[Wren_]

Nothing is helping to get past the fear I have
My T's can't help
I have major surgery coming up in a few weeks and extreme fears including death anxiety with it all
T telling me I could die any day and for any reason isn't helping
T telling me that all surgery is risky doesn't help
T saying anything else doesn't seem to be helping
I'm angry, scared, confused and mostly extremely lonely and feeling alone with this
Not sure what I want by writing this, I'm not sure which direction to go in right now or how to keep walking forwards

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((tigergirl)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[rainbow_rose]

{{{{{{{{tigergirl}}}}}}}}

I think all T can do genuinely in that moment is to validate the intense fear. I'm not sure what the surgery is, or what it's for, but all surgery is very scary - and does sometimes make us face our mortality.

I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. There is nothing one can say to make the anxiety completely disappear.

But in moments like this we are trained that when emotions feel so escalated, to try to re-engage the logical part of the mind. Yes surgery is scary (validate the feeling) but they will take every precaution to ensure you are safe during surgery (logic).

Can you talk to the team on the surgery about your anxiety? Ask what to do to psychologically prepare for the proceedure to decrease your anxiety.

I feel for you. I have had surgeries and they scare me as well, no matter how much logic one presents. I'm sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts. Thinking of you.

(((((((tigergirl)))))))!!!

Surgery DOES sound scary. I'm so sorry you have to go through that.

It does feel awful when T can't take away our terror/anxiety/sadness. Is there anything that he COULD do/say that would help? Sometimes I have to provide a bit of a script for my T...but he always makes me feel okay about it, like "of COURSE, you are so smart, this really IS just what I should say".

We're here.

[ECHOES]

I don't know about the T factor here, but I want to say that when I had many fears about a major surgery I had, someone reminded me that I was in the good, kind, caring hands of people who chose their profession because they like to help people and take care of their illness. People who are highly educated, highly skilled, experienced, dedicated.
Of course you have some fears - it makes sense because major surgery is not an everyday thing. It is unusual for you.
But I hope that you can be comforted by the thought that:
You are in very good hands

[learning1]

Although the things you said your t pointed out are, of course, true, they aren't the things I'd think anyone would want to focus on to deal with anxiety. If it was up to me, I think I'd want to know the actual percent risk for the surgery I was going to have. For most surgery, it would be pretty low risk. If it is a higher risk, it would be scarier, but I'd want to know. As much as it's possible, I think an ideal is to accept the reality that we're all mortal so we can focus on enjoying the moments, long or short, of the life we have. And I think it's impossible to avoid some of the anxiety you're talking about, especially if you have a reason to think your surgery really is unusual or high risk. You're not alone here on PC. Your posts are wonderful, and I hope you'll keep posting about how you're doing.

[skysblue]

Are there any anti-anxiety meds that you could take to ease the fears somewhat? I sometimes take klonopin before I fly and it makes flying almost enjoyable whereas before I would be subject to panic attacks.

[likewater]

Surgery is scary. I didnt know i was terrified until they were putting in iv. I wanted to run away, but i' d already paid. I don' t think talk therapy helps with anxiety much. Logic and rationality won't help. What helps, i believe, are imagery, relaxation techniques. Emdr or
eft . I had a T that could use those just to calm me down. Biofeedback and special music too. Also, just like learning1 said, you arent alone.
Justbreathe .Imagine how much training the surgeon had to prepare for your surgery and all of our caring thoughts with you.

[CantExplain]

Tigergirl, your feelings are entirely appropriate.
Therapy can't help you if you are already sane!

[Wren_]

thanks everyone

there really isn't anyone as far as the hospital/medical team i can speak with ... i phoned the surgeons office a few weeks ago and tried asking but was told he is booked up solid and when I tried to ask a few questions about his previous experience was told I should know better than that.

Psychologically this is hard on so many levels; and I want more from a T than anyone could humanly provide.

I think my T's are doing what stormyangels said as far as validating and providing logic; but the moment I heard the risks of the surgery, logic hasn't begun touching the fear.

Tree , I don't think there is anything that can be said that would really ... started writing that and then thought of something that might help to hear but it wouldn't be true so I'm not sure. What is true is that sometimes we do need to provide their scripts

Echoes, thanks being reminded of those things really does give some comfort

learning, that's what i wanted to know as well; percentages. I was told it is high risk and the reasons why, but not any kind of percent to go with it or a percent of risk by not having the surgery. Thanks a lot for your words

Sky, I'm not sure ... looking into that to see if there's something I can take
that would help

Thanks likewater; I've been wondering about imagery, relaxation techniques as well ... something that I'm not good with doing

Can'texplain thanks for thinking i'm sane

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

there really isn't anyone as far as the hospital/medical team i can speak with ... i phoned the surgeons office a few weeks ago and tried asking but was told he is booked up solid and when I tried to ask a few questions about his previous experience was told I should know better than that.What????? YOU are the customer. You have a right and an obligation to ask questions.

Psychologically this is hard on so many levels; and I want more from a T than anyone could humanly provide. I think you want from your T what any of us would want. Help in finding relief from the fear and terror.

I think my T's are doing what stormyangels said as far as validating and providing logic; but the moment I heard the risks of the surgery, logic hasn't begun touching the fear.Logic can only go so far in helping fear. Emotions are not 'logical'

Tigergirl - try to BE HERE NOW. Practice it now. Practice it whenever you can. Practice it in moments of calm. Keep practicing. If you forget, put up post-it notes. Practice.

[granite1]

tiger

[Wren_]

thanks granite

I want T to say I don't need the surgery, that i'll be fine without it, that he'll keep me safe but none of those will happen

or that, I'll be fine when I have it done, that nothing will go wrong, that he'll keep me safe but that won't happen either

nobody can keep me safe

I'm not sure how to be here now Sky?

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

thanks granite

I want T to say I don't need the surgery, that i'll be fine without it, that he'll keep me safe but none of those will happen

or that, I'll be fine when I have it done, that nothing will go wrong, that he'll keep me safe but that won't happen either

nobody can keep me safe

I'm not sure how to be here now Sky?

Deep deep breathing. Slow and easy. Concentrate of the breath. Pay attention to the body. Only notice your body and the breath. When a thought comes, stop and bring your attention back to the body.

Thoughts keep passing through. Watch them come and go but keep attending to deep slow breaths and what your body is feeling. What do your toes feel right now. Think each toe - first the right side, then the left side. Wiggle them. Then slowly go to the balls of your feet with your attention. Can you sense anything - any sensation at all?

Then to your ankles and on up for your whole body. Keep with the deep breathing. A thought comes - let it come, let it go. But bring the attention back to that body part you were paying attention to.

When you've come to the top of your head, then notice what you hear. What kind of sound can you detect in your surroundings? Be curious. Pay close close attention.

Then, what can you smell?

Then, what do you see?

Then, any sensations on the skin?

Keep at it and you will feel the tension leave you. It takes practice. Don't give up because it's too hard. Nothing new will be easy. But keep trying. And slowly you'll get the hang of it.

[gashly]

Ugh Tigergirl. I haven't been in surgery, but I knew someone not too long ago who had to go in for something fairly serious and she was terrified. She knew for months and it loomed over her. Finally one day she came in and said she was ok. I wish I had written down what she said. She basically used dbt skills to get through it, from what I recall.

She used her mindfulness skills to stay in the moment, and she said she used "radical acceptance" (she said she accepted that it was going to happen, and she did everything she needed to do to prepare for it, somehow getting other things out of the way helped lessen her anxiety) to be at peace with herself over the surgery. It turned out it went ok. I'm not sure this will help, but it's all I got. I hope that you find what you need.

I don't know if this will help, but this is some info on dbt mindfulness skills:
http://behavioraltech.org/downloads/...ly_members.pdf

[stopdog]

I think some amount of fear is a rational response to surgery.

[rainbow8]

tigergirl: Are you religious? Sometimes religion can help where all else fails. Even if you're not, maybe talking to somone might help. What about relaxation tapes to go along with what skysblue suggested? I will be thinking positive thoughts and prayers for a successful surgery.

[CantExplain]

I can only tell you what I might do myself.

Death is a distinct possibility? Very well then, I shall prepare for death.

I shall make my will.
I shall tell my friends and family I love them.
I shall thank those who have tried to help me.
I shall try to forgive those who have wronged me.

If I die, I have done all that I can. And if I live, I come out ahead.

[lastyearisblank]

I am so sorry you are having these anxieties right now and hope the surgery goes well. But more than that, I hope the time leading up to the surgery goes well. For how to focus on the now, maybe allowing yourself to ask for reassurance might help. (even if it is "more than what is humanly possible." ) What you are feeling is such a real anxiety and though the outcome of the surgery might not be obvious beforehand, (though I am sure it will go fine), what is going on now is just as real and difficult as the actual surgery, maybe even more so because all the anxieties are on you. You do have some control over that, maybe T can help you feel safer with those fears about surgery. In a way it is easier to be knocked out and leave it in other people's hand than to go through the buildup to surgery, at least I feel. You are doing the hard part now, and you don't have to be alone through this, you have us on here. And i hope you do go back to T and tell them this..

And yes Klonopin really does help, if taking meds is not something that is an issue, hehe