, I guess I may need some help here. But than again... can I be helped? Or am I this oddity... that cannot be changed all that much?

As a loner myself, the name says it all - alone. Being alone is very sad and it's a hard life. I don't understand why someone would choose it though you say you have a lot of friends, and I'm sure that takes an edge off of it. (Sadly, I do not have a lot of friends.)

You also mention your fears. Especially, your fear of hurting others by just being you. I am sure there is someone out there who will accept and love you as you are. Someone who you would take extra care not to hurt.

I think it's worth a try to overcome your fear of relationships. You deserve a life! You are not that odd! Want to see odd? Go to an Occupy Wall Street protest! Damn the fates - have a life!!!

I truly believe that having a relationship will help you with your political / philosophical endeavors because, being a more fully realized person, you will be able to incorporate the hows and whys of personal, loving relationships into your belief system. Political systems, philosophies and religions that do not incorporate or understand the basic humanity in the differences of all people and the need for acceptance by all of us foster deficient, dangerous belief systems. So, while you are already very knowledgeable, depriving yourself of perhaps the most elemental human experience of lasting love - a deeper experience of friendship - will only enhance your life as well as your belief systems.

(P.S.: Have you studied futurism? It's a great enhancement to political / philosophical studies.)

I think that in a way, therapy is a bit like AA: For them to work, you have to be close enough to the end of your rope so as to feel truly humble and needing someone else's help, whether a T or a group (AA). That means no longer standing on an intellectual high horse or otherwise feeling superior to a T, which are both, in their own ways, defenses thrown up by your unconscious to prevent you from going into therapy, as are all too many other negative ideas about therapy and the therapy process.

It took me three years of 24/7 s****dal thinking and planning to get me to the point of going into therapy with all defenses down, able to cooperate one hundred percent on a joint mission with T to find and correct whatever might be the sources of the problem. Is my IQ higher than my T's? I don't know and I don't care. She obviously knows exactly what she's doing and her manner of conducting a therapy session alone convinces me that she is someone to listen to carefully.

I've been in therapy before and it never worked. I wasn't ready to be humble and lower all my defenses. Now that I am it works like a charm. I do not have even a tiny percentage of the problems PC people relate in the Psychotherapy Forum, most of which (in my view) arise from their resistance to the therapy process. And that resistance comes from one's unconscious, which (to anthropomorphize a bit) is, for everyone, entirely against the whole therapy process. So really, until you're ready to put your foot on the neck of your unconscious and hold it down, you're not brave enough to enter therapy.

Successful therapy takes courage, bravery and guts. If you really need therapy, then resistance to therapy is a matter of fear, anxiety and timidity. Can you do it yourself? Well, Freud analyzed himself. Has anyone else? I don't know. It would certainly be easier with a T. Take care!

That right there is a great reason to work with a T rather than on your own. If you work on your own, you're just reinforcing the belief that you're too much for them, they can't help you, etc. If you work with a T, you can learn that just existing is not going to negatively impact the T, that you're not too much for them, etc. I think that since your fears revolve around relationships with others, establishing a working relationship with a T might be very beneficial. It would be a safe place to practice the dynamics of interpersonal relationships and get genuine feedback.

I guess I could not look behind the fact it is paid relationship and that it is not real. So I bet my existing will not negativelly impact them... how can a paycheck negativelly effect you, eh? That has nothing to do with my unpaid acquintances. So, I am too cynical to believe in the whole therapeutic stuff... where money enters the equation... it is never genuine and pure.

I can love and I love a lot... and i have friends who love me. I am unsure, yes... maybe I need to let go a bit?

I think that in a way, therapy is a bit like AA: For them to work, you have to be close enough to the end of your rope so as to feel truly humble and needing someone else's help, whether a T or a group (AA). That means no longer standing on an intellectual high horse or otherwise feeling superior to a T, which are both, in their own ways, defenses thrown up by your unconscious to prevent you from going into therapy, as are all too many other negative ideas about therapy and the therapy process.

I am not sure if it is all defense mechanism. I dealt with therapists. Some had acquired knowledge, but I would honestly doubt their wisdom and intuition skills.

But yeah, I am a tough ***** who hates to go ask others for help. Hell, I even hate to ask people to help me with carrying a heavy bag, because us feminists need to men to carry our heavy things (bit exagerating here, but you get the point) and to come to somebody to help me deal with me... especially it feels selfish to pay for this.... when there are people who are much worse off and self pity feels like a friggin' luxury.

It took me three years of 24/7 s****dal thinking and planning to get me to the point of going into therapy with all defenses down, able to cooperate one hundred percent on a joint mission with T to find and correct whatever might be the sources of the problem. Is my IQ higher than my T's? I don't know and I don't care. She obviously knows exactly what she's doing and her manner of conducting a therapy session alone convinces me that she is someone to listen to carefully

Maybe I am not mess enough... but I feel I cannot afford becoming vulnerable now. I have to wonder if that is compatible with living my daily life. I cannot take time for myself. And I need my defense shields not to be trampled to the ground.


Successful therapy takes courage, bravery and guts. If you really need therapy, then resistance to therapy is a matter of fear, anxiety and timidity. Can you do it yourself? Well, Freud analyzed himself. Has anyone else? I don't know. It would certainly be easier with a T. Take care!

Never said I was brave. I am a woman for thousands fears. And afraid what would happen if i let go.

I think I now understand your 'reticence to enter into a relationship based on your fear of hurting someone. If you hate asking others for help then therapy is not for you. Good luck.

um... wouldn't therapy be the very place to address that, and learn to ask for help? I see all over these threads the struggle with a similar inability (and I struggle with it too).

To have a relationship one must allow oneself to be vulnerable. Relationship.... that's a lot of what therapy is all about, isn't it Charlie Brown?

Yup, gotta agree with you there. I HATE asking for help...I can do it all on my own, always have, always will. Until I realized I really couldn't and decided maybe I should pay someone who's had actual training to help me with the mental/emotional stuff. My therapist knows that I'm super independant and that I'm going to research things outside of our sessions. She's willing to discuss anything that I've read about or thought about, and she's helping me to see that sometimes it's okay to lean on others for things.

The financial side of the relationship bugged me at first. How can I practice asking for help, and dealing with relationships when I'm paying someone. Ya know, though, it still works. I let myself stop thinking about the fact that I'm paying for it, and just went with it. It took me a while to get to that point, though. However, the therapy relationship DOES translate to real life stuff. Once I learned how to ask my therapist for help and be honest and authentic with her and trust her, I was able to start doing those same things in my real life. I recently got laid off, and the whole process of finding a new job (which I started last week) was made so much easier by being able to ask others for help, and accept their help. That's not something I would have been able to do even 6 months ago.

I see people being too hard on Venus. Projecting their need or acceptance of therapy onto her. I think the state of therapy is not so certain at this stage of knowledge that one can be assured it will do no harm. Yes, going it alone is hard, but some feel they haven't a lot of choice. Finding a really outstanding T is not easy, either.

venus, because your options are limited where you live i also think finding a T that will skype with you is a great idea if it provides you with a better T. also, i highly recommend really looking into the various types of therapy and choosing one that you think will be most helpful for you. for example, you may want an existential T or a T with a similar spiritual background to yours who will address the types of concerns you have. i absolutely wouldn't just take any random T out there. i say that because therapy didn't do that much for me except with one T i worked with briefly. i think part of it is finding a good fit or chemistry with the T, partly their therapeutic approach and partly understanding how therapy works. doing your homework about therapy can really make all the difference. you say that currently you are dealing with a lot of stress so that may be a place you want to start in therapy. and, the very things that are your objections to talking, feeling, making changes are what you typically want to talk about. i think if i'd known that my therapy would have been a lot more helpful. so, if you are worried a T might mess with your head then talk about that with the T and see how they respond and what you think of that. as for transference, chances are good you won't even experience it. a lot of people, my guess is most, don't. lastly, while i believe being intelligent is an advantage in life with therapy you are primarily dealing with the unconscious and it is more feeling-based, right-brain based than logical. while your IQ may be high you may find that your EQ may need a bit of help.

These might not be the right therapies for you, but they don't sound wicked or incompetent.